u/Low_Bar_9888

I’ll try to keep it as short as possible.

When we first started dating, he would frequently ask for space whenever I voiced any negative emotion or concern. The first time he asked for a no contact break, he proposed 6 months. It upset me to the point I cried to him over the phone so he shortened it to a month. I struggled to stay no contact during that month and he would tell me that I failed. The reason why he asked for space was because of my anxieties about our relationship. But I feel this made my anxiety worse.

When we first started dating, there were two guys on my phone - one who was interested in me and the other one who was just an acquaintance. He got very jealous so I deleted them. I honestly wasn’t interested in them nor did I flirt with them. Then he went on a trip to Thailand and sent me photos and videos. In two separate images, there was the same girl in both and this added to my insecurities. Looking back at it now, I feel like he sent me those images on purpose just to get back at me for having those guys on my phone. I found out he had condoms in his suitcase which he told me he would give to his friend. The first time we slept together, before he went to Thailand, I found several boxes of condoms in his bedroom and a dildo. Months later, I found a brothel on his phone that he denied and deleted.

Whenever I started an argument or expressed any anxiety about our relationship, he would threaten to break up. He would tell me it’s over then block me. This has happened so many times that I can’t count. It escalated. Maybe five months into our relationship he would threaten to call the police on me if I didn’t stop arguing with him. Eventually he called them on me and I grew distressed. This happened several times. Still, we kept breaking up, on and off. He would pretend as if he cheated on me if that makes sense. Tell me that he had sex with other women then deny it. Tell me he met someone and describe her but she wasn’t real. Have fake conversations on the phone with someone else so that I could hear.

Eventually, the police ordered a restraining order against him as I had told them he had put a pillow over my head, among other things like raising his hand at me and lunging at me. We didn’t talk for weeks until he made contact with me through a game. Then we went back to being on and off. He no longer called the police on me during arguments so he would still block me. Whenever we break up and I don’t talk to him, he would call me on a private number and things would be really nice again until a week after we would have an argument and he would block me again.

The only reason why I’ve stayed is because I feel like there is something wrong with me as he has said. He called me crazy, psycho, mentally ill, unhinged, demon, evil and more. I feel like I need to prove that this is not the case. Now, I’ve turned into someone you could consider abusive. I insult him and no longer trust him. I really don’t like who I’ve become but I feel like I can’t leave him considering the avenues I’ve taken already. Like the restraining order and I’ve seen a domestic violence therapist. He has also said that no other woman has treated him this way and he’s never given a woman this many chances.

I genuinely feel like there’s something wrong with me. He has said that I have BPD but I only react this way to him. He says that he’s given me many chances and sees no improvements in my behaviour. How can I leave for the last time? This has happened way too many times now and I need to move on with my life. Please tell me what I can do to make sure this ends.

PLEASE TELL ME WHAT I CAN DO TO END IT FOR GOOD.

I’ll try to keep it as short as possible.

When we first started dating, he would frequently ask for space whenever I voiced any negative emotion or concern. The first time he asked for a no contact break, he proposed 6 months. It upset me to the point I cried to him over the phone so he shortened it to a month. I struggled to stay no contact during that month and he would tell me that I failed. The reason why he asked for space was because of my anxieties about our relationship. But I feel this made my anxiety worse.

When we first started dating, there were two guys on my phone - one who was interested in me and the other one who was just an acquaintance. He got very jealous so I deleted them. I honestly wasn’t interested in them nor did I flirt with them. Then he went on a trip to Thailand and sent me photos and videos. In two separate images, there was the same girl in both and this added to my insecurities. Looking back at it now, I feel like he sent me those images on purpose just to get back at me for having those guys on my phone. I found out he had condoms in his suitcase which he told me he would give to his friend. The first time we slept together, before he went to Thailand, I found several boxes of condoms in his bedroom and a dildo. Months later, I found a brothel on his phone that he denied and deleted.

Whenever I started an argument or expressed any anxiety about our relationship, he would threaten to break up. He would tell me it’s over then block me. This has happened so many times that I can’t count. It escalated. Maybe five months into our relationship he would threaten to call the police on me if I didn’t stop arguing with him. Eventually he called them on me and I grew distressed. This happened several times. Still, we kept breaking up, on and off. He would pretend as if he cheated on me if that makes sense. Tell me that he had sex with other women then deny it. Tell me he met someone and describe her but she wasn’t real. Have fake conversations on the phone with someone else so that I could hear.

Eventually, the police ordered a restraining order against him as I had told them he had put a pillow over my head, among other things like raising his hand at me and lunging at me. We didn’t talk for weeks until he made contact with me through a game. Then we went back to being on and off. He no longer called the police on me during arguments so he would still block me. Whenever we break up and I don’t talk to him, he would call me on a private number and things would be really nice again until a week after we would have an argument and he would block me again.

The only reason why I’ve stayed is because I feel like there is something wrong with me as he has said. He called me crazy, psycho, mentally ill, unhinged, demon, evil and more. I feel like I need to prove that this is not the case. Now, I’ve turned into someone you could consider abusive. I insult him and no longer trust him. I really don’t like who I’ve become but I feel like I can’t leave him considering the avenues I’ve taken already. Like the restraining order and I’ve seen a domestic violence therapist. He has also said that no other woman has treated him this way and he’s never given a woman this many chances.

I genuinely feel like there’s something wrong with me. He has said that I have BPD but I only react this way to him. He says that he’s given me many chances and sees no improvements in my behaviour. How can I leave for the last time? This has happened way too many times now and I need to move on with my life. Please tell me what I can do to make sure this ends.