Still living with narcissistic parents (15 3/4 yo) and unsure of what to do
I’ve always been labeled the problem child in my family, and I guess I’ve internalized it. Back in October 2025, I was watching a meme video about insane parents. The YouTuber was kind of talking about how bad those parents are, and I was like “?? that’s normal, this dude is just spoiled.” But halfway into the video, one meme hit particularly hard so I searched it up, and apparently taking a child’s door away for months at a time is not normal nor healthy.
Anyways, this realization has brought me to realize that my parents may be narcissists. I’ve been going through a hard time coping with this and I guess I took some of it out on them. they’ve started freaking out on me and limiting me more than before. For example, my sister had a job by 16 and a car by 16 or 17. since trying to be more independent/aware of their behaviors, I’m having a hard time just trying to get my parents to let me do driver’s ed. They also say I need to go to some stay-away summer camp for at-risk kids and they threaten to call the cops on me fairly often. other times though, they act decently enough. Sometimes I feel like I’m the monster because they say I caused them trauma. But even still, they’ve got a ton of toxic behaviors I think might be sinking into me. For example, my sister and her boyfriend had a really messy break up and my mom started talking trash about him. I feel like I quickly jump on the train of trash talking because it just makes things easier. The ex boyfriend a good guy though, and I don’t want to be the type of person to do this. I don’t know how to preserve my sanity when I’m living with narcissistic parents, unable to fight back against them due to trying to keep myself safe from them but also unable to conform because it feels like it makes my true self unsafe.
I think I should clarify that when I say my narcissistic parents, I mean my mom and step dad. My dad has been burned by my mom, so he kind of gets this. however, when I go to him, he’s more neutral than emotionally supportive. I think he’s trying to do well, but I don’t think he’s operating on a level that feels enough for me right now. And everyone else either buys into my mom’s lies, or dont care about my experiences with this. I go to a small school, and my mom’s been trying to weave her net inside it to enmesh her own high self image into the school.
I don’t want to have to deal with my narcisstic parents at all. I want to cut all contact as soon as possible. however, I’ll probably still be financially dependent on them for college and gender affirming care and whatnot, and I’m not confident in my ability to be independent. What are y’all’s thoughts on this? Do I conform to my narcissistic parents and then get away and heal, or do I stand out against them and risk my safety? How do I escape safely?
Disclaimer: my parents aren’t as bad as other narcissistic parents. They probably won’t be over the top abusive.
I guess this kinda turned into a rant lol, thanks for reading