I (34F) was in a relationship with a man (40M) that felt very intense and meaningful to me. I cared about him deeply and was starting to picture a future together.
While we were traveling together, I received a message from an anonymous Instagram account that sent me screenshots of conversations between him and another woman. The messages strongly suggested that he had been involved with her, including meeting up and potentially being intimate.
I eventually asked him about the messages. He acknowledged spending time with her in a group friend setting and said they had slept in the same bed, but claimed they did not have sex. I found this explanation difficult to believe, which left me feeling confused and unsure what to believe. I love him dearly and ”chose” to believe him.
About a week later, we had an argument that became very heated. He was frustrated that I was still bringing up the potential unfaithfulness and said something along the lines of, “I’ve said everything I need to say—nothing happened.”
Because of past experiences in relationships, when things escalate like that I can feel overwhelmed and unsafe staying in the same space. So I decided to leave the hotel and get my own room to calm down.
When he came back, I tried to talk and repair things, but he didn’t want to engage at the time. The situation ultimately led to me breaking up with him.
Since then, we’ve been in contact. He’s said that my decision to leave surprised him and feels like I ended things abruptly. He’s upset that I “believed a 3rd person” and blew up the relationship so quickly over a “3rd person”. I can understand that it may have felt sudden to him, but from my perspective I was dealing with both the argument and the belief that he may have been unfaithful, and I needed space to regulate myself.
We still haven’t fully resolved what actually happened with the messages. I’ve said that if we were to even consider moving forward, I would need honesty, accountability, and time to rebuild trust.
He seems to want to have one conversation about it and then move on (and repair/rebuild the relationship). I love him dearly and wish this was all a dream.
TLDR: Found messages suggesting my boyfriend may have been unfaithful, didn’t fully believe his explanation, and later left during a heated argument because I felt overwhelmed. Now he wants to move on after one conversation, but I feel I need more time and accountability.