u/Mira_Noir80

Long Story Short: Met a guy online through gaming, started casual, turned into something more, and now we’re exclusive long distance. From the start, I made it clear that honesty and loyalty are non-negotiable, and I don’t want to be the “other woman.

He’s genuinely great, consistent, kind, attentive, puts in effort, and we have strong chemistry. Honestly, he checks pretty much every box.

The issue: a few weeks in, he told me he still lives with his ex. Says they’re not together, just stuck in the same place for now. They work opposite shifts, have separate bedrooms, and barely see each other. He also says he plans to move out.

He doesn’t speak badly about her, which I respect, but he also avoids going into detail about their breakup and isn’t very open emotionally in general.

One time, we were gaming, and she came into the room. He muted himself to talk to her privately. Said it was family-related, but it still made me pause.

I guess what’s messing with my head is this: if he’s as good as he seems (and even on a physical/chemistry level), why did that relationship really end? I know that might not be the most logical thought, but it’s there.

I also know people can say they’re “separated” but still basically live like a couple. Part of me wonders if they’ve just fallen into a routine and never fully split.

So now I’m torn between trusting him vs. feeling like something isn’t adding up.

• Am I overthinking this, or does this sound like a red flag?
• Would you be concerned about the living situation?

How would you bring this up again without sounding accusatory or too much?

I just need to vent because if I don’t, I feel like I’m going to drown in my own thoughts.

I’m 37F and I’ve never like genuinely never felt like I was someone’s priority. There’s always been someone else before me. And that realization hit me hard today.

I’ve spent years being there for people. I’m the one who remembers birthdays, plans surprise parties, buys flowers just because, and checks in when someone’s not okay. I go out of my way to make people feel seen and special.

But no one’s ever really done that for me.

And now I’m sitting here realizing how alone I actually feel. Like I’ve always just been… there. Not chosen. Not thought of first. Just convenient.

I always downplay it. I say I’m not romantic, I say I don’t like flowers, I act like I don’t care. But the truth is I do. I care a lot.

I don’t need big, expensive gestures. I just want to be thought of. Like if someone sees a beautiful sunset and sends me a picture saying, “This made me think of you,” that would mean everything to me. Just knowing someone took a moment out of their day to think about me.

But at the same time, yeah, I want the flowers too. I want to be spoiled sometimes. I want to feel like I matter, like I’m chosen, like I’m not just an afterthought. I don't want to ask if that makes sense.

I’ve tried doing those things for myself, buying my own flowers, taking myself out, treating myself, but it’s not the same. It just isn’t.

And now I’m honestly scared to get into another relationship because I don’t want to end up accepting the bare minimum again. I don’t want to keep shrinking myself just to be “easy to love.”

Is it really too much to want to feel loved like that? Even just once?