u/Maleficent_Permit_38

Hi,

I 26F started to see this person 31M earlier this year and they came on strong. They seemed really interested in me and then it died out. They weren't ready because they said they were broke and couldn't afford dates and had a horrible living situation. I told them I was fine with that and that I liked their company but they said that they hated their life and ultimately couldn't be in a relationship because of that. I was conflicted and was convinced it was a rejection, but they did everything they could to prove to me it wasn't. I needed space and only checked in a few times and they would always push the conversation along. I felt I had gotten over it as I started to see others and this person was like a friend.

They started making these jokes that put me down in a way but every time I was like "oh thats mean," they would say that they were just kidding or I didn't get humor and I was too sensitive. He ended up apologizing so we moved on.

Now on to today, I send an instagram meme that was about men not yearning anymore and just lovebombing and then it got weird really fast that made me super uncomfortable. He asked me what was the biggest thing that 'modern women' have done to kill off chivalry and I was taken aback and said that sounds very red pilled and that I don't believe women killed it and that men did. He said, "No it was you guys so why do you think that is?" and I replied with an honest answer being like, I think that there has been discourse about men "simping" and not wanting to appear weak and overperforming for eachother because of this new "alpha" men stuff. He replied that it was because women want a man with abs, seven figures, and a car and why would he be chivalrous to a women. And I asked him if he was serious, he replied with "yes, do you have a problem with that?" and i said yes, it's reading misogynistic. It turned into an argument with him arguing that women say that their goal for the year on Hinge to "travel more" is because they are looking for men to pay their vacation. This went on for like an hour. I was really confused by the end of it because then he said he didn't realize it was a serious conversation and that men and women both contributed to chivalry dying if it did die at all.

Essentially his point was that me saying "I hate men," or in this case "men dont yearn," was the equivalent of him saying that women are the downfall of chivalry and only want money and he doesnt want to be chivalrous to women who are materialistic. I asked him if he said all that to prove a point and he just mentioned liking to poke fun at other "sides" but it completely threw me off because the stuff he was saying was stuff when we first met he was against. Like very against, so it was jarring and I didn't know how to react. I also just got tired of the "It's not serious," excuse when I asked if he was serious and then argued that exact point for an hour. I also do understand that he has a point, that there are double standards with men and women. I just feel like saying men don't yearn is not the same as what he was saying. But overall, I could be wrong. I don't know and would like some other perspective on this because I want to cut him out, but I also don't know if I genuinely am just being a hypocrite and over sensitive?

I need help on what to do moving forward. This is a throwaway because I feel he might see it. I'm 27F and had started seeing a 29M earlier this year. I had stopped dating to work on myself and also for a long while I didn't want to so when I started seeing this person it was so uncomfortable for me.

This person was not pushy or love bomby but we clicked instantly, we could talk for so long about anything. He was sweet and funny and considerate and then to no one's surprise got distant. He had explained he wasn't ready for a relationship because he's poor and hates his life and I guess this confused me but I legit was like if you're rejecting me, thats okay. He was admant he wasn't rejecting me, he went so far as begging and pleading and then taking it back the following day. I told him to hold his boundaries but that being friends would be hard. Once I had fully gotten over the situation I sent him some resources I found that he needed, it's not something you reply to but he kept baiting me into conversation and when I wouldn't text back, he would double text. But he never responds to me saying "Hey, you know we will never be a thing,"

Here's the thing that's frustrating for me. I think part of me likes him and another part is frustrated and annoyed. He's chill but he's just so unavailable and its confusing since he was at the beginning. It also makes me feel in a way objectified or something because I'm not gassing myself up but I think I'm pretty, I have 900+ hinge notifs right now, and he made it this whole thing like he couldn't believe i was talking to him and everything he says is self deprecating and he does so much to convince me its not about me. That he really likes me but is ashamed to bring someone into his life. But when I say no friends he just keeps trying to talk and I can't tell if I'm being played. Im sorry if this is confusing, imagine living it. Any insight would so be helpful.