u/Low_Wedding_7516

I don't know what to do w my life at this point

18 ( F )

My\_qualifications :

10th qualification - 95%

12th qualification - 89%

Stream - PCB

This was my 1ST DROP FOR NEET-26

SCORING 268 MARKS

This is going to be a long rant please bear w me

At this point of my life , I absolutely don't know what to do with my life at all...I don't know what is going to happen...I don't know which career is the best or not for me...I gave neet for the first time in 2025 , didn't qualify the exam tbh I never studied for neet , I only studied for boards and got 95 in all my subjects but phy and chem got 80-80 , my parents forced me into a drop , was in severe depression whole year , started to study consistently every single day...9-10 hours but still was never able to score more than 350/720 in mocks , analysed mocks too...but tbh it was never ever my dream to become a doctor...I was only studying because it was my parents dream not mine...I wanted to do graduation in some course and then study for CAT to go into IIM for MBA...I was always a hardworking student till 12th...I had drive , I had ambition , I had motivation and discipline , I had optimism , positivity , i used to love studying , I used to be the topper of my class in 10th , in 11th and 12th , i could never score good in phy nd chem no matter how much I studied and tried , so in 11th my academics went downhill , I still never gave up on life , but in my drop year I fell into severe depression , but still from November I studied and gave my best every single day , I exercised everyday , ate healthy , studied consistently daily but in march-april I again fell into depression lowest at my life.....I pondered on it many times since 11th-12th-drop year , what I really wanted to do in life , I always wanted to go into the business field , I wanted to do MBA , i wanted to learn more about business , I thought if I did bsc biotech for graduation and then did MBA , I had choosen that life for myself but ofc I was never allowed for that...never understood me...my parents think that I have failed in life , that I won't be able to do anything in life and I will be a failure...that dreaming about CAT and MBA is a failure too and i won't be able to do anything in life....they wanted to send me into a private MBBS college but honestly I didn't get the marks for it...during the neet exam too during those 3 hours I was so depressed , I didn't even wanna read the questions , I was fed up , I was done...I lost all motivation and drive for life , I wanted to kill myself every single day , I wanted to die...every single cell in my body didn't ever wanted to become a doctor , I couldn't bring myself to study at all the last two months idk why idk why , I had so much drive to study for my future and now it feels like everything is doomed , life is doomed , life is over , my future and career everything is doomed , I never ever wanted to become a doctor , I used to break down crying for 2-3 hours the last two months when i used to sit down to revise for NEET , I had faith , confidence in myself that if I work hard enough for CAT I would be able to clear it , that if I build my profile well I already had 95% and 89% in 10th and 12th i thought if I studied and worked hard enough for 8 or 9 CGPA in college , my profile would be good , I had planned with faith that I would apply to a lot of internships and take experience , I wanted to apply to finance clubs in college , entrepreneurship clubs , that if I gain experience and build my profile both non-academic and academic and study hard for CAT , I had faith in myself ki mai yeh ker lungi....

But my parents , both of em r doctors...they r truly making me feel like it's the end of their world and my world , that it's the end of my life , that I'm doomed , they r doomed , their izzat in society is doomed , my career is in darkness , I will be a failure in life and struggle...that I don't have the brains to crack CAT cuz I was a little weak in maths in school , yes I was weak in maths in school but I never failed in that subject...I scored 91% in 10th boards in maths subject... I was ready to change my identity, ready to give maths another chance , ready to start learning maths again with a mindset of positivity instead of fear....

But my parents , ik they love me and I love them too and I'm grateful to them for everything...but geniunely, I wanted to make them proud by following my own path but ended up becoming a dissapointment...In school , I participated in clubs , I built science projects , I went to science competitions , i went and won in basketball zonals competitions but still they were never ever proud of me just because I couldn't score well in physics and chemistry , but i was scoring well in all the other subjects...I have always been a dissapointment to them no matter how hard I tried...so in the end before neet , stopped trying , I was fed up by then by every single thing , I was fed up with my life not being in my control , I was fed up that I was studying for smth I never wanted , My school gave me commerce with maths based on my abilities and my parents shifted me into PCB stream , I was done with everything...but in the end , they still don't understand me

They r making me feel that i won't be able to get into IIMs for MBA and I will never be able to do anything...and they r forcing me into private MBBS somehow even at 268 marks in NEET in mop-up or stray rounds ....

Idk why atp , I don't have motivation to do anything in life , I don't have motivation to study at all cuz I feel like my whole life is doomed and and i won't be able to make it...I feel like taking my own life will free me from all this...I want to kill myself but I'm not having the guts to do it , even if I pick up the knife I'm scared I'm scared...scared not because my parents night lose a daughter , I'm scared for myself......idk what to do

I'm sorry this was so long , I had so much inside my chest and I'm crying so badly rn... everything..

