u/Omeganian

"My husband is constantly complaining about chest pains, difficulties with breathing, cramps and nausea. Have you got any earplugs?"

She keeps dreaming that some guy will come one day, borrow her for a couple of weeks, and return her in a shabby condition.

It does wonders for all the people who walk with their heads up their asses.

I've got the paunch that's faced a thousand slips.