u/Ordinary_Ostrich_767

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My family is insisting that I get engaged before I leave for my studies, and the way they are handling it feels more like coercion than concern. They seem convinced that if I go abroad, I will marry someone there, and because of that fear, they are trying to control my choices now.

What troubles me is not just the expectation, but the pressure behind it. My uncles, aunts, and stepmother have made it clear that my education is conditional—that if I want to pursue my studies, I must first agree to an engagement. It feels less like guidance and more like they are using my future as leverage.

Over the last couple of days, nearly every uncle and aunt has been visiting our home. They are not openly talking about engagement anymore, but the way they are behaving makes it seem like something is happening behind the scenes. I cannot say for certain, but it feels as if they might already be looking for a girl for me.

I could agree just to get out and then distance myself later, but that would be deeply unfair to the girl involved. I do not want to treat someone’s life as something I can manipulate to escape a situation.

The irony is that I am not even someone who is socially confident. I struggle to talk to people in general, and the idea that I would suddenly go abroad and marry someone is far from reality.

I do want companionship someday—someone I can genuinely connect with—but forcing an engagement under pressure is not the way to build that. Right now, it feels like I am being pushed into a commitment I am not ready for, simply to satisfy their fears.

I do have elders at the masjid I turn to for everyday advice, but bringing this issue there could turn it into a larger community matter, which would only make things worse.

At this point, I feel cornered—caught between their demands and my own sense of what is right.