I don't know what to do w my life at this point

18 ( F )

My\_qualifications :

10th qualification - 95%

12th qualification - 89%

Stream - PCB

This was my 1ST DROP FOR NEET-26

SCORING 268 MARKS

This is going to be a long rant please bear w me

At this point of my life , I absolutely don't know what to do with my life at all...I don't know what is going to happen...I don't know which career is the best or not for me...I gave neet for the first time in 2025 , didn't qualify the exam tbh I never studied for neet , I only studied for boards and got 95 in all my subjects but phy and chem got 80-80 , my parents forced me into a drop , was in severe depression whole year , started to study consistently every single day...9-10 hours but still was never able to score more than 350/720 in mocks , analysed mocks too...but tbh it was never ever my dream to become a doctor...I was only studying because it was my parents dream not mine...I wanted to do graduation in some course and then study for CAT to go into IIM for MBA...I was always a hardworking student till 12th...I had drive , I had ambition , I had motivation and discipline , I had optimism , positivity , i used to love studying , I used to be the topper of my class in 10th , in 11th and 12th , i could never score good in phy nd chem no matter how much I studied and tried , so in 11th my academics went downhill , I still never gave up on life , but in my drop year I fell into severe depression , but still from November I studied and gave my best every single day , I exercised everyday , ate healthy , studied consistently daily but in march-april I again fell into depression lowest at my life.....I pondered on it many times since 11th-12th-drop year , what I really wanted to do in life , I always wanted to go into the business field , I wanted to do MBA , i wanted to learn more about business , I thought if I did bsc biotech for graduation and then did MBA , I had choosen that life for myself but ofc I was never allowed for that...never understood me...my parents think that I have failed in life , that I won't be able to do anything in life and I will be a failure...that dreaming about CAT and MBA is a failure too and i won't be able to do anything in life....they wanted to send me into a private MBBS college but honestly I didn't get the marks for it...during the neet exam too during those 3 hours I was so depressed , I didn't even wanna read the questions , I was fed up , I was done...I lost all motivation and drive for life , I wanted to kill myself every single day , I wanted to die...every single cell in my body didn't ever wanted to become a doctor , I couldn't bring myself to study at all the last two months idk why idk why , I had so much drive to study for my future and now it feels like everything is doomed , life is doomed , life is over , my future and career everything is doomed , I never ever wanted to become a doctor , I used to break down crying for 2-3 hours the last two months when i used to sit down to revise for NEET , I had faith , confidence in myself that if I work hard enough for CAT I would be able to clear it , that if I build my profile well I already had 95% and 89% in 10th and 12th i thought if I studied and worked hard enough for 8 or 9 CGPA in college , my profile would be good , I had planned with faith that I would apply to a lot of internships and take experience , I wanted to apply to finance clubs in college , entrepreneurship clubs , that if I gain experience and build my profile both non-academic and academic and study hard for CAT , I had faith in myself ki mai yeh ker lungi....

But my parents , both of em r doctors...they r truly making me feel like it's the end of their world and my world , that it's the end of my life , that I'm doomed , they r doomed , their izzat in society is doomed , my career is in darkness , I will be a failure in life and struggle...that I don't have the brains to crack CAT cuz I was a little weak in maths in school , yes I was weak in maths in school but I never failed in that subject...I scored 91% in 10th boards in maths subject... I was ready to change my identity, ready to give maths another chance , ready to start learning maths again with a mindset of positivity instead of fear....

But my parents , ik they love me and I love them too and I'm grateful to them for everything...but geniunely, I wanted to make them proud by following my own path but ended up becoming a dissapointment...In school , I participated in clubs , I built science projects , I went to science competitions , i went and won in basketball zonals competitions but still they were never ever proud of me just because I couldn't score well in physics and chemistry , but i was scoring well in all the other subjects...I have always been a dissapointment to them no matter how hard I tried...so in the end before neet , stopped trying , I was fed up by then by every single thing , I was fed up with my life not being in my control , I was fed up that I was studying for smth I never wanted , My school gave me commerce with maths based on my abilities and my parents shifted me into PCB stream , I was done with everything...but in the end , they still don't understand me

They r making me feel that i won't be able to get into IIMs for MBA and I will never be able to do anything...and they r forcing me into private MBBS somehow even at 268 marks in NEET in mop-up or stray rounds ....

