u/Live-Literature-4456

My anti-social feelings and behavior started to spike drastically after my last heartbreak and brutal betrayal that happened April 8th. The love of my life, 3rd ex that I thought was my last ex was cheating on me the whole time whole we were together for 18 months and broke up with me the day after she called me "her world" and "her baby boy" planning our future saying how she just couldn't wait to start life together... to the very next day after her getting grounded and finding out the truth bomb about her cheating from her sister she says "You were emotionally abusive and I never wanna see you again."

2nd ex before her is what she promised not to be like. She promised she wouldn't betray or abandon me like this 2nd ex did. My 2nd ex was emotionally abusive and blamed it on her trauma and self diagnosed BPD and DID. She did not want to get therapy for it so we went seperate ways (1 year relationship) after going through her torment and leaving she spread false rumors and accusations that ruined my school environment turned it hostile the staff treated me like a criminal and I failed my senior year. I still havent gotten justice and been able to go to court.

And now Im here. After years of bullying and isolation and rejection and dehumanization.. after betrayals of the only people I thought saw me and valued me.. All the times I've been harmed and betrayed by people... even the people I trusted the most and thought were safe. I can never tell when someone will change.

To my understanding now it looks like nothing lasts forever. And the average human already lost what I've been holding on to and was gifted since a young age. And that's the ability of empathy and CARE for other people. Not just surface level niceness. But truly understanding how your actions affect other people. And the will of wanting the best for them. Everyone now days are so selfish and don't care. They don't hold on to connections. Friends to them mean someone you coexist and have a good time with for a moment. Friend to me is someone you share a deep long term connection with you got that person's BACK they're not just an associate you have fun with every now and then. Girls get into relationships thinking love is a FEELING. They make promises they don't intend to keep. They switch up and change like the weather.

Our entire society is built off selfishness. Murder, rape, THEFT, enslavement, lies and deception and BETRAYAL... Humans are inheritly evil and I was cursed to not have inherited that as well because it serves me no good...

What's the point in being rich or successful or being in shape or being a "top tier man" if your need for connection and DESIRE from a woman isn't going to be fulfilled?

It's a question I've been struggling with recently a lot since 2024. My motivation has plummeted. I've been wanting to give up on life.

Since the age of 4 years old, when I first gained consciousness, I had the goal to find a wife, a girl who would love me and be by my side no matter what. I fell in love with the idea of that, and I wanted that so freaking bad...

And years past, I'm 19, turning 20 soon, and lots of suffering and isolation have turned that goal into something even bigger. I don't want just one wife anymore. I want more than one. NOT "gold digger" wives or sex workers REAL WIVES. Real high value women who love me deeply and cherish me and are loyal to me and want to be in my life and love and support me till death does us part.

But as I look around my IRL life with friends, with family, online, and even just out in public irl when I was at school or WORK. It seems like love like that will never exist for me, and I won't even be able to get ONE high value girl to even stay.

My mom never stayed with a man, all my friends and people I knew that's been in relationships they're relationships ain't last. My ENTIRE FAMILY is all broken up and divorced and beefing with each other. I can't name a singular, healthy, happy long-term couple, I know. And of course, from MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, I tried 3 times, did everything right, everything I could, and they still left me, and they say it was because I was "too good for them".

Ive always been a lover boy and I'm still a virgin but recently I've been thinking about even letting go of that fantasy and just get my money and status and body game leveled UP and become a toxic fuck boy and have sex with as many girls as I want and can and give up on long term and being truly deeply desired not just for a fleeting moment but for life. Because even the champs get girls, but they don't stay UNLESS they're trauma bonded, and I dont even get down like that.

It's just like in the end my efforts will have been for nothing. And that's a pain I would rather not face because that's far worse than just not trying. Trying your hardest and your efforts still wasn't enough.

I would like reassurance, but instead, I might just get chewed out. But I felt it was worth a try. I'm just in the darkness looking for a glimmer of light again. Looking for hope that my dream can still exist.

