Hi - I’m 26, currently 9w4d.
I’m really scared to post this, but I need advice and I’m asking for no judgment. I already know I made mistakes and I’m dealing with the consequences.
I just got out of a 7 year relationship. We were engaged about 7 months ago. Our relationship had been stagnant for a while, and during that time, I cheated. Once. One mistake. My fiancé found out and we broke up on March 23rd. I’m literally heartbroken and it’s my own fault, I know that. I’m not a horrible person or a serial cheater. It’s a mistake I wish I could take back.
What I didn’t know at the time is that I was already pregnant….from the other guy. I’m certain it’s his because my fiancé and I hadn’t been intimate since January. I didn’t find out I was pregnant until after the breakup, and my ex-fiancé does not know.
Here’s where it gets really complicated. My ex and I struggled with infertility for 5 years. I have PCOS and other issues, and my body never ovulated. We tried everything within my obgyn office, trigger shots, IUI and nothing worked. We were told IVF would be our next step down the line.
So finding out I’m pregnant naturally was a complete shock. But, It honestly broke my heart because this is something I always wanted… but it’s not with the person I still love. Madly love.
The other guy knows now and is excited. He has no kids and wants to be involved. He’s a good person, but I don’t really know him deeply. He still lives with his parents (he works 12hr shifts, 2hr commute each way, so I understand why), and to add, he has a great job and financially stable, but it scares me that he hasn’t really experienced full independence. I find myself constantly comparing him to my ex, who had his life very put together, owned a home, and was an incredible partner.
I’m completely torn. Some days I wake up and feel 100% sure I want an abortion. I’ve even researched out-of-state options since it’s not legal where I live. Other days, I feel like I can’t go through with it especially knowing I was told I might never conceive naturally. Being a mom is something I’ve always wanted, and part of me feels like this could be my only chance. I just find myself wishing this miracle would’ve happened in January, the last time my fiance and I were intimate.
On top of that, my family doesn’t know the real reason my ex and I split. We kept it private. I’m terrified of their reaction if they find out I’m pregnant and connect the timeline.
Only my sister knows, and while she’s supportive, she is pro-life and keeps reminding me this could be my only chance to have a baby and it’s wrong to abort - which adds more pressure.
I feel like I’m grieving my relationship, dealing with guilt, and facing a life-changing decision all at once. I go back and forth every single day and I can’t seem to land on what I truly want.
I’m not asking anyone to make the decision for me. I just really need perspectives from people who have been in similar situations or can offer insight without judging me.
I’ve been juggling this decision since the day I found out - at 6w 3d.
My mom was a drug addict who ran out when I was 1, and my dad never remarried, so I also don’t have a mother figure to speak to/run to for advice/comfort.
If you made it this far; thank you for reading.