u/KhajitIsBored

EXISTENTIAL OCD! I won’t go into detail about the fears just yk. I think this stuff applies to ocd in general.

It’s so hard for me. It’s apparently everything and anything that will trigger me. Underground songs/poems or YouTube videos. Books or quotes get me too. Or movies. Today it was a simple link that could have been anything but the post was 11 years old so it was like deactivated. I find it hard to explain just like it’s a what if this thing is related to what I’m scared of.

How do you deal with apparently ridiculous triggers that could be entirely unrelated to anything that scares you? I feel ridiculous when I turn every little corner and find something to be anxious about.

I do not like being like this. And I don’t know how I’m supposed to stop. I’ve posted before, quite a bit. It’s some relief. If you’ve seen me before you know what my crisis is about, summed up ontological nihilism, what if I’m not real or nothing is, the concept of nothingness/nothing.

I was reading a book, doing thing I like to try to live my life, Play It As It Lays by Joan Didion. It’s not existential or at least not in the way that I thought would trigger me. On page 66 or 67 there was a sentence “As if in a trance Maria watched the woman, for it seemed to her then that she was watching the dead still center of the world, the quintessential intersection of nothing.” I don’t know what it means, it might be some silly author writer. The word nothing is of course what got me. She says the dead still center of the world which she relates to the quintessential intersection of “nothing”. Is the world the nothing? I could be completely misunderstanding it, it’s the type of writing I’m likely too.

Another one, “One thing in my defence, not that it matters: I know something Carter never knew, or Helene, or maybe you. I know what "nothing" means, and keep on playing.”

I also read an article: Joan Didion’s ‘Play it as it Lays’ A Meditation on Nothingness. Which certainly elevates my stress.

How ridiculous am I that a horrible days long spiral can be triggered by a single sentence. I was feeling a bit better so I tried to do things I enjoy, tried to live my life but it seems I can’t even do that without stumbling upon a word or a phrase that may or may not be what I think it is. I think about songs too or poems that have or seem to have words or ideas that scare me.

I can calm myself down occasionally. I’ll be doing fine then something happens and I won’t be doing fine. I don’t think people understand me. Others share my fears or at least I think they do but nobody gets as triggered as I do but this stuff by everything it seems sometimes. They want me to just stop and not react to fear and anxiety and I want to but I just can’t. Not for any substantial amount of time. I’ll sometimes set a timer for like half an hour before acting on whatever it is I want to do to alleviate the stress, usually post, but the second my created timer rings I am practically itching to do it.

Maybe some of you know what it is like to go through this. To be triggered by so much and so little at the same time. Basically be searching for something else to upset you.

On page 66 or 67 there was a sentence “As if in a trance Maria watched the woman, for it seemed to her then that she was watching the dead still center of the world, the quintessential intersection of nothing.” I don’t know what it means, it might be some silly author writer. The word nothing is of course what got me. She says the dead still center of the world which she relates to the quintessential intersection of “nothing”.

I also read an article: Joan Didion’s ‘Play it as it Lays’ A Meditation on Nothingness. I thought it was a book about the moral corruption or the wealthy elite. Like Great Gatsby. In that book there a quote along the lines of “the world was built on fairy wings”, writers speech for what? The article I read had the word nothing and nothingness in it a lot.

Can you explain what this means?

EXISTENTIAL OCD TRIGGER WARNING!

I don’t like being like this. And I don’t know how I’m supposed to stop. I’ve posted before, quite a bit. It’s some relief. If you’ve seen me before you know what my crisis is about, summed up ontological nihilism, what if I’m not real or nothing is, the concept of nothingness/nothing.

I was reading a book, doing thing I like to try to live my life, Play It As It Lays by Joan Didion. It’s not existential or at least not in the way that I thought would trigger me. On page 66 or 67 there was a sentence “As if in a trance Maria watched the woman, for it seemed to her then that she was watching the dead still center of the world, the quintessential intersection of nothing.” I don’t know what it means, it might be some silly author writer. The word nothing is of course what got me. She says the dead still center of the world which she relates to the quintessential intersection of “nothing”. Is the world the nothing? I could be completely misunderstanding it, it’s the type of writing I’m likely too.

I also read an article: Joan Didion’s ‘Play it as it Lays’ A Meditation on Nothingness. Which certainly elevates my stress.

How ridiculous am I that a horrible days long spiral can be triggered by a single sentence. I was feeling a bit better so I tried to do things I enjoy, tried to live my life but it seems I can’t even do that without stumbling upon a word or a phrase that may or may not be what I think it is. I think about songs too or poems that have or seem to have words or ideas that scare me.

I can calm myself down occasionally. I’ll be doing fine then something happens and I won’t be doing fine. I don’t think people understand me. Others share my fears or at least I think they do but nobody gets as triggered as I do but this stuff by everything it seems sometimes. They want me to just stop and not react to fear and anxiety and I want to but I just can’t. Not for any substantial amount of time. I’ll sometimes set a timer for like half an hour before acting on whatever it is I want to do to alleviate the stress, usually post, but the second my created timer rings I am practically itching to do it.

