u/Low_Manufacturer1075

I (F21) genuinely don’t know how to be in love without it consuming me.

I’ve been seeing this girl for around 4 months now. We go on dates, talk almost every day, we’ve kissed, and objectively nothing is wrong between us. But the uncertainty of not fully knowing where I stand is slowly destroying me internally.

Every tiny shift feels catastrophic to me. A slower reply, a different tone, a seen message and suddenly my brain convinces me that I’m losing her, that she feels less than I do, or that I somehow ruined everything without realizing it. I analyze every interaction until I physically make myself sick.

And I mean physically. I get nauseous over her. My chest hurts when I think too much. My entire nervous system seems to revolve around whether I feel close to her or not.

The worst part is that she genuinely isn’t doing anything wrong.. I know this isn’t a case of someone treating me badly. I think the problem is that I feel everything too intensely.

I think about her constantly. I imagine conversations with her when she’s not there. My academic performance has dropped because I can barely focus on anything besides her and how she feels about me. And I hate admitting that because I know how unhealthy it sounds.

There was also a period where we stopped talking for almost 2 months after a fight, and I honestly think that intensified my fear of losing her even more now that we’re close again.

I don’t want to stop loving her. That’s the thing. I genuinely love who she is as a person. I just don’t know how to survive the intensity of my own emotions anymore without feeling like I’m losing myself in them.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of all-consuming attachment while being in love? How do you stop your entire emotional state from depending on one person?

I (F21) genuinely don’t know what’s wrong with me when I fall for someone. I’m in a situationship (?? Actually just been going on dates for the past 4 months) right now with a girl I care about deeply and it’s gotten to the point where my feelings physically affect me. I get nauseous all the time, my chest hurts, I shake when she’s around, and my entire mood depends on the interactions with her.

The thing is: she isn’t doing anything wrong. We talk almost every day, we’ve kissed and objectively nothing is “bad” right now. But because there’s no clear label or certainty, my brain turns every little thing into something huge. A late reply, a slightly different tone, a seen message and suddenly I’m convinced I’m losing her or that I care more than she does.

I know it sounds dramatic, but I feel like I’m slowly losing myself in this. I think about her constantly. I imagine conversations with her when she’s not even there. I catastrophize everything and I can’t regulate my emotions no matter how self-aware I am. My academic performance has dropped badly because I can barely focus on anything except her and how she feels about me.

And the worst part is that I don’t even want to stop loving her. I genuinely love who she is. I just can’t handle this level of emotional intensity and uncertainty anymore. I feel like I’m too emotionally deep for things like this, but I’m terrified of losing her if I ask for clarity because I actually feel like it’s going somewhere?? It’s all just really uncertain because we’ve had a fight before which ended in almost 2 months of no contact.

Has anyone else experienced this level of attachment/anxiety while being in love? And how do you stop your entire nervous system from revolving around one person?