u/KiwitheBirdNOTAFruit

I kept telling myself to wake up, open my eyes, wake up!! But I couldn’t. Like I knew I was dreaming and I wanted out but when ever I woke up I just woke up into another dream, I couldn’t wake up into reality. It got really frustrating! I was finally able to actually wake up into reality when my cat meowed because he wanted breakfast (at like 3am 😂 thanks cat!) I used to have this happen a lot when I was younger and using drugs so I always passed it off as a side effect of that. But I haven’t touched any of that for a long time! Has this happened to anyone else? Is there a reason why you can know your dreaming (but not lucid dreaming - because for what ever reason I can never actually reach that point) but be unable to wake yourself up?! It was almost like my brain was trying to interrupt itself but my sleep cycle was like nope we are gunna ride this one out until the end.

Why if I’m going to have a true nightmare (I say true nightmare because I have the wildest craziest dreams that walk the border of dream/nightmare all the time but they don’t necessarily feel scary and I don’t wake up in a panic with my heart racing like with a true nightmare) is the setting always based in my childhood home, the first home I have lots of memories from? What is the symbolism behind that? They always start out as not being able to properly use the light switch and progress into some sort of terror - either paranormal or crazy humans. For example night consisted of a hoard of crazy teens smashing the neighbours windows and ripping them out of their homes to terrorize them, and then trying to do the same with me in my home, but somehow I managed to fight them off before they broke through. But the setting is always the same - always that house on the hill, my first memory of a home.

When they finally call you in for surgery, how much notice do they give you? A few days? Weeks? Months? I just finished all my further testing (CT scan, bone scan and lymph node biopsy) a little over a week ago. I’m assuming they are waiting on results and coordination between the plastic surgeon and the surgeon that’s going to be removing my breast, along with a time that works for them and an available operating room. My son turns 6 in less than two weeks, his birthday party is in just over three weeks, and I have a concert that we bought tickets to go to way before I had any sort of diagnosis coming up close to the end of April. I want to keep living my life in the meantime, but I’m scared they are going to call me up any minute and say “hey we have you booked in for tomorrow morning!” Although at the same time that wouldn’t be a terrible thing either! I’m just a planner and I like to prepare!

Sorry I used the conversation flair, but maybe this is more of a rant since it’s been something I’ve been thinking about a lot and just want off my mind.