Maybe some of you know what it is like to go through this. To be triggered by so much and so little at the same time. Basically be searching for something else to upset you.

I don’t like being like this. And I don’t know how I’m supposed to stop. I’ve posted before, quite a bit. It’s some relief. If you’ve seen me before you know what my crisis is about, summed up ontological nihilism, what if I’m not real or nothing is, the concept of nothingness/nothing.

I was reading a book, doing thing I like to try to live my life, Play It As It Lays by Joan Didion. It’s not existential or at least not in the way that I thought would trigger me. On page 66 or 67 there was a sentence “As if in a trance Maria watched the woman, for it seemed to her then that she was watching the dead still center of the world, the quintessential intersection of nothing.” I don’t know what it means, it might be some silly author writer. The word nothing is of course what got me. She says the dead still center of the world which she relates to the quintessential intersection of “nothing”. Is the world the nothing? I could be completely misunderstanding it, it’s the type of writing I’m likely too.

I also read an article: Joan Didion’s ‘Play it as it Lays’ A Meditation on Nothingness. Which certainly elevates my stress.

How ridiculous am I that a horrible days long spiral can be triggered by a single sentence. I was feeling a bit better so I tried to do things I enjoy, tried to live my life but it seems I can’t even do that without stumbling upon a word or a phrase that may or may not be what I think it is. I think about songs too or poems that have or seem to have words or ideas that scare me.

I can calm myself down occasionally. I’ll be doing fine then something happens and I won’t be doing fine. I don’t think people understand me. Others share my fears or at least I think they do but nobody gets as triggered as I do but this stuff by everything it seems sometimes. They want me to just stop and not react to fear and anxiety and I want to but I just can’t. Not for any substantial amount of time. I’ll sometimes set a timer for like half an hour before acting on whatever it is I want to do to alleviate the stress, usually post, but the second my created timer rings I am practically itching to do it.

Maybe some of you know what it is like to go through this. To be triggered by so much and so little at the same time. Basically be searching for something else to upset you.

I’ve had a few different experiences recently related to my personal existential fears. Sometimes I’ll wake up and just be anxious but like really anxious and like anxious about a specific thing that I just can’t remember. It usually goes away.

Today though it was different. I woke up feeling anxious but with a clear word for word sentence in my head, “thoughts are illusions” the type of reality questioning thing that kickstarts my anxiety. Which is based around like I said questions regarding what is even real, is anything real? Am I real? Most terrifyingly. But the sentence which sounds like a philosophical quote, doesn’t ring a bell in my memory.

I don’t know if I’m going crazy or if this is something other people go through, like yk fully formed thoughts that you wake up to that you’ve apparently never thought before and are related to your anxieties. I cants seem to get a break even in my sleep.

I’m taking melatonin recently and have been on Prozac a while. If that’s relevant. I’ve said a lot here. I’m anxious and annoyed and confused and sleep deprived so I’ll just ask this clearly,

Is there a word to describe what this is? A fully formed sentence/quote you’ve never heard before (I’m pretty sure) related to the things you’re stressed about.

I’ve had a few different experiences recently related to my personal existential fears. Sometimes I’ll wake up and just be anxious but like really anxious and like anxious about a specific thing that I just can’t remember. It usually goes away.

Today though it was different. I woke up feeling anxious but with a clear word for word sentence in my head, “thoughts are illusions” the type of reality questioning thing that kickstarts my anxiety. Which is based around like I said questions regarding what is even real, is anything real? Am I real? Most terrifyingly. But the sentence which sounds like a philosophical quote, doesn’t ring a bell in my memory.

I don’t know if I’m going crazy or if this is something other people go through, like yk fully formed thoughts that you wake up to that you’ve apparently never thought before and are related to your anxieties. I cants seem to get a break even in my sleep.

I post a lot. Talking about my stuff, voicing my thoughts to people who might understand or be able to help makes me feel better.

Existential OCD trigger warning.

I have had things of a similar sort happen before. Today I woke up anxious and confused with a very clear thought in my head, which I guess felt like it might have been from a dream or something. My existential anxiety is reality questioning, am I real, is anything real, is anyone? That kind of stuff. Any the thought was “thought is an illusion” which sounds like a philosophy quote that would certainly trigger me but I don’t remember reading it or thinking about this quote before waking up today.

Is this something that happens to other people? It was a very clear word for word thought that I had or premonition which is what it feels like. But again I don’t remember it before today. Is it a philosophy quote I just somehow forgot or my ridiculous ocd brain bullying me in my sleep?

I’ve had things of a similar sort happen before. Today I woke up anxious and confused with a very clear thought in my head, which I guess felt like it might have been from a dream or something. My existential anxiety is reality questioning, am I real, is anything real, is anyone? That kind of stuff. Any the thought was “thought is an illusion” which sounds like a philosophy quote that would certainly trigger me but I don’t remember reading it or thinking about this quote before waking up today.

Is this something that happens to other people? It was a very clear word for word thought that I had or premonition which is what it feels like. But again I don’t remember it before today. Is it a philosophy quote I just somehow forgot or my ridiculous ocd brain bullying me in my sleep?