u/NoRequirement3832

No matter how hard I try, nothing I do ever feels like enough. I’m exhausted in every possible way, mentally, emotionally and physically. Even after sleeping, it's like my mind never shuts off long enough for me to recover.

I’ve had phases like this ever since I was a child. Even back then, I remember feeling things so intensely and not really knowing how to explain it to anyone.

There are so many things I want to do, so many goals, responsibilities, expectations, ideas and versions of myself I wish I could be again, but I can’t seem to find the energy to move toward any of it. From the outside it probably looks like I’m not trying hard enough, when in reality I’m fighting myself every single day just to keep going.

I’ve isolated myself soooo much because being around people makes me feel even more alone. Nobody really seems to understand the way my mind works or how deeply I feel things. And when they try to help, I end up feeling judged, misunderstood or like I’m failing at being okay. Hearing “you’re not doing enough” when I’m already giving everything I have internally is painful.

The one person I talk to every day doesn’t experience emotions the way I do and even though they’re present, I still feel emotionally alone. It often feels like they add to the pain I’m carrying, triggering emotions I’m already struggling to keep under control. What hurts the most is feeling like they see what I’m going through and still don’t care enough to change the things that keep hurting me. It turns into constant fighting, constant misunderstandings, constant emotional exhaustion and having to beg for change. I don’t expect perfection but I wish the person closest to me would stop making me feel like my pain is something easy to ignore, like I'm being soothed instead of truly heard.

I don’t think anyone around me is intentionally trying to hurt me. I think some people genuinely want to help but they don’t realize that certain words, reactions or behaviors can make someone who’s already struggling feel even worse. I don’t really feel emotionally safe, understood or protected by the people I let close to me. If only someone could understand without making me explain every detail or defend why I feel this way. Sometimes I just need softness, patience, reassurance or someone willing to sit with my feelings. I still genuinely hope the people around me are doing okay. Even when I’m struggling, I still care deeply about others having the kind of peace and comfort I can’t seem to find for myself lately. I know people have their own struggles and I hate the idea of sounding selfish, ungrateful or difficult. I spend so much time minimizing my own feelings that when I finally speak up, I feel guilty.

Sorry for yapping so much 🥹

I hope you have a better day than me ❤️

Claudia