My partner & I have been together for 5 years. We have lived together for 2 & have just moved into our first home which is a massive project. We have had our ups & downs & come from two different worlds which is where our issues arise.
He very much wants our house to be a place where people can drop by any time they like with no warning. We have bought a house in the area he grew up & all his family are within 5 minutes from us. My family are 15 minutes away.
I have been brought up that it’s rude to drop by to someone’s house unexpectedly & this is what I believe. I find it very hard & unsettling to think that anyone in his family can drop by when they like when I don’t feel comfortable with this.
I have told him I’m not comfortable with this & he has told me I’m ridiculous & unreasonable.
I have said that I would never expect this from my family or friends so it’s not like I’m saying they can do it but his family can’t.
His family also expect us to now host Christmas every year as we have the bigger house. I’ve said that’s a lot of pressure & shouldn’t be expected from us as I don’t want to host every year. His family/parents are big drinkers & I am not.
I don’t like how his dad has treated him in the past as he drinks heavily & has been quite horrible to him on occasions. He has also asked on a fair few occasions when I’ll be giving him a grandchild which I find incredibly rude to be asked.
How do I communicate to his family that they can’t just drop by unexpectedly as it’s rude? If he communicates it he will say it’s my issue but I’m getting past the point of being worried about them liking me.
He is very close to his family & also wants to see them/have them round every week! I said you can’t expect me to want to be around them that much & I’m happy to have 1/2 occasions a month that I see them.
He has told me he will never see my side about this so I just feel unheard & ignored.
They also act as if it’s only my boyfriend’s property when I have paid half which I find insulting. It’s always calling it his house & not our house.
We also argue over housework. He is more than happy to leave things/not clear up as he’s not bothered by things being left. I on the other hand have been taught to clean/maintain things & it’s a constant battle to get him to do things. It turns into arguments & I am told I’m asking for too much for him to do his share.
I love him dearly but I feel like he’s no longer my best friend & all I can think about is the differences. I am so worried about leaving as I’ve spent so much money on the house & I couldn’t afford to buy by myself.
**TL;DR;**