u/Manicmushr00m

My mom is heavy smoker, constantly chain smoking in the living room of our very small apartment. Now i admit, i dont pay rent so my say is very limited, however i cant breathe. My mom went on a trip for a week and in that week i cleaned the entire apartment. So much nicotine came off of so many surfaces and i could finally breathe a bit better. Now shes coming home today so i sent her a text,

“When you come home could you please try to smoke outside”

Thats it. Then she blew up on me completely, calling me names and telling me im terrible, i dont have a say, i wouldnt know anything about stress because i dont leave the house (i have agoraphobia). And then texted my sister to tell her shes going to “blow up” when she gets home. All because i asked her to please smoke outside.

Shes an alcoholic and a narcissist. Im only 20 and i dont have a job or any way to get money, im working on it but god its hard. I feel like shit because everything is always my fault. Did i cross a line? I dont know anymore.

I genuinely feel crazy, today has been awful. Its 3 AM and ive been feeling so dizzy since 8 or 9 pm, dizziness kinda went away and now i have a headache which im begging the universe that it not turn into a migraine. It was also storming most of the day so i was feeling that pressure in my head as well.

All day ive been scared of dying, head issues are my biggest trigger. Ive been drinking water and trying to eat but im so scared. Usually id talk to my mom about my anxiety when it gets this bad but she’s away in a different province and i wont see her till Thursday/Friday. A big problem i noticed is i feel stuck and stranded because i dont have a car or a license. When my moms not here its as though i cant get help.

Idk i feel so stupid. Im really freaking out and im trying not to worry too much because this has happened before and it cant last forever but ive been doing so well with calming my anxiety i sort of feel like im failing myself.

I was laying on my stomach for maybe 5-10 minutes to do a little photo shoot, got up and i feel so incredibly dizzy and sort of nauseous. I know i havent eaten much today so im doing that asap but i think being on my stomach is the main cause of dizziness.

I actually remember something like this happening when i was a kid but no one believed me when i told them “my head feels funny when i lay on my stomach” so i just stopped laying on my stomach. I hate feeling dizzy and im not sure what the cause could be or how to help it. Im laying down which feels slightly better. Is this a neck thing? Does anyone else get this?