My 23F partner 26M moved on in one week after three years of a relationship together
**TLDR at the bottom**
I (23F) supported my boyfriend (26M) through med school for 3 years, and once he became a doctor he gave up on me.
This is long, but I genuinely feel shattered and need outside perspectives.
We started dating when he was in his second year of med school. We come from the same Middle Eastern background, same religion (Muslim), same values, and honestly had amazing chemistry.
I’m an engineer so him being busy was something I could understand and get over.
The biggest issue from day one was his family.
They’re very conservative and believed they should choose who he marries. Despite me being from the same culture and religion, they refused to accept me. For years they insulted me, refused to meet me, and made our relationship incredibly difficult.
Still, I stayed.
I supported him through everything:
\- staying up every night on FaceTime while he cried or vented about med school and family pressure
\- emotionally carrying him through breakdowns
\- spending thousands on gifts and supporting him however I could
\- constantly asking for less and less from him because I thought being understanding would make him love me more
We were conservative, so we never lived together. We did things “properly” according to our values and planned to get engaged near the end of his final year of med school.
Eventually, after YEARS of resistance, his parents finally gave us the green light. I genuinely thought everything we suffered through was finally worth it.
Then suddenly they changed their minds again and told him if he married me, he would no longer be their son.
He spiraled mentally. He became depressed, isolated himself, and we both fell apart emotionally. Around graduation time, we ended things because everything became too painful. He graduated medical school, and I couldn’t even attend because I wasn’t his fiancée. Then he went to Europe for 2 months “to clear his mind”.
After 2 months of no contact, he came back and messaged me saying his parents had changed their minds AGAIN and that they now supported us getting married.
I was hesitant because at this point I didn’t trust his parents anymore. I told him:
“I’ll only come back if you promise me that if your parents change their minds again, you’ll still come ask for my hand alone.”
He was EXTREMELY adamant.
He promised me:
\- he would “stop at nothing”
\- he would “crawl” to my house alone if he had to
\- that nothing would stop him from marrying me
So I believed him. A few months passed, and every time I asked about engagement plans he became angry and avoidant. I could tell deep down he knew his parents were going to cancel again.
Then it happened. His parents once again said if he married me they would disown him. They told him he could go alone if he wanted, but they would not support him in any way.
He completely collapsed emotionally.
I reminded him of his promise that he said he would still come alone and choose me regardless.
And suddenly everything changed.
He told me:
\- he “couldn’t” do it without his parents
\- he couldn’t promise marriage anymore
\- if I wanted to “stay along for the ride” I could, but he had no timeline or guarantee
\- and if I wanted to leave, that was my decision
Basically, he wanted me to end it so he wouldn’t have to carry the guilt of breaking his promises.
I asked him one last time:
“Can you at least promise you’ll keep trying and eventually come alone?”
He said he can’t make that promise.
So I ended the relationship.
When I ended it he said that if i leave he will still uphold his duty of marrying me the traditional way. I told him not to make any promises he can’t keep but I was honest and said I’ll try to move on. A small part of me was happy that he still wanted to try to make things right though.
We tried no contact, but after a few days I called him because after 3 years I couldn’t suddenly erase someone from my life.
The person who answered the phone didn’t even feel like him anymore.
He became cruel and cold in a way I’ve never experienced before. He told me:
\- “leave me alone” “you left me” “I hate you” “go f\*\*\* yourself” “all you do is hurt me like my parents” “I care more about my work than you” the call was a lot worse he was yelling and swearing so much and started getting even more angry when I began to cry.
Then he literally said he wanted to go watch his TV show and hung up.
I tried reaching out afterwards to end things peacefully or talk maturely in person, but he ignored every message and call.
But what broke me most was what happened after.
ONE WEEK later, he had already started adding multiple women from our area on social media (some who even dress very provocatively) Including girls he specifically told me not to worry about during our relationship. I of course would expect him to have began speaking to them since a lot of these women have tried to reach out to him before. He never had any women on social media before this other than coworkers.
This is the same man who claimed to be ultra religious. The same man who said I was the love of his life. The same man who cried over losing me.
And somehow within a week he was already entertaining other women while I could barely get out of bed. That’s the part I can’t understand.
How do you spend 3 years building a future with someone, talking about marriage, calling them your soulmate, letting them support you through the hardest years of your life… and then move on instantly?
I feel used. Like I helped build him into the man and doctor he wanted to become, and once he finally got there, he discarded me because I became too difficult to fight for.
Did he ever actually love me or was I just emotional support until his life got better?
**TL;DR: I supported my boyfriend through 3 years of med school while dealing with his extremely controlling parents who never accepted me. He repeatedly promised he would marry me even if his parents disowned him, but when the time came, he backed out and told me he could no longer promise me a future. We broke up, and within ONE WEEK he became cold, told me he hated me, and started adding multiple new women on social media including girls he told me not to worry about during our relationship. I genuinely feel discarded after sacrificing so much for someone who claimed I was the love of his life.**