Everyone says this but I was like yolo AND WORST DECISION EVER. Now I can’t get rid of him because he really likes me and I’m scared if I break it off he will relapse (yes I let it get that deep). I’m not physically attracted to him at all and I need to tell him something to cut this off where it is
WHAT DO I DOOO IM SO OVER IT!?!
I am only 21, went to rehab for coke and alcohol my first time at 20. My biggest fear getting clean this early in life was missing out on things, like fun and parties and just getting fucked up.
Someone told me “you would miss out anyways”. THIS WAS SO TRUE. It has truly changed my perspective because I would be missing out. I would always be too fucked to remember things anyways.
I was also nervous about my friendships but the hard truth was that they would and have suffered more when I was using than now. Guaranteed I would not be friends with majority of the people I’m around still if I didn’t get help when I did.
I also learned it’s not embarrassing to be sober at a young age, it’s actually impressive. This was and is still hard for me to accept but it’s true. Being able to avoid substances, especially when you have using issues, is so strong to do.
I was nervous about my social anxiety and not being the life of the party like I used to be but I have found that while around other sober people it’s so much easier for me to be myself, while I’m around drunk or intoxicated people it’s harder for me to fit in with them and I feel more awkward.
I have also had more motivation and time to wake up early, start new hobbies, and be more involved in peoples lives. So much of my time went to finding my next bag and isolating myself that I didn’t realize other people’s lives were moving so quickly.
I wanted to make this post in case anyone is able to relate and KNOW you aren’t crazy. I went through psychosis a few months ago and a post like this would’ve really helped me.
My psychosis was triggered by taking too high of a mg of edibles, this is what it looked like:
- I thought people could hear my thoughts and it would trigger really nasty thoughts in my brain- this was my subconscious way of trying to prove to myself people couldn’t hear me. Obviously that didn’t work though so I would be repeating things I didn’t want to think and having to make sure I wasn’t talking out loud because it truly felt like I was.
- I thought I knew everything about everyone and would tell people things they were insecure about because I claimed to be psychic. I would literally say “you are sad because you’re fat.” Or “you aren’t actually happy you’re pretending to be”… just things I shouldn’t have said
-I thought everyone was fake and almost as if I was in the Truman show because people wouldn’t tell me that we could telepathically communicate
- I was having 3-6 panic attacks everyday because of the things going on in my head and I would lock myself in my room for days just to avoid seeing anyone.
There is a lot more but these are the main things I would do. My psychosis led me down a path of major substance abuse and I didn’t even know I had psychosis until I was diagnosed in rehab. If you are dealing with any of these things you NEED to stop smoking weed. My psychiatrist said that when you start going through psychosis you have a 40% higher chance of developing schizophrenia.
My symptoms aren’t fully gone, it comes in waves, it’s much more manageable now. They think I’ll be fully out of it in about 3 more months.
I hope this helped someone because psychosis can look so different for everyone.