Need help !!!
Im 19 rn took a drop for neet 26, flipped it up and now Im stuck. Ive been an over achiever from very young age. Tho I wasnt the 1st ill be in top 4. But things took the biggest turn ever during covid. I started cheating for my exam...online classes, online exams. So evryone thought i was some shit. Cuz of all the cheating i forgot how to learn. But ive always been someone who grasps concept really well esp in class, the over answering student in class. The came 10th boards offline, i had no clue how to study, since I was an active listener i got 94%(everyone in school expected 98%, so thats a major disappointment). 11th full jolly no studying...still topped in class. Then 12th got 91% taking pcmb..again everyone expected 95 above, again a disappoinment. Then the major question what next....i never really knew what to do all alonf so I went with neet cuz my cousins have topped that exam. Got into a coaching miles away from where i live in a hostel. First, i ddint know how to learn cuz everyone there had a coaching bg..n there was me. I scores were lowm then i satrted cheating in all weekly test. N before I could stop it...the model exams got over and neet was near. I cheated all year long, cheating my myself and my parents. Neet got over 450 max, cuz I could only do a handful of questiosn from phy. Lied to my parents, even then my father called me a mistake( lied i got 580). Ive now registered for iat. I just dont wanna be a mistake, i wanna prove myself. I dont wanna go thru neet again. Its that Im not dumb, i can solve hard questions but doomscrolling flipped up my brain, i cant concentrate, i cant sit still n study. Im overthinking and wasting my time. I literally dont study and get good grades. I dont know how to get out of this loop. Can someone pls help!!!