What's the point in being rich or successful or being in shape or being a "top tier man" if your need for connection and DESIRE from a woman isn't going to be fulfilled?

It's a question I've been struggling with recently a lot since 2024. My motivation has plummeted. I've been wanting to give up on life.

Since the age of 4 years old, when I first gained consciousness, I had the goal to find a wife, a girl who would love me and be by my side no matter what. I fell in love with the idea of that, and I wanted that so freaking bad...

And years past, I'm 19, turning 20 soon, and lots of suffering and isolation have turned that goal into something even bigger. I don't want just one wife anymore. I want more than one. NOT "gold digger" wives or sex workers REAL WIVES. Real high value women who love me deeply and cherish me and are loyal to me and want to be in my life and love and support me till death does us part.

But as I look around my IRL life with friends, with family, online, and even just out in public irl when I was at school or WORK. It seems like love like that will never exist for me, and I won't even be able to get ONE high value girl to even stay.

My mom never stayed with a man, all my friends and people I knew that's been in relationships they're relationships ain't last. My ENTIRE FAMILY is all broken up and divorced and beefing with each other. I can't name a singular, healthy, happy long-term couple, I know. And of course, from MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, I tried 3 times, did everything right, everything I could, and they still left me, and they say it was because I was "too good for them".

Ive always been a lover boy and I'm still a virgin but recently I've been thinking about even letting go of that fantasy and just get my money and status and body game leveled UP and become a toxic fuck boy and have sex with as many girls as I want and can and give up on long term and being truly deeply desired not just for a fleeting moment but for life. Because even the champs get girls, but they don't stay UNLESS they're trauma bonded, and I dont even get down like that.

It's just like in the end my efforts will have been for nothing. And that's a pain I would rather not face because that's far worse than just not trying. Trying your hardest and your efforts still wasn't enough.

I would like reassurance, but instead, I might just get chewed out. But I felt it was worth a try. I'm just in the darkness looking for a glimmer of light again. Looking for hope that my dream can still exist.

Im 19M and my life fucking SUCKS

I got no friends that I can truly call at 2am or go out and hang out with. Im still a virgin and every girlfriend I had (3) used me as an emotional support animal and abandoned me once I was of no use to them. I'm struggling to get a job because every but fast food restaurants keep "not having spaces available".

I grew up comepletely INVISIBLE. Disrespected. Never praised until I got good grades and it was a point I made being "intellegent" my identity because that's all people ever saw me for.

2nd gf ruined ny senior year with false accusations and I ended up failing because my school environment was HOSTILE and I was treated like a criminal when I did nothing wrong at all but break up with an emotionally abusive woman (she was 19 I was 17 at the time when we first met) that blamed her abuse and neglect on her trauma and self-diagnosed BPD and DID.

AND IM NOT THE ONLT GUY THAT CAN GET THINGS RUINED FOR HIM BY A WOMAN'S FALSE ALLEGATIONS

ALL IT TAKES IS A WOMAN'S TEARS TO END A GUYS LIFE!!!! ALL A WOMAN HAS TO DO IS NOT LIKE HER HUSBAND ANYMORE TO DIVORCE HIM TAKE HIS KIDS AND HALF OF HIS WEALTH IF NOT MORE!!!

BUT MEN ARE MORE PRIVELEGED?!?!?! My entire life I've felt like a fucking PEASANT. Like the world I live in aint even my own. Im constantly affected by other people's actions and the way they perceive me.

If I was "privileged," I'd have friends, I'd have a job, Id be RESPECTED among my peers, I'd EASILY be able to get a girlfriend and a wife that TRULY VALUES AND DESIRES ME. And if I was privileged the justice system wouldn't be so quick and ready to end my life.

Edit: in addition because of my life experience never EVER in my ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE will I believe men are more privileged than women as an African American male born into poverty without a father.