u/Mental-Stuff2391

TL;DR:

I returned from maternity leave and planned to quit to stay at home with babe. My awful boss has gotten better. My baby loves daycare. There’s a job opening at the daycare. Do I stay at my current job, apply to the daycare, or stay home with her?

I recently returned to work after my maternity leave. Before I left, there was a change in leadership and my new boss was an absolute nightmare - picked on me really badly, when I was 30+ weeks pregnant. Like, threatened to fire me several times over tiny things, and had me stressed about losing my insurance right before birth - type of bad.

My husband and I talked while on leave and we are fortunate to not need my income, so we decided that I’d return to work to tie up my responsibilities and then resign to be a stay at home mom.

I have since returned, to tie up said responsibilities. Here’s my conundrum.

1. My boss who was awful, has realized they treated me terribly and are obviously trying to make amends. I had a replacement while I was out who, from what I’ve heard, made my boss realize I’m actually good at what I do. They are making an effort to erase our history and start anew - including giving me a raise. They’re talking about future plans with me in them, and I’m playing along because they don’t know I’m planning on leaving - and it’s making me feel so dirty, almost like I’m lying a ton by humoring them, and I’m having some major pre-emptive guilt.

2. My baby is currently enrolled in daycare while I finish things up. She apparently loves it. Like LOVES it. She’s so happy there, and is making friends and is adored by her teachers. So now I’m also feeling partial pre-emptive guilt about keeping her home? I planned on us joining some baby social groups and things, but she loves her school so much. I’m torn.

3. Her school has a job opening. It doesn’t pay much, but again, very fortunate that I don’t even need an income. I also have experience in childcare and it’s something I LOVE doing, so I’m considering applying because then she could stay in the place she loves, and I’d get to still spend every day with her. But I’m torn on this because I wouldn’t get to be a stay at home mom then, so our social group plans I’ve been looking forward to go out the window. Also, I don’t know if that’s an acceptable thing to do? I come from a corporate world, so I don’t know if this would be crossing lines as mixing personal life with professional, or if I’m thinking too much into it.

I could stay at my current job, but I’m hesitant my boss’s new behavior is temporary, and I also know I’d enjoy working with kids way more than I enjoy what I’m currently doing. But I also feel guilty quitting. But I also know guilt shouldn’t keep me in a job that I’m not sure is for me anymore. But I’d also love to take our girl for Tuesday morning picnics, and to music time at the library, and all of the things.

I’m interested in other’s perspectives because I’ve found myself going in circles. What would you guys do?

I absolutely loved my job. I had a boss I adored, I was doing well, found out I was pregnant, and around 5 months along they changed our leadership team. I fell under a new boss who had recently been put into leadership, so I am her first ever - and only - employee.

I’m not going to dive into the nitty gritty of it all. We just don’t see eye to eye. I don’t know if it’s because I’m her first and only employee that she was being extra tough or what. But around 7 months along, she texted me, I responded, and she wrote me up and put me in a PIP for “lacking comprehension.” She told me I had 3 weeks to pull it together, or I’d be fired. Her supervisor intervened and extended my PIP because she is trying to help my boss be a better boss.

But, I have my insurance through work, and I was so stressed day in and day out that I’d be fired a lose it, right before giving birth. Not to mention, no one would have hired me at 8 months pregnant. I had some other things going on at the time, so I was so stressed.

At 8 months along, I went to my routine check up and was told I had developed severe pre-eclampsia. Again, not going to dive into it. But things got hairy for me, and our baby (we’re both back to full health!)

I’m set to return back to work in one week from today.

And I can’t help but feel a LOT of anger about it.

I know preeclampsia isn’t directly caused by stress, but I know it can play a factor. And I can’t help but think all of that stress and pressure she was unnecessarily putting on me late into the pregnancy, played a part in harming me. Even worse, harming my baby. I have permanent cardiovascular damage. I have to eat a special diet and take medication now. I don’t know if it’s fair or not to feel this resentment towards her and my whole leadership team - but I do. Fair and logical or not, it’s there.

I’m already getting incredibly angry just thinking about returning. I can’t imagine here in a week when I walk in those doors again, and have to be professional.