I feel like trash
Imma be clear. This post has a love story and my story ever since i hit puberty 😂 wallah this is serious to me. Ik others have bigger problems, but these are mine. They are big enough for me
Ever since i hit puberty, ive been doing the secret sin (we all know what it is), but last year everything changed. A family member that i havent seen since we were 9, traveled to where i live (she came with her parents obviously) and from the first sight everything changed. Astaghfurallah but its like i was baptized 😂. My brain started playing all the bad things i did, and i also started feeling like trash and that i needed to change myself. I started praying more, started getting better grades, etc. i basically was trying my best to become my best version. Lets not forget i stopped watching that stuff too. This family member is one year younger than me. Obviously i didnt get her instagram or anything, but what i did is make a second account were she eventually blocked me on 😂 but she doesnt know i made the account which is kinda a good thing, but in the same time im scared of because i keep thinking what if she finds out? What will she think of me? Now the problem is i feel like im returning to the old stuff again. Ever since i got blocked, i felt like there is a 0% of marrying her, so i its like i started hating myself and bit by bit returning to the bad stuff again. Now the important thing is this. Ive done many bad things in the past. Im scared the things i did will have consequences in the future (idk how, but i have a feeling it will ruin my future). Ill give you a small exmple and i want you to imagine the rest. Ai P. I fear i there are some vids/pics that ill be the source of. We never know where technology is going to reach. Maybe one day ill be able to search my name and everyone will be able to see everything ive done online. Wallah my brain hurts from all the thinking. Its either i think of the past, or what happened now, and even the future. I keep making dua, but still the thoughts are not leaving me alone. Give me some dua’s or anything. I need someone to talke to because i cant tell my parents all this.