u/Pickle_Ickle54

For the better part of a week it’s been pretty stressful, life thing happen, and we’ve been have a hard time with a specific persecutor (Its name is Shade). He goes by he/it. Shade is a shapeshifter inner world and that’s where he is most of the time. It never fronts unless it gets scared but it only ever ends badly. His job is to continue abuse we have endured in the past.

One of our main protectors Micaphell has the task of making sure Shade is away from everyone else. However in turn Micah believes Shade is his “sin” (Micah is an angelic alter). Shade keeps hurting Micah but he won’t let anyone help him or even temporarily remove Shade from his care.

Micah writes in our journal weekly about how much he loves Shade but that he can’t handle the pain, and wants to give up. Other protectors have tried to help but Micah refuses and it causes many arguments. He says he deserves it for being sinful, and that “prophet” Will see his sacrifice.

Our only solution has been to try and have Micah be in front more, and maybe find him a friend or something else he can use to help cope. And for what it’s worth, when he fronts he gets along with our partner (their alters), our friends, and functions really well. But whenever he’s around Shade he’s like a shell of himself, and doesn’t want to interact with anyone. Any advice would be appreciated!

Hello, I really don’t want this to sound like I don’t believe him or am trying to gatekeep what DID/dissociation is.

Firstly, a while ago we stopped talking with him because he was trying to get us to engage in his bad habits (like trying to set up meetings with adults while we were still minors, drugs, police, alcohol). Luckily we had some foresight and good protectors to push him and his bad behaviors away. We didn’t talk for a long time but after a while he came back into our lives seemingly better than before. We thought “we’re both adults now, we’ve grown maybe we can become friends again.” At this time tho he also kinda made us forget all the bad things he did to us, or we just forgot naturally and he thought we forgave him. Either way after a bit of time he began bringing up triggering things, traumas, and he would hug us and touch us even when we told him it wasn’t okay.

Again, naively we thought that if we told him about our diagnosis he would understand and stop doing the things he was doing, boy were we wrong. The day after he texted us claiming that he had a voice that talks to him but that it had stopped. I felt very off put by this but answered his questions because I didn’t want to be mean. He doesn’t seem to exhibit any dissociation, no memory gaps, and he hasn’t had any changes in feelings or personality. Again, not trying to say he doesn’t or that these things are the end all be all of DID but it just made me feel used?? If that makes sense. But told him to look up dissociative disorders and maybe find something there because we really couldn’t help him.

It feels like he’s using our diagnosis as a plot point for him to seem more interesting. I just don’t know what to think, or how to explain again that he’s doing things that are triggering. It also just made me feel odd that he only brought this up after we told him, but that could just be he felt comfortable talking to us about it. It was so hard to get where we are, to feel comfortable about DID and our traumas. It took even longer to get a grasp on how to function as multiple parts and for the most part we do okay and have really good days.

He wants to meet up to discuss in person but I don’t know if I should. I feel like I should at least know how I feel before talking with him and I’m worried that if he does have some form of fractured self or dissociation me bringing up not believing him would be harmful. Im also worried about his behavior and if it might trigger a part to front and makes things worse, I don’t hate him as a person and would like him to get better, but at this point his actions and words are really messing with the progress we’ve made.