I'm a new ramp agent. Was working on the south side of A concourse and saw city vehicles hauling ass tonight. Then fire services, and probably 15 busses headed out onto the runway. It's crazy out here y'all.
Hi, all.
So I have been having some internal conflict about something that happens to me every once and a while and I want to connect with people who may have experience with PTSD or other similar conditions to get a sense of direction on what I've been going through and how to seek help.
In order to ask this question, I feel like it is appropriate to share part of my story that is relevant.
This past summer I was a zipline guide. I witnessed a coworker fall to their death. She did not die instantly. She fell about 80 feet backwards over the edge of a cliff. I didn't see her fall, but I heard her hit the ground, saw her after the fall, and had to coordinate evacuation of the course, and get help for her by myself. I just happened to be looking backwards when it happened. Based on our regular routine, witness statements from guests on the trip, and the fact that it was our rappelling section of the course my mind has sort of filled in the gaps of what happened. I was not able to reach her to provide aid so instead I called 911 and my managers to help her, then I evacuated the guests from the course.
Okay, so now on to the actual question. Once every couple of months I will very vividly replay the memory of that event in my mind. I can hear her body hitting the ground, I can imagine the exact place I was standing, and the dialog that took place at the time. This memory always leads to a state of emotional distress for me. Could this possibly be a PTSD flashback? The way I've always precieved PTSD flashbacks has been such a clear and defined thing. Modern media has been my only real basis for this assumption and no doubt the only reference I have.
Any answers or insight that could be provided would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
P.s. Sorry if the formatting is poor. It's 6:00 a.m. and I've been up all night after a particularly bad episode of the very issue I'm describing.