Idk why atp , I don't have motivation to do anything in life , I don't have motivation to study at all cuz I feel like my whole life is doomed and and i won't be able to make it...I feel like taking my own life will free me from all this...I want to kill myself but I'm not having the guts to do it , even if I pick up the knife I'm scared I'm scared...scared not because my parents night lose a daughter , I'm scared for myself......idk what to do

I'm sorry this was so long , I had so much inside my chest and I'm crying so badly rn... everything..

It was my first drop year and I was forced into pcb and science by my parents because it has more opportunities okay I agree it has more opportunities but it was never ever my dream to become a doctor , I had 0 passion for it , 0 interest in it , had no jealousy at all from 1-2 kids in my batches who went into med school , only jealous of those kids who followed their dreams and passion...I somehow scored 89% in 12th boards and then I didn't study at all for neet 2025 my first attempt because I knew It wasn't my goal ,

forced into taking a drop and then I started studying for NEET...studied my ass off for the Allen tests , studied consistently every single day with Allen classes and in weekends studied 9-10 hours and then after practicing every ques and pyq and doing everything I could I scored always around 300-400 in ALLEN mock tests and this broke me slowly little by little , because my hard work wasn't giving me no results...and then I fell into severe depression for 3-4 months , unable to even get out of the bed , I was diagnosed with clinical severe depression and then with the pills I somehow got out of depression around November and stopped going to Allen , started self studying at home for 9-10 hours every single day consistently sometimes even 11 hours , understood all the chapters from YouTube PW , practiced the questions in Allen modules , in NCERT fingertips , PYQS , used to revise the syllabus for Allen mock tests for 2-3 times , used to analyse the papers but still scoring always around 300-350 marks in the mock tests , still didn't give up and thought it's okay let's just do my best always , by February I completed 70% of the syllabus but...

In March 2026 I again fell into depression because of the same reasons because my dreams were different and I wanted to follow my own dreams...wanted to study MBA from a top B-school and wanted to work hard for that...whole march-april I was in severe depression, couldn't even pick up a book to even revise , couldn't study at all for 2 months...gave neet 2026 with a blank mind and now scoring 268 marks in neet 2026...I don't know what rank

My parents still want me to do private MBBS , both of them are doctors and that's why they want to make me a doctor too , they say they can afford the fees either a private MBBS college in UP/ Haryana/ Deemed universities....

Idk what is going on in my life anymore...I'm depressed as fuck and confused...all through 3 years I told my parents and explained to them about my disinterest in the mbbs and healthcare and my own dreams and interests...idk they have always conditioned me in this way that if I don't do MBBS or can't even get into a private college , I will fail in life..All they keep worrying about is every single person / relative / friend will laugh at them and me and how their izzat will go low in society and how I will struggle to meet ends in life if I don't become a doctor , how my life will be only darkness and i won't earn anything and I will always be a failure...

Idk what to even do anymore...I thought if I do get into a private medical college , atleast I will study ache se because its a profession that deals with Lives of living human beings so ofc that much i know that if I do get a pvt mbbs college , I will study sincerely and hard...but idk now if I will get or not...

Is there any private mbbs college in UP I can get with a rank of 4lakh?? I think my rank will be in this range , because in this marks the rank was around 3-4 lakhs in 2025 , 2024 , 2023 , the paper in 2026 was tougher than 2024 but easier than 2025...idk...

Which private mbbs college should I Aim for and which should I avoid??

It was my first drop year and I was forced into pcb and science by my parents because it has more opportunities okay I agree it has more opportunities but it was never ever my dream to become a doctor , I had 0 passion for it , 0 interest in it , had no jealousy at all from 1-2 kids in my batches who went into med school , only jealous of those kids who followed their dreams and passion...I somehow scored 89% in 12th boards and then I didn't study at all for neet 2025 my first attempt because I knew It wasn't my goal ,

forced into taking a drop and then I started studying for NEET...studied my ass off for the Allen tests , studied consistently every single day with Allen classes and in weekends studied 9-10 hours and then after practicing every ques and pyq and doing everything I could I scored always around 300-400 in ALLEN mock tests and this broke me slowly little by little , because my hard work wasn't giving me no results...and then I fell into severe depression for 3-4 months , unable to even get out of the bed , I was diagnosed with clinical severe depression and then with the pills I somehow got out of depression around November and stopped going to Allen , started self studying at home for 9-10 hours every single day consistently sometimes even 11 hours , understood all the chapters from YouTube PW , practiced the questions in Allen modules , in NCERT fingertips , PYQS , used to revise the syllabus for Allen mock tests for 2-3 times , used to analyse the papers but still scoring always around 300-350 marks in the mock tests , still didn't give up and thought it's okay let's just do my best always , by February I completed 70% of the syllabus but...

