u/LongSeesaw3789

I've always loved Kirin Ichiban, typically only seeing it at japanese restraunts. For years had only had it out the bottle. Always have my eyes peeled for it on draught but it's rare. First time I had a pitcher of it, I realized it tasted way different. Huh, probably dirty lines or something. Next time at a different place a year later same thing. I walk into my local pub and see it on draft again and alas SAME THING. Am I crazy? Im in midwest USA btw. Normally its a very easy drinking, super light slight fruity drink (similar to a farmhouse ale like new glarus spcow) but on draught its like a bastardized version of itself that's too fruity and bitterness is either gone or overpowering

Before the onset, I really took for granted how it felt to have absolutely nothing on my mental agenda. Even if there are no external commitments or demands of me I don't ever have "free time". Every moment from when I wake up till go to sleep is a life or death urgency and suffering is the rule rather than the exception. Rumination creeps in through every crevice regardless of how vigilant I am. I can't enjoy a sunset as it reminds me of the person I was before, where this was nice to see; now it just makes me jealous of all of the others who are now enjoying it without the baggage attached to every thought. I'm fighting so hard for my life, but every exposure I do, every compulsion I don't entertain, it just feels like there's a fire building in my chest that doesn't go out regardless of how long I sit with it. I just sat through 30 minutes of a show that I like and didn't feel a hint of pleasure, joy or entertainment. Just a permeating dread that loomed and terrorized me despite no interaction or attention given to the thought. I don't think I'm built for this

It's hard for me to click because of a neurological issue, but tapping works fine like where I'm hovering my fingers above it and then tap and let go like using a touch screen on an iPhone. Also, if it's out of my wheelhouse where would I go to hire somebody to do this?

Edit: capacitive, not haptic. Like a phone screen tap

Is there like a video essay going around or something lol