Guy ended things over “spiritual mismatch”…I’m feeling really conflicted and need advice
Hi everyone, I could really use some outside perspective because I feel pretty confused right now.
I was seeing a Christian guy for a little while, and I started to genuinely like him. We got along really well, I enjoyed being around him, and honestly he has a lot of qualities I would look for in a husband.
Earlier this week, he told me he thinks we should just be friends because we’re at different spiritual levels right now.
For some background: I grew up in the church, but my family stopped going when I was in middle school, so I drifted away from it. Recently, I’ve felt a strong pull to reconnect with my faith and take it more seriously. He, on the other hand, is very strong and devoted in his faith—it’s a central part of his life. He told me he’s looking for a woman who loves God more than she would love him, which I completely understand and respect.
Since that conversation, but not due to it, I’ve been trying to be more intentional about my faith overall. I’ve been spending more time in the Bible, reflecting more, and working on making God a central part of my life in my day-to-day actions. This is something I’ve felt personally called to grow in, regardless of how things turn out with him. I’m still early in that process, and it’s not always easy, but I am genuinely trying and staying consistent.
When we talked about everything, he brought up the idea of being “equally yoked,” which I do agree with. But emotionally, it was still really hard to hear. At the time, I feel like I responded more from emotion than from a grounded understanding of everything.
He said he would still like to be friends and mentioned things like going on walks, Target runs, and even Bible study together. I told him I was hesitant because I’m scared I would end up hurting myself by holding onto hope that there could be something more. He said there could be a future, but as of right now, we aren’t spiritually aligned.
There are also a couple of other important factors. He shared that he struggles with temptation (like porn) and doesn’t want to put me in a position to deal with that, which I honestly respect. At the same time, when we first met, I would describe myself as more of a “lukewarm Christian,” and we did give in to some physical temptation together (not sex, but still things I now regret). I think that’s part of why I feel so emotionally stuck now, and I know it was very wrong. I now know why we aren’t supposed to engage in those acts before marriage. I feel horrible about it and would love to apologize for the role I played in things, but again I’m hesitant to ask to meet up. I’m second guessing myself on whether or not he truly meant that we could still be friends.
Right now, he still keeps in contact with me, but he doesn’t make an effort to see me anymore. And I don’t want to annoy him with asking to see each other, if he didn’t truly mean it. The effort feels different, and that’s been confusing for me.
Another layer to this is that I don’t really have strong Christian influences in my life. My family is more lukewarm, and when I try to take my faith more seriously, they make comments about me being “too extreme,” which makes it harder to fully lean into it. That’s part of why I’m even considering staying connected to him—I don’t really have anyone else to walk through this with.
So now I feel like I’m at a crossroads:
• Would it be a bad idea to ask him to do a Bible study together, even just as friends?
• Should I create distance to protect my emotions?
• Do you think he genuinely meant there could be a future, or was that just a gentle way of letting me down?
At the end of the day, I do want to keep growing in my faith no matter what happens with him. I’ve been trying to pray about it and trust God with the outcome, but I’m still feeling unsure.
I would really appreciate advice, especially from people who take their faith seriously or have been in a similar situation.