u/MerumazingGirl

[NA / Bronze 3 (Dmg) / PS4]

I love this game but I feel bad when I'm not doing all too well and not getting many kills. It's getting to me as eventually I want to be at a point where I get a good standing in competitive. I've shown someone else my gameplay and they said that it looks like I don't know what to do (That's true) and that there are times where I should've jumped in the fight and hasn't. (Sometimes I'm scared to bcus I literally get JUMPED and I wanna stay alive.) From what I see, I've got extreme tunnel vision as the person I asked for advice from says – I'm not looking at the enemies at all, I panic and use my ult at the wrong times. So how do I fix this? There's also an issue I have in some matches where there's like so much going on, I don't know what to focus on. It's crazy. 😭

Here are some looks into my gameplay:

N896EX (Junkertown | QP)

9F409A (Hollywood | QP)

7WTXMQ (Midtown | QP)

XXC979 (Aatlis | QP)

Even though I did pretty bad in that one (aatlis) I wanted to include it cus my team won. 😭

I'm playing Sierra in all of these. 💀

Please help me 💔

If there's someone who doesn't mind reviewing these clips with me on Discord, I'd love that too.

REPLAY CODE: QZTGDP

I am in such distress. I definitely suck but I thought my team had the point until we didn't, I also have no idea where the enemy Sojourn and Hanzo came from at times, I watched the replay myself and I'm just speechless at the times I tried to take them on by myself and died, I also notice that there were times where my health was low and I didn't retreat. It was also hilarious when my DVA ult'd, I thought it was the enemy team's DVA and got the hell out of dodge.

Times where my ult did absolutely nothing, embarrasses me.

Tracking shot ability didn't land on the people I intended to hit.

My obvious tunnel vision.

There's.. a lot.

So what should I do? Should I keep queuing up in quick play until I see results? (Basically saying to not even touch comp.) And how do you improve your alertness? (Paying more attention to the health bar and your surroundings.)

This might sound extra weird but sometimes I don't even notice people shooting at me until I'm dead 💔 (I turned on captions to see the enemy team talk and to know when there's an ult but they're not doing much for me)

I've been on Comp cus I wanted to play more seriously but the losing streak makes me a little sad I won't lie cus I wanna improve.

Running here after getting dragged on Facebook lmao. I won’t go into it but like I’m shocked by the amount of people who are unnecessarily cruel on the web, I understand vitriol for those profiting off of of self hate but what about those who just didn’t know any better? I was told that due to my self hating phase, I am bastardizing black culture and that my ancestors would be ashamed of me for how I felt (even though that was a thing of the past) but why is that anger directed towards me and not those who instilled these thoughts in my head?

Constantly on the internet I see trolls wish death on black folks, our current political climate, and the erasure of Black folks in the United States. That is enough to scar someone. So I want to say that if you or anyone else has self hating tendencies, if they are willing.. Why not help them? — Send them media regarding black history and talk about it, if they feel some type of way about their appearance. Compliment them.

Since I feel like it’s worth a mention, at times I feel like our own families and friends are responsible for these opinions. Not too long ago, there was a relative of mine who’d always get flack for being dark skin, I get hell for wanting to wear dreadlocks and the most out of pocket thing is them calling other black folks who are not American black folks, ugly and the fear of aspects of African and Caribbean culture, including demonizing our own.

Slavery, Jim Crow and every other horrible atrocity that took place in America did that. I’m tired.

P.S — Anyone know of any support groups for recovering internalized racists / those learning to love themselves? I want to again clarify that I have changed, I am happily pro black.

Never thought I’d see the day but here we are LMAO, I blame TikTok. I’ll keep this short as it was a small interaction, they didn’t mean any harm but I thought it was funny. The conversation was on the book author, Stephen King, someone called him unc (“Tell em, unc!”) while the other person thinks they’re being disrespectful. I’m not seeing that, I always saw unc as another way to say old man / oldhead. In this instance, was this disrespectful? Is unc, as this person says.. the new “ok boomer”? 😂😭

Sorry if I say some fucked up shit cus I’m mad right now, but I just unsubbed from a hip hop community here after a user posted a weirdo meme insinuating Meg having sexual relations with rappers she collaborated with and Klay having to wait for HER. What in the red pill 😭

Nah, fuck this, I’m tired of seeing dirty ass men disrespect black women and then wonder why some don’t give them the time of day. For now, I’ll be in here and women centered spaces. Lawd, I just know that men will be insufferable following this. So lovely, using a woman’s pain to mock her.

I hate it here.

To men reading this: If it don’t apply, let it fly. Keep it pushing.

My heart goes out to Meg and any other women in a similar situation to hers.

Note: if anyone knows of any communities here that’s a safe space for female rap fans, please share lol.