u/Lucky-Percentage5800

I’m 16 and I’ve always been really into earrings, jewelry, and makeup. It’s not just a random phase for me—I genuinely enjoy it and it feels like a way I express myself.

The problem is that my mom has a huge issue with it.

Last year, I bought a simple pair of earrings (they were cheap, nothing extreme), and when I wore them, she got really angry and ended up slapping me twice. She also said things like I care more about “these things” than my studies. That moment really stayed with me, and since then I’ve been scared to even ask before buying something for myself.

There was another moment in Chandigarh where I saw a pair of jhumkas I really liked (they were only ₹100), but I didn’t even have the confidence to ask her to stop so I could buy them. I just assumed it would turn into another argument or worse.

Recently, during Diwali, I did a full face of makeup for photos. I understand that it might have been a bit heavy in real life, but instead of just telling me to tone it down, my mom laughed and said I looked like an “auntie.”

What hurts me is not just the comments, but the way they’re said—mocking, dismissive, and sometimes physical. It makes me feel like I’m not allowed to explore things I enjoy, and now I either hide it or wait for moments when she’s distracted.

At the same time, I’m constantly told that I should focus only on studies and that these interests are pointless.

Am I overreacting for feeling this hurt and restricted? Has anyone else dealt with something like this?

I’m 16, and my relationship with my mom has been difficult for as long as I can remember.

When I was younger, she used to hit me quite often, and that has stayed with me. Because of that, I have a strong reaction to being touched in anger. Even now, during arguments, she sometimes tries to hit me. Recently, she raised her hand to slap me, and for the first time, I stopped her. I didn’t hurt her—I just didn’t want to be hit again. That only made things escalate further.

Yesterday, we had a major fight. It started over small things like my tone and chores, but later turned into a bigger issue about my future. I mentioned that I might not want to give NEET. The confusing part is that I had already said this before during an emotional conversation, and at that time my parents seemed to agree. But this time, my mom reacted completely differently.

She shouted at me for about 30 minutes straight. I didn’t argue back—I just stood there. During that time, she called me a disgrace, said she regrets having me, and said things like “God punished me by giving me you.” She also said things like “it would be better if you didn’t behave like this while living off us” (“humare tukdo par pal ke yeh batameezi na hi kare toh acha hai”).

Since then, she has stopped talking to me completely. She avoids using my real name and has said she won’t even pick me up from my classes anymore.

Another ongoing issue is money. My parents spent a lot on my coaching (Aakash), especially in 11th grade when I didn’t score well. I later left Aakash and joined a different tuition. Now, during arguments, they say things like they can’t go anywhere or enjoy their lives because all their money has been spent on me. It makes me feel extremely guilty, like I’ve wasted everything.

At the same time, she constantly reminds me that she provides for me—education, clothes, food, a place to live. I understand that these are important, but it’s always brought up in a way that makes me feel like I owe her just for existing.

When I talked to a friend, she asked me if my mom has ever made any “extra effort” for me—like doing something thoughtful just for me. I genuinely didn’t know how to answer. Even small things like grocery shopping feel transactional. I feel like if I don’t go with her, she won’t bring anything I like.

There’s also something from the past that affects how I see all this. When my mom got married, my dad’s youngest sister was still young and apparently very disrespectful. My mom often compares me to her. At one point, my grandmother told my mom something like, “When you have your own daughter, then you’ll understand.” Now, my mom sometimes says things that make it feel like she’s judging me through that lens.

Because of this, I’ve started feeling like I’m not even seen as my own person. Sometimes it feels like I’m just being compared, or even used as a way for her to prove something about herself or her past. Recently, she even said that at least her sister used to score well, while I don’t—even though I’m “just as disrespectful.”

The part that confuses me the most is how I feel. I don’t feel guilty for not talking to her. I don’t miss her. I don’t feel that emotional connection people usually describe with their parents. At the same time, I feel really disappointed in myself for even existing in this situation, like no matter what I do, I’ll always be wrong in her eyes.

Most of the time, I just feel disconnected or annoyed.

Is it normal to feel this way about a parent? Has anyone else experienced something similar?