u/No_Tangelo_9894
Hello! I am indie author. I am writing my novel, Liminal. Please provide honest feedback. Heres chapter one. Enjoy! Tusen Takk! (I am not promoting it, I just want feedback)
Chapter One
The beginning of T;[ ^&%67
Delta Desert Scorpion was sent on a highly classified mission deep into Iranian territory to seize a biological weapon that the terrorist group, Counter Liberation Forces had taken into possession. Intel on the threat was limited. The insider provided that they were planning to use it against the United States. The pathogen was a highly lethal and communicable virus that could wipe out the entire Western Hemisphere in just a week.
Desert Scorpion touched down at 0300 hours. The sound of helicopters was deafening and disorienting as it left the drop zone. The team was a group of 10 of the most elite operators the United States has to offer, led by a man codenamed “Phoenix.” Phoenix was a fit and textured man with years of experience. After the helicopter’s sound faded all that was left was a desert that was dead silent, the sound of wind and the breathing of men could only be heard.
The drop zone was just 3 miles out from the main objective. Only 30 minutes after they were deployed, they were ambushed by a group of unknown people with futuristic weaponry way more advanced than the standard issued rifle provided by the military. One by one the operators fell. Delta two, then four collapsed to the ground limp.
“We’re taking mass casualties!” Phoenix shouted desperately into his radio. “We need air support and reinforcements!”
Only the hiss of static followed over the radio like it was being jammed or it was malfunctioning. The once quiet desert erupted into chaos. The groans of men with the strong, nauseating, metallic smell of blood filled the air. Phoenix was one of the first to be hit. He put his hand on his stomach to stop the bleeding; the sand beneath him quickly turned from a tan, powdery to a clump of chunky pieces of dark red. As his vision blurred, he saw the last of his men be taken down by enemy fire, and then everything went black.
He regained consciousness in an entirely different alternate universe. In the midst of being dazed and profoundly confused, he couldn’t help but notice that he wasn’t sitting on blood-soaked sand anymore; instead, the walls were yellow and the carpet, a typical office style. A smell of an earthly mildew bombarded his nose. The carpet was damp and the fluorescent lighting hummed above him, almost like it was getting louder by the second. After regaining his wits, he frantically checked his stomach to see the wound but when lifted his shirt, there was nothing but healthy skin as if nothing ever happened. The tactical gear was gone; he was only left with just a green wool shirt with cargo pants and black leather boots. Phoenix began to walk through the yellow corridors, the carpet squishing every step he took.
“The first thing I need to do is find water and then look for an exit,” Phoenix thought.
The yellow maze felt endless. After what felt like hours of aimless wandering: there lay a spotless dull metal office desk with three drawers. The light bounced off the metal. It looked like it had never been used before. The steel frame was sitting in the middle of the room. On top sat a black, 90s style phone. When Phoenix approached the desk, he broke out in a cold sweat even though it was relatively cool. The fluorescent light’s hum seemed only to grow more intense. He picked up the phone and dialed the emergency phone number the force issued to their operators. The phone didn’t respond; there was nothing. His hand opened the drawers. They screamed with a hard hitting Screech! There was a murky, old bottle of almond water. His fingers frantically opened it without a second thought, downing it within seconds. It had a consistency slightly thicker than water and it had the feeling of drinking cough syrup.
A feeling of tension squeezed into the air; a sudden chill accompanied him with an overwhelming sense of being watched, completely overcoming the senses. He looked to the opposite side of the room. There manifested an amalgamation of unknown matter; absorbing the light, pure black void without any facial features as black oily liquid dripped on the yellow carpet floor. Both of them stood frozen. Then, it lunged at Phoenix with a full sprint. The surge of adrenaline pulled him back from a freezing trance. He was driven not just by adrenaline but pure primal animalistic fear. He darted away as if his Sergeant Wallace was chasing him with killer intent. They passed corridor after corridor, corner after corner; until they turned around one corner, the creature slipped on the damp carpet floor. Thud! It got back up instantaneously, completely unfazed; it resumed the chase. Terrifyingly, it was catching back up to Phoenix; just out of arm’s reach. The walls started to get distorted and stretched. Phoenix’s muscular legs begged for him to stop like his legs were being stabbed with a hot knife. His lungs were burning as if a fire started in his chest, only growing in intensity the longer he ran. The creature behind him roared with such ferocity. Phoenix stopped at a t-section, he looked to the right: endless hallways. Then, he looked to the left and spotted a crawl space, and without hesitation, he turned. It was less than a click away, it felt like ten miles. The burning inside his lungs and legs only intensified, with the energy he had left he started to gain speed.
“You’ve got it, my son! You can do it!” A brief voice of his mother popped into his mind.
“Run faster. You worthless sack of shit! My grandma could run faster than your slow ass.” Wallace’s voice shouted in his head.
He slid under the space with perfect timing; sliding across the wet, damp yellow carpet; hitting the opposing wall feet first. The entity brutally slammed into the wall without having the time to stop. *BANG!* He laid there for a second and then he passed out from exhaustion.
