u/Mammoth_Flounder_420

I am 38M she is 40F and have been with my girlfriend for about 10 months. We’re now in a serious relationship — planning a future together, she’s about to move in with me, and we’re trying to have a child.

Overall, things between us are good and I truly love her.

The issue is how she handled things with her ex while we were getting to know each other.

We met in early July and very quickly started seeing each other. About a week later, she went on a trip with her ex and had sex with him. I can somewhat understand that since we had just met — but what bothers me is that she later lied about it.

In the months that followed, while we were getting closer, she:

was in daily contact with him

shared the same things with him as she did with me (messages, photos, even intimate content)

basically sent him copy/paste messages and pictures that she also sent to me

told him that she loved him

At the same time, she was telling me that things with him were over and that they were just “on good terms.”

It wasn’t until around December that I realized she only then started to actually cut things off with him.

What also bothers me is that I saw and heard a recording of a conversation she had with a friend at the end of December, where she said that she had met me earlier but didn’t start anything with me because she hadn’t resolved things with her ex yet, and that she’s “not someone who sits on two chairs” — which completely contradicts her actual behavior during that time.

Even after that, there were still:

hidden communication (archived chats, deleted messages)

dishonesty when I directly asked her about certain things

multiple chances where I gave her space to be honest, but she wasn’t

On the other hand, since December/January she genuinely seems fully committed to me and our relationship.

Question:

Is it realistic for me to believe that she has changed and move past this,

or are these lies and the way she handled that situation serious red flags for the future?

**TL;DR; : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, all things are bold. Is this going the right way?**.

Ja sam sa devojkom oko 10 meseci. Sada smo u ozbiljnoj vezi – planiramo zajednički život, ona uskoro treba da se useli kod mene i radimo na tome da imamo dete.

Generalno, odnos nam je dobar i stvarno je volim.

Problem je kako je ona vodila odnos sa bivšim dok smo se mi upoznavali.

Upoznali smo se početkom jula i vrlo brzo počeli da se viđamo. Već nedelju dana kasnije ona je otišla na more sa bivšim i imala odnos sa njim. To mogu donekle da razumem jer smo se tek upoznali – ali me je kasnije lagala u vezi toga.

Tokom narednih meseci, dok smo se mi zbližavali, ona je:

bila u svakodnevnom kontaktu sa njim

delila sa njim iste stvari kao sa mnom (poruke, slike, pa čak i intimni sadržaj)

slala mu praktično copy/paste poruke i slike koje je slala i meni

govorila mu da ga voli

Meni je u isto vreme pričala da je ta priča završena i da su samo u kontaktu kao prijatelji.

Tek negde u decembru sam video da je zapravo tada počela da prekida tu priču.

Ono što me dodatno muči je što sam video i čuo snimak njenog razgovora sa drugaricom krajem decembra, gde kaže da je mene upoznala ranije, ali da ništa nije pokrenula sa mnom jer još nije razjasnila odnos sa bivšim i da “nije osoba koja sedi na dve stolice” — što je u suprotnosti sa njenim stvarnim ponašanjem u tom periodu.

Čak i nakon toga je bilo:

skrivene komunikacije (arhivirani chatovi, obrisane poruke)

neiskrenosti kada sam je direktno pitao o nekim stvarima

više prilika gde sam joj dao prostor da bude iskrena, ali nije bila

S druge strane, od decembra/januara deluje da je zaista posvećena meni i našoj vezi.

Pitanje:

Da li je realno da verujem da se promenila i da ovo ostavim iza sebe,

ili su ove laži i način na koji je vodila taj odnos ozbiljni red flag-ovi za budućnost?