u/Klutzy-Grand4744

I keep getting this message from people irl and even on this sub sometimes. I understand they just mean well, but it's so hard not to care about what others think of you.

Social anxiety has become a living nightmare for me. When I look back on every time I was asked "Why are you so quiet?", or when I was ridiculed and laughed at for my awkwardness, I can't help but justify their actions.

My social skills are clearly lacking, but even my parents were critical of me throughout my childhood. Aren't parents supposed to be a little empathetic to their kids? I grew up hearing how I was sensitive, and my parents would talk shit about me behind my back. About my social anxiety, ofc. Also, I was verbally bullied in school, too. I've been told so much shitty stuff that I could write a book about it. Every word they've said stings.

All of this has led me to loathe myself, and I can't stop ruminating about all of the times I was laughed at. Most people have been assholes to me, but I can't stop hating myself over it. My therapist told me to try to reframe my thoughts, but I just can't. I literally have no 'proof' of why I don't deserve to be ridiculed. Why did I have to be this way?