Hello! I am indie author. I am writing my novel, Liminal. Please provide honest feedback. Heres chapter one. Enjoy! Tusen Takk!
Chapter One
The beginning of T;[ ^&%67
Delta Desert Scorpion was sent on a highly classified mission deep into Iranian territory to seize a biological weapon that the terrorist group, Counter Liberation Forces had taken into possession. Intel on the threat was limited. The insider provided that they were planning to use it against the United States. The pathogen was a highly lethal and communicable virus that could wipe out the entire Western Hemisphere in just a week.
Desert Scorpion touched down at 0300 hours. The sound of helicopters was deafening and disorienting as it left the drop zone. The team was a group of 10 of the most elite operators the United States has to offer, led by a man codenamed “Phoenix.” Phoenix was a fit and textured man with years of experience. After the helicopter’s sound faded all that was left was a desert that was dead silent, the sound of wind and the breathing of men could only be heard.
The drop zone was just 3 miles out from the main objective. Only 30 minutes after they were deployed, they were ambushed by a group of unknown people with futuristic weaponry way more advanced than the standard issued rifle provided by the military. One by one the operators fell. Delta two, then four collapsed to the ground limp.
“We’re taking mass casualties!” Phoenix shouted desperately into his radio. “We need air support and reinforcements!”
Only the hiss of static followed over the radio like it was being jammed or it was malfunctioning. The once quiet desert erupted into chaos. The groans of men with the strong, nauseating, metallic smell of blood filled the air. Phoenix was one of the first to be hit. He put his hand on his stomach to stop the bleeding; the sand beneath him quickly turned from a tan, powdery to a clump of chunky pieces of dark red. As his vision blurred, he saw the last of his men be taken down by enemy fire, and then everything went black.
He regained consciousness in an entirely different alternate universe. In the midst of being dazed and profoundly confused, he couldn’t help but notice that he wasn’t sitting on blood-soaked sand anymore; instead, the walls were yellow and the carpet, a typical office style. A smell of an earthly mildew bombarded his nose. The carpet was damp and the fluorescent lighting hummed above him, almost like it was getting louder by the second. After regaining his wits, he frantically checked his stomach to see the wound but when lifted his shirt, there was nothing but healthy skin as if nothing ever happened. The tactical gear was gone; he was only left with just a green wool shirt with cargo pants and black leather boots. Phoenix began to walk through the yellow corridors, the carpet squishing every step he took.
“The first thing I need to do is find water and then look for an exit,” Phoenix thought.
The yellow maze felt endless. After what felt like hours of aimless wandering: there lay a spotless dull metal office desk with three drawers. The light bounced off the metal. It looked like it had never been used before. The steel frame was sitting in the middle of the room. On top sat a black, 90s style phone. When Phoenix approached the desk, he broke out in a cold sweat even though it was relatively cool. The fluorescent light’s hum seemed only to grow more intense. He picked up the phone and dialed the emergency phone number the force issued to their operators. The phone didn’t respond; there was nothing. His hand opened the drawers. They screamed with a hard hitting Screech! There was a murky, old bottle of almond water. His fingers frantically opened it without a second thought, downing it within seconds. It had a consistency slightly thicker than water and it had the feeling of drinking cough syrup.
A feeling of tension squeezed into the air; a sudden chill accompanied him with an overwhelming sense of being watched, completely overcoming the senses. He looked to the opposite side of the room. There manifested an amalgamation of unknown matter; absorbing the light, pure black void without any facial features as black oily liquid dripped on the yellow carpet floor. Both of them stood frozen. Then, it lunged at Phoenix with a full sprint. The surge of adrenaline pulled him back from a freezing trance. He was driven not just by adrenaline but pure primal animalistic fear. He darted away as if his Sergeant Wallace was chasing him with killer intent. They passed corridor after corridor, corner after corner; until they turned around one corner, the creature slipped on the damp carpet floor. Thud! It got back up instantaneously, completely unfazed; it resumed the chase. Terrifyingly, it was catching back up to Phoenix; just out of arm’s reach. The walls started to get distorted and stretched. Phoenix’s muscular legs begged for him to stop like his legs were being stabbed with a hot knife. His lungs were burning as if a fire started in his chest, only growing in intensity the longer he ran. The creature behind him roared with such ferocity. Phoenix stopped at a t-section, he looked to the right: endless hallways. Then, he looked to the left and spotted a crawl space, and without hesitation, he turned. It was less than a click away, it felt like ten miles. The burning inside his lungs and legs only intensified, with the energy he had left he started to gain speed.
“You’ve got it, my son! You can do it!” A brief voice of his mother popped into his mind.
“Run faster. You worthless sack of shit! My grandma could run faster than your slow ass.” Wallace’s voice shouted in his head.
He slid under the space with perfect timing; sliding across the wet, damp yellow carpet; hitting the opposing wall feet first. The entity brutally slammed into the wall without having the time to stop. BANG! He laid there for a second and then he passed out from exhaustion.
