u/KyMe33

I wanted to start by saying I have autism and ADHD, I tend to be very supportive and caring in friendships and I have past truama which causes me to overthink at times, and this recent situation has been on my mind for a while.

To keep things as short as they can be, a friend of mine with BPD has left me about 3 months ago, we had a very close and reciprocal friendship for about a year and a half (with me being their favourite person for the first while or so), texting almost every day, with me usually reaching out and helping her with her problems, and sharing things and posts daily to each other. I noticed that after we ended up playing one day, she removed me from her story, and a few days later when I checked in, she said that she’s just been inactive, and readded me, I noticed that by now that I’ve been close to being the only one interacting, and a few weeks later when she ended up saying how she had a really bad day on her story and I reached out again asking how she was doing, for her to say she’s doing ok while asking how I was, and unadded me from her story again, for her to not respond to my message after I shared how my side was going for a weeks time.

I end up saying how I’ve been noticing the distance and just checking in, but wondering if I should step back, she ended up saying that it has nothing to do with me and how it was her burnout, and apologized a great amount of times, saying things like she promises to do better, that she really should have told me because she knows about my trauma, and was anxious about her self image and might have unconsciously pulled away with the plans we had to meet up in the near future, but that she really enjoys our calls and texts and everything else and really likes the idea. I ended up reassuring her, and when I asked directly if I should reach out less she said it was fine as is.

Another week passes and I still received nothing from her despite our conversation we had and her saying things were fine with our current communication. I decided to ask to play, I didn’t get a response for a long time while she was still active and responding to others, which made me end up saying later that night how it’s not her fault, but how I need a break from the friendship because only me initiating has been hurting me.

She ended up saying sorry and asked how we should take the break the night of when I said that, and the next morning she messaged me saying how she thinks we are vastly different, how she can go months without talking to someone and doesn’t like being expected to respond, and how she doesn’t know how to meet in the middle, while saying she truly understands my side. I can understand her anxiety, but when I’ve been the only person reaching out and not getting anything back, along with her saying we’re different when our friendship was great back then, along with the reassurance it had nothing to do with me last week, made me anxious and confused me.

I ended up saying how I feel like I’ve been trying to communicate as we were before, and since I know she’s going through a lot I felt I needed to be there more, but how I know I can’t fix everything and need to work on that myself, but when I noticed changes like her story and not getting anything back it caused me to jump to conclusions, when saying that I know it was likely because she needed time for herself. She ended up saying a short apology, how she got anxious I would respond but how it’s really her fault, I ended up saying how it was something that hurt and confused me for some time, but how I’m happy we could talk, and how I’m going to take the break for 2 weeks or so, she ended up saying she understands and to take my time, only to block me 2 hours later.

I ended up sending a respectful message a month and a half later saying I wish her the best, but I got nothing back from it, and I thought I would ask here if I could have a better understanding of her perspective, because from the communities I’ve seen, they treat people with Bpd really bad, and as much as I’m still hurt about the whole situation, I thought having a better insight would be better to balance my thoughts, shes not a horrible person, and I still care about her, even through everything. My emotions from how things left I just feel broken being left without closure, with all the reassurance she gave me the week before and her care, her promise to do better, and that I thought if we had issues that we could work through them. From what it seems when I sent the message a month and a half later she’s moving on quick, and it hurts because it makes me feel like our friendship didn’t mean much, so I’m just looking for perspective of someone who might know more about her side.

I feel like a idiot for caring, like a idiot for putting so much effort to piece together the friendship we had, like a idiot for trusting her promises that she would “do better” as there was no changes and she promised her distance had nothing to do with me while saying our communication was fine as is when I asked her if she needed distance. She constantly pulled and pushed for the last month of our friendship and I noticed I was the only one initiating while she made constant changes behind my back I could see that made me question if I did anything wrong and like I was walking on eggshells.

Suddenly after all her words of reassurance along with constant apologies about her distance, another week passes and when I finally say I need a break from how I’ve STILL been the only person reaching out, we are suddenly “vastly different” despite us having a great friendship before and how she doesn’t like being expected to respond, along with how she “truly understands me” when I was truly asking for basic decency of not being ghosted for weeks only to be told things are ok and reacting to intermittent reinforcement, then after I expressed how her changes made behind my back hurt me and confused me and how much I do still care, she says a short apology saying she got anxious about one issue. But right after that? I say how I was hurt about that change but happy we could talk, and I’m taking the break and going to come back in two weeks, and she says she understands me, and to take my time, only to block me.

I can’t help but feel horrible, it’s been 3 months and even after I sent one message saying I wish her the best a month and a half later, I still got nothing back. I feel horrible I care so much about someone who tossed me away like I was nothing, who already is moving on to a new source, someone who treated me like everything we’ve shared and known about each other and our problems like it was nothing. How she knew about my past friends and my trauma along with overthinking but still decided to leave me with no closure. I’ve been having a lot of better days recently, but the last few days have just been hurting a lot more.

I feel like I care too much about people, and at times I do recognize that myself, but it genuinely has been destroying my mind how she gave me so much reassurance and promises only to drop me like that. It’s makes me feel like an awful human being for caring so much, like my care was the issue and I feel disgusted by myself that I care so much.

Has anyone else been through something similar? I feel like if I hear other peoples story’s on such it’ll help me feel like my emotions are valid, or get a better understanding on what happened