So I (25F) have been with my boyfriend (24M) since high school, we’ve been together for years. We were both in college at one point but he ended up dropping out due to lack of motivation. He basically was only going to please his parents, and during that time I was constantly on him about either taking school seriously or being honest with his parents. For a little while, I despised him because his parents paid his way through college meanwhile I had to scrape for change and take out loans. So seeing him not take it seriously made me upset.
Eventually he was honest, and he ended up dropping out. Now he has always been the type to stay up extremely late and sleep all day. Which was an issue between us for awhile as I wouldn’t hear from him till 3-4pm. He lived with his parents who provided everything for him. But about two years ago we moved to a different city together.
However after moving in, everything was great he had a full time job etc. but then his parents decided to invest in property here and gave us the option to live in the home they bought rent free only paying utilities. I’m extremely grateful for it as I work full time, and at the time was an undergrad, now I’m in my masters and will eventually have to move to part time to complete my program.
However things got rocky when we moved into his parents property. He decided to quit his job and was unemployed for 6ish months, which I wasn’t exactly the happiest about. For 6 months he stayed up till the early morning and slept till 1-2pm in the afternoon, we rarely went on dates, he never offered to cook dinner do laundry etc unless I asked him. I eventually started to get a little turned off, we have been together for years, and it felt like I was growing but he was content with not doing anything.
Being 25, I want to finish school, get married, buy my own home and have children, but whenever the topic of marriage came up with him he always stated “I don’t want to get married till I have my life figured out and I’m making good money” which always made me upset because how would he ever get there if he’s content with being unemployed and sleeping his days away.
Eventually he ended up finding a job, and everything seemed to get a bit better but then he got injured which required a surgery and a couple months to recover. During this time, he also heard back from a job that he really wanted that basically doubled his salary and would put us at the point of seriously talking about marriage.
Now this is where I feel bad. I am completely understanding of the recovery and was fine with taking care of him etc but now he is at the point in his recovery where he can walk around, and basically live normally aside from lifting heavy things or exercising etc.. he starts his new position soon, but has gone back to his old ways of staying up and sleeping all day.
For an example There has been a basket of laundry that has been sitting for over a week now because I haven’t been able to get to it. I juggle a full time job, that’s remote so I can do some chores while working, but also I’m a student and I plan on getting a part time job to free up debt. On top of that I’m trying to get into shape. He never offers to make dinner, doesn’t ever touch the laundry unless I ask, and will occasionally do the dishes. I have to ask for help with everything, including going on a date.
I am trying to give him grace because he did get injured and had to recover which I get. But he has also been walking around normally for the last 3 weeks and yet I feel like his mom. Asking for help with chores, asking wha he wants for dinner etc. I just want him to grow with me, but also be the man and take control of situations. Tell me I don’t have to cook dinner you have it planned, tell me we’re going on a date tonight even if it’s just to get froyo etc.
Mind you this has all been expressed to him, and nothing has changed. I’m trying to give him time with everything since he’s recovering but I can’t help but be turned off by his lack of motivation and the lack of effort in our relationship. When it comes to compliments and showing me affection he’s great. He tells me I’m beautiful every day etc, but when it comes to the intimate parts it lacks. It’s almost as if he thinks the compliments, and affection is enough. We aren’t even very intimate anymore because I’m always tired or just don’t feel like doing anything. I just don’t know what to do anymore and I don’t want to leave him but I’m also fed up
Also side note: he comes from an Asian culture and his mom very much so baby’s and enables him. If he’s washing dishes, she’ll ask why him and not me. But we’ve also come to the agreement that everything in the house is a 50/50 split.