Hello! I am indie author. I am writing my novel, Liminal. Please provide honest feedback. Heres chapter one. Enjoy! Tusen Takk!
Chapter One
The beginning of T;[ ^&%67
Delta Desert Scorpion was sent on a highly classified mission deep into Iranian territory to seize a biological weapon that the terrorist group, Counter Liberation Forces had taken into possession. Intel on the threat was limited. The insider provided that they were planning to use it against the United States. The pathogen was a highly lethal and communicable virus that could wipe out the entire Western Hemisphere in just a week.
Desert Scorpion touched down at 0300 hours. The sound of helicopters was deafening and disorienting as it left the drop zone. The team was a group of 10 of the most elite operators the United States has to offer, led by a man codenamed “Phoenix.” Phoenix was a fit and textured man with years of experience. After the helicopter’s sound faded all that was left was a desert that was dead silent, the sound of wind and the breathing of men could only be heard.
The drop zone was just 3 miles out from the main objective. Only 30 minutes after they were deployed, they were ambushed by a group of unknown people with futuristic weaponry way more advanced than the standard issued rifle provided by the military. One by one the operators fell. Delta two, then four collapsed to the ground limp.
“We’re taking mass casualties!” Phoenix shouted desperately into his radio. “We need air support and reinforcements!”
Only the hiss of static followed over the radio like it was being jammed or it was malfunctioning. The once quiet desert erupted into chaos. The groans of men with the strong, nauseating, metallic smell of blood filled the air. Phoenix was one of the first to be hit. He put his hand on his stomach to stop the bleeding; the sand beneath him quickly turned from a tan, powdery to a clump of chunky pieces of dark red. As his vision blurred, he saw the last of his men be taken down by enemy fire, and then everything went black.
He regained consciousness in an entirely different alternate universe. In the midst of being dazed and profoundly confused, he couldn’t help but notice that he wasn’t sitting on blood-soaked sand anymore; instead, the walls were yellow and the carpet, a typical office style. A smell of an earthly mildew bombarded his nose. The carpet was damp and the fluorescent lighting hummed above him, almost like it was getting louder by the second. After regaining his wits, he frantically checked his stomach to see the wound but when lifted his shirt, there was nothing but healthy skin as if nothing ever happened. The tactical gear was gone; he was only left with just a green wool shirt with cargo pants and black leather boots. Phoenix began to walk through the yellow corridors, the carpet squishing every step he took.
“The first thing I need to do is find water and then look for an exit,” Phoenix thought.
The yellow maze felt endless. After what felt like hours of aimless wandering: there lay a spotless dull metal office desk with three drawers. The light bounced off the metal. It looked like it had never been used before. The steel frame was sitting in the middle of the room. On top sat a black, 90s style phone. When Phoenix approached the desk, he broke out in a cold sweat even though it was relatively cool. The fluorescent light’s hum seemed only to grow more intense. He picked up the phone and dialed the emergency phone number the force issued to their operators. The phone didn’t respond; there was nothing. His hand opened the drawers. They screamed with a hard hitting Screech! There was a murky, old bottle of almond water. His fingers frantically opened it without a second thought, downing it within seconds. It had a consistency slightly thicker than water and it had the feeling of drinking cough syrup.
A feeling of tension squeezed into the air; a sudden chill accompanied him with an overwhelming sense of being watched, completely overcoming the senses. He looked to the opposite side of the room. There manifested an amalgamation of unknown matter; absorbing the light, pure black void without any facial features as black oily liquid dripped on the yellow carpet floor. Both of them stood frozen. Then, it lunged at Phoenix with a full sprint. The surge of adrenaline pulled him back from a freezing trance. He was driven not just by adrenaline but pure primal animalistic fear. He darted away as if his Sergeant Wallace was chasing him with killer intent. They passed corridor after corridor, corner after corner; until they turned around one corner, the creature slipped on the damp carpet floor. Thud! It got back up instantaneously, completely unfazed; it resumed the chase. Terrifyingly, it was catching back up to Phoenix; just out of arm’s reach. The walls started to get distorted and stretched. Phoenix’s muscular legs begged for him to stop like his legs were being stabbed with a hot knife. His lungs were burning as if a fire started in his chest, only growing in intensity the longer he ran. The creature behind him roared with such ferocity. Phoenix stopped at a t-section, he looked to the right: endless hallways. Then, he looked to the left and spotted a crawl space, and without hesitation, he turned. It was less than a click away, it felt like ten miles. The burning inside his lungs and legs only intensified, with the energy he had left he started to gain speed.
“You’ve got it, my son! You can do it!” A brief voice of his mother popped into his mind.
“Run faster. You worthless sack of shit! My grandma could run faster than your slow ass.” Wallace’s voice shouted in his head.
He slid under the space with perfect timing; sliding across the wet, damp yellow carpet; hitting the opposing wall feet first. The entity brutally slammed into the wall without having the time to stop. *BANG!* He laid there for a second and then he passed out from exhaustion.