u/Ok_Medicine440

I’m a FTM to a one month old today. There’s nothing wrong with him. I love my baby. He’s got the sweetest face, he’s not a hard baby by any means. My dream was to be a mom, I wanted this since I was a little girl. A big happy family doting over a little one (or 3). Today was supposed to be a joyful family day maybe we’d blow a candle on a cupcake or something to celebrate 1 month of parenthood.

Instead I am typing this as I sob my body weight in tears while locked in a pitch black closet. I don’t want to die but I don’t want this anymore either.

My husband works full time. I feel like I have been by myself shouldering parenthood and a new baby 99% of the time. I broke down a week and a half in. He picked up some baby care but it still wasn’t much and I’ve been getting worst and worst. He’s much more involved now but I feel like it’s too late. I’ve just about broken.

I cry more than the baby. More than I’ve ever had in my life. I don’t eat. I don’t drink water. Mostly cause I don’t have time but also because I am just so stressed my body freezes. I don’t even go to the bathroom. Most days I don’t have time to shower. When the baby sleeps, I am desperate to just dissociate in silence. That or I feel the urge to clean the house and steady everything else in my life.

I hate that I can’t enjoy my baby. I hate how much I resent my husband for not taking parental leave (he has his own company). I hate how much I KNOW I wouldn’t be in this situation if he had just not worked these last 3-4 weeks and gotten back to work little by little. I hate how now that he tried to help and wants to learn I am already too exhausted emotionally to teach him. I hate that he’s my best friend but also a huge part of why I’m suffering.

I wish I could just be alone with baby 24/7. Never see anyone never have to delegate or teach anyone anything. Having others care for baby is more stressful at times. It’s exhausting telling others when to feed etc.

Is this PPD? Or is it just the result of a lack of support early on?

I don’t want to get on meds. I’m scared of what they would do to me as a person. I don’t want dependency. I’m also very much a “solve it at the root” person and the root is how much I’ve had to do alone while healing.

I’m sure if my husband took time off completely it would get better. But I doubt he will. So I feel completely trapped. I want out but I don’t want to give up on my baby or my family.

So that’s it. I just needed to vent. Please tell me it gets better.

I’m a FTM to a 4 week old. Obv not sleep training yet but I want to set us up for success.

My baby is a bit hard to get down for a nap initially but once he goes down, he will nap 3 full hours straight, eat, get right back into napping and that cycle goes on for most of the day. Yesterday, he all and all napped ~7 hours (on and off between 6 and 11, from 11:30 to 1:50, from 2 to 6).

He seems to be a better sleeper during the day. He will quietly nap for 3 whole hours during the day but at night, he’ll wake up after 1-2 hours routinely. Very frustrating.

He’s been napping in broad daylight in the living room since day 1. We’ve never set him down in the dark or swaddled him to nap. We reserve swaddle, white noise, darkness, quiet and swaddle for night. Hoping to eventually set his day/night right.

I hear “sleep begets sleep” so I’m thinking letting my baby nap as much as possible is good for him.

BUT, I’m also wondering if he doesn’t sleep too long and then isn’t tired enough at night ?

He eats ~4oz every 3-4 hours. During the day, because of his naps, it’s closer to every 4 hours (he wakes up to feed by himself) but at night, it’s closer to every 2 hours. Same amount of food.

Tonight, he ate at 10:50pm and woke up at 12:50 rooting.

So I’m confused.

Why is it that during the day he goes longer stretches but not at night ? Should I cap naps? Idk what to do.

I’d expect his rhythm to be the same day and night aka how often he needs to sleep and how much (save for growth spurts/cluster feeding eps).

Any input or advice is greatly appreciated

I’m a new mom to a little boy who will be 1mo tomorrow. I was diagnosed AuDHD in my mid 20s.

My baby is a normal perhaps even easier baby. He’s sweet, eats well, sleeps ok. I’m the one who is struggling.

My biggest trigger is lack of consistency and predictability…. Which a newborn embodies…. If his nap ends prematurely or he doesn’t sleep as long as usual, I get SO anxious and overwhelmed. Because of this, my anxiety has truly spiraled to the point where I have break downs every other day.

I was hoping to get recs on podcasts or books that touch on that. So I can learn some coping mechanisms maybe even just feel like this isn’t that uncommon….

If anyone has tips, tricks or just solidarity, I truly appreciate it.

Basically my baby is turning a month old this weekend.

The first couple weeks I was in a major depressive episode (baby blues) and didn’t interact with my baby much. I’d change him, feed him, burp him, set him back down all day. He’d nap great on his own for hours in his bassinet. Sometimes he’d be wide awake chilling.

Then I started to feel guilty. “I should interact with him more” “I need to be speaking to him playing with him”. So I started doing that a bit after feeds etc. But then I think I started missing sleepy cues because he started skipping naps and staying awake for hours

I started stressing that I was missing the wake windows and so I started to try to make him nap after the hour to 90 min mark, but that would backfire and he’d get fussy until he eventually napped on his own

Over the last week, he stopped napping as easily. In fact, it can take HOURS to make him nap now which bleeds into the next feed schedule.

Today, I spent 3 full hours trying to get him to sleep and then just gave up and set him down. He fell asleep on his own. But then only stayed asleep 45 min which is a first for him. And that happened again for all naps today (only 4…)

So I’m thinking I messed up somewhere. That maybe he’s overtired and that’s why he’s not napping as well anymore and wakes up crying/fussy.

Maybe he just needs to be put down and left alone after feeds etc. But then when and how do I bond and talk to him?

I’m scared he’s going to have developmental delays if I don’t do all sorts of interactions with him (singing, play mat, flash cards etc).

I know they say watch for sleepy cues etc but I don’t really understand it + they’re not always clear.

Say he wakes up, I feed change burp etc and then just talk for a bit with him, would I then set him down in his bassinet alone as soon as I see him yawn? Would that be his wake window?

My baby will be 1 Mo in 2 days. Today has been a confusing one… normally he’ll take naps that last 2-3 hours and he’ll eat every 3-4 hours.

Today, he’s been wanting food every 2 hours (full feeds 3.5-4oz) and only napping 45min… he wakes up screaming for food.

Between feeding, putting him back down, which takes forever, and a short nap, I wasn’t able to get anything done…

I’m stressing and don’t understand. Is this normal?

I’m a FTM to a 1mo old. Since last week, he has decided mornings = no nap. Obv he needs to sleep and he does get over tired and very fussy if he doesn’t nap. But it’s basically impossible to make him sleep.

Example:

Today he woke up around 6am hungry. Had 4oz, I changed him, we hung out a bit and then he finally fell back asleep at 7am. Coolio.

He then woke up at 7:45ish cause he had to fart.

At that point it’s not time to eat, he’s not hungry, so I treat it as a play time (leg bicycles for farts, singing, reading a story). At 8:30am, he starts to yawn etc so I start to slow down. I hold him, rock him, set up a lullaby that worked when his grandma watched him, I give him his pacifier (always triggers eyes closing).

For 1.5 HOURS I’m doing this. In a dark room, it’s quiet. He flutters his eyes and swings them back open. Over and over for nearly 2 whole hours. At that point my back hurts so much so I place him in his crib where he continues to be calm, fluttering his eyes closed and then open again giving me false hope every-time.

He’ll go completely quiet, eyes closed, stops moving and I’ll go “yay!” And then he opens his eyes again…. Or the pacifier falls out and then the cycle repeats.

Now we’re coming up on the next feeding (it’s 10am so 4 hours since the last one). He appears to be falling asleep at last but I need to give him food, which will wake him up and it’ll start the cycle all over.

Idk what to do. Do I wake him? Why does nap take SO long to start…

He sleeps fine at night (goes back down easy between feeds). Last night we fed at 9pm, 12am, 3am and 6am.

Update: he started yelling at 10am sharp (he’s always punctual for feedings) so I fed him and he had another almost 4oz. Then he fell asleep x and then pooped…so now I’m gonna have to change him and he’ll be fully awake

Update 2: I’m going insane trying to get him to nap in that dark room after literally over 4 hours. I’ve set him down in his bassinet in the living room. Fuck it. As long as he’s not crying I’m gonna let him do his own thing.

Update 3: he had a booger and was upset. I removed it. He fell asleep on his own. Starting to think I shouldn’t waste my time rocking him or even trying. Might just put him down and wait it out 🤷🏼‍♀️