In March 2026 I again fell into depression because of the same reasons because my dreams were different and I wanted to follow my own dreams...wanted to study MBA from a top B-school and wanted to work hard for that...whole march-april I was in severe depression, couldn't even pick up a book to even revise , couldn't study at all for 2 months...gave neet 2026 with a blank mind and now scoring 268 marks in neet 2026...I don't know what rank

My parents still want me to do private MBBS , both of them are doctors and that's why they want to make me a doctor too , they say they can afford the fees either a private MBBS college in UP/ Haryana/ Deemed universities....

Idk what is going on in my life anymore...I'm depressed as fuck and confused...all through 3 years I told my parents and explained to them about my disinterest in the mbbs and healthcare and my own dreams and interests...idk they have always conditioned me in this way that if I don't do MBBS or can't even get into a private college , I will fail in life..All they keep worrying about is every single person / relative / friend will laugh at them and me and how their izzat will go low in society and how I will struggle to meet ends in life if I don't become a doctor , how my life will be only darkness and i won't earn anything and I will always be a failure...

Idk what to even do anymore...I thought if I do get into a private medical college , atleast I will study ache se because its a profession that deals with Lives of living human beings so ofc that much i know that if I do get a pvt mbbs college , I will study sincerely and hard...but idk now if I will get or not...

Is there any private mbbs college in UP I can get with a rank of 4lakh?? I think my rank will be in this range , because in this marks the rank was around 3-4 lakhs in 2025 , 2024 , 2023 , the paper in 2026 was tougher than 2024 but easier than 2025...idk...

Which private mbbs college should I Aim for and which should I avoid??

It was my first drop year and I was forced into pcb and science by my parents because it has more opportunities okay I agree it has more opportunities but it was never ever my dream to become a doctor , I had 0 passion for it , 0 interest in it , had no jealousy at all from 1-2 kids in my batches who went into med school , only jealous of those kids who followed their dreams and passion...I somehow scored 89% in 12th boards and then I didn't study at all for neet 2025 my first attempt because I knew It wasn't my goal ,

forced into taking a drop and then I started studying for NEET...studied my ass off for the Allen tests , studied consistently every single day with Allen classes and in weekends studied 9-10 hours and then after practicing every ques and pyq and doing everything I could I scored always around 300-400 in ALLEN mock tests and this broke me slowly little by little , because my hard work wasn't giving me no results...and then I fell into severe depression for 3-4 months , unable to even get out of the bed , I was diagnosed with clinical severe depression and then with the pills I somehow got out of depression around November and stopped going to Allen , started self studying at home for 9-10 hours every single day consistently sometimes even 11 hours , understood all the chapters from YouTube PW , practiced the questions in Allen modules , in NCERT fingertips , PYQS , used to revise the syllabus for Allen mock tests for 2-3 times , used to analyse the papers but still scoring always around 300-350 marks in the mock tests , still didn't give up and thought it's okay let's just do my best always , by February I completed 70% of the syllabus but...

In March 2026 I again fell into depression because of the same reasons because my dreams were different and I wanted to follow my own dreams...wanted to study MBA from a top B-school and wanted to work hard for that...whole march-april I was in severe depression, couldn't even pick up a book to even revise , couldn't study at all for 2 months...gave neet 2026 with a blank mind and now scoring 268 marks in neet 2026...I don't know what rank

My parents still want me to do private MBBS , both of them are doctors and that's why they want to make me a doctor too , they say they can afford the fees either a private MBBS college in UP/ Haryana/ Deemed universities....

Idk what is going on in my life anymore...I'm depressed as fuck and confused...all through 3 years I told my parents and explained to them about my disinterest in the mbbs and healthcare and my own dreams and interests...idk they have always conditioned me in this way that if I don't do MBBS or can't even get into a private college , I will fail in life..All they keep worrying about is every single person / relative / friend will laugh at them and me and how their izzat will go low in society and how I will struggle to meet ends in life if I don't become a doctor , how my life will be only darkness and i won't earn anything and I will always be a failure...

Idk what to even do anymore...I thought if I do get into a private medical college , atleast I will study ache se because its a profession that deals with Lives of living human beings so ofc that much i know that if I do get a pvt mbbs college , I will study sincerely and hard...but idk now if I will get or not...

Is there any private mbbs college in UP I can get with a rank of 4lakh?? I think my rank will be in this range , because in this marks the rank was around 3-4 lakhs in 2025 , 2024 , 2023 , the paper in 2026 was tougher than 2024 but easier than 2025...idk...

Which private mbbs college should I Aim for and which should I avoid??