
This is a scