Should I (19M) ask her (18F) to be my girlfriend if the way she talks about men really bothers me?
I need advice from this community cause I thought it would be a good idea to get advice from the women’s point of view to see if I’m over reacting because I honestly do not know what I’m doing.
I’ve been talking to this girl for a long time. We even stopped talking for a while at one point, then started again, and now we’re in a place where I’m thinking about asking her to be my girlfriend. I’m pretty sure she wants me to too.
The problem is this would be my first relationship, so I’m trying to figure out if I’m overthinking things or if these are actual red flags.
I really like her. She tells me she loves me, says she wants to be with me, replies fast, and in a lot of ways she makes me feel like she genuinely cares about me.
But there’s one thing that really bothers me: I think she genuinely hates men, or at least talks like she does way more than as a joke.
I know “I hate men” jokes are common, and I get where that comes from. I have three sisters, so I understand the whole joking about guys thing. That part doesn’t really bother me. What bothers me is that with her it feels way more serious and constant.
She has two sisters, and from the way she talks, it feels like she barely has any positive feelings toward her dad at all. She talks about her mom all the time, tells stories about her mom and sisters, and sometimes tells me stories where they disrespect her dad. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever heard her say anything good about him. She talks about him so little that one of my friends once asked me, “Wait, she has a dad?”
I could maybe understand that if her dad was just a terrible person, because obviously some dads are. But it’s not just about him. She says “I really hate men” to me all the time. Like, a lot. At first I would joke back, but now she says it so often that I don’t even know how to respond anymore.
She also loves telling me stories about disrespecting random guys when she goes out. For example, she’ll tell me about making fun of a guy’s name because it sounds feminine, or a guy saying he’s 5'9 and her responding with “So you’re 5'7.” Stuff like that. She tells me stories like this all the time.
The awkward part is I’m also not tall, and she makes fun of me about that too. She compares me to her guy friends, and if she wears heels when we go out, it becomes a whole thing. I never really know how to respond when she tells me these stories, because I genuinely feel bad for the guys she’s making fun of, and it also makes me look at her differently.
That’s what’s confusing me. On one hand, she can be really sweet and caring with me. On the other hand, the way she talks about men and treats some guys really bothers me.
I know I’m young, but I’m not really dating just to date. I have more of a mindset where if I’m with someone, I’d want it to be someone I could really see a future with. So maybe I’m overthinking, but this feels like a bad sign. If she talks about men like this now, how is she going to treat me later on? Or my family? Or other people around us?
So I really need advice.
Should I sit down with her and be honest about how this makes me feel? If so, how should I even say it? Or is this the kind of thing that means I should just end it? Or should I go through with asking her to be my girlfriend and see what happens?
I do want to be with her, but I also don’t want to ignore something important and regret it later.