u/OneLonelyBeastieI-B

We fled at the beginning of summer 2025. Long term marriage- decades, last one being the absolute worst, the controlling spiraled out of control so badly.

I have been slowly rediscovering myself again, it’s a very long process as many of you know.

One thing really has been in the background of my mind and I haven’t really allowed myself to actually think about it at all until today. Actually, that point *in and of itself* is part of it, and I will get to that in a second here.

Seeing posts in the divorce sub and other similar where men are asking for advice etc… and they say offhandedly, “I gave her the house/ apartment/ (insert home) because I want to be sure she has a good place to live.” Or “I moved out and am letting her have the house because the kids need to be somewhere safe and where it’s familiar to them, it’s not their fault we are divorcing.”

I got to tell you guys, I read posts like this, and it never fails to bring me to tears every. damn. time.

Are these real, honest to God men? Do men like this actually exist in real life??? I cannot believe my eyes when I read posts like this, I honestly can’t.

Why?

My situation has been such a toxic waste dump, for years even before I escaped. We lived in homes that I could not even get plumbing or electrical fixed in, appliances repaired (mine made a LOT of money, I had zero access to any of it, though) because any time I broached the subject I was screamed at, appointments I made were canceled, issues were ignored/ flat out denied even in the face of direct proof… because I was never “allowed” to be right about *anything* or have things fixed with appointments I made.

I cannot imagine being treated even neutrally. Let alone my comfort or the kids’ comfort and mental health ever being even acknowledged as a real thing, let alone being a factor in decision making.

I have struggled with envying these women their soon to be ex’s, solely because they sound sane and rational.

Does anyone else get like that ever? Feeling envy that women have a man around who actually gives any speck of care about them and the kids?? I know it’s not good. It’s wrong to think about this.

I am just so, so, so damn exhausted from dealing with an eleven year old boy bully who just looks like a man in his 50’s. I would never wish this Hell on my worst enemy.

Sigh.