u/Perfect_Case_9261

I [23M] just left a queer event where a big name Drag Queen was performing at, followed by other performances.

I went with a friend and it was good at first, but during the first break I felt…like an alien in a wig. An outsider that snuck in. Someone that doesn’t belong there. I wanted to let loose and dance but then I just felt… I don’t know. I looked around and got an overwhelming sense that I’m not like any of these people. I don’t belong here. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing and if what I’m doing is normal.

I’m worried someone will judge me for the way I dance. I worry that I’m not pretty enough for these spaces, or skinny enough, or even that socially aware enough. It feels like everyone’s connected except for me.

I’m worried if I let loose I’m just going to make everyone around me uncomfortable, they’ll start talking, and I’ll be an outsider. So much so, that everyone will know who I am and they’ll hate me, and no one within the queer community would respect me because I’m just that stupid ugly person who thought they could be a part of the community.

I just feel weird because I am weird. I want to be seen, I want to party, I want to be a part of the club but… I’m afraid I will do it all wrong and that I’m not actually queer or good enough to exist in these spaces. I just feel like I take up space, and everyone around me is judging me for taking up that space. My friend did great, she started talking to people and dancing, but I don’t think I could ever do the same because I will just make everyone uncomfortable.

No matter how many times I tell myself that I don’t take up space, or it’s okay to have fun because no one’s watching, or that it doesn’t even matter, those feelings of anxiety just. Never. Ever. Go. Away.

How do I eliminate these feelings forever? What knowledge is being gatekept? What is the secret to eliminating this fear? What does everyone else understand or have that I just don’t, I guess?

Not gonna lie, it’s been paradise. The fact that a “no” isn’t something I have to actively get over, and a “yes” is a lot more impactful, is good.

Tbh, I stopped caring about no’s a long time ago. Unless someone got an attitude with me, or they got weird about it, then I didn’t care. I can’t control how they responded, and I can’t control if my manager has a stick up their ass and wants to yell at me. This company is, like, number 10 on my list of life priorities. I’m not wasting my energy on a no, and now, for sure, I’ll never have to again.

I’ll admit, I do let them know of the benefits three times still… but if it’s clear they’re not having it from the get-go, I feel a lot less guilty about not signing the up now, but now I’m more chill about it, and I am more honest with what’s what.

How are we all feeling? How are you stores handling it? Has it made anyone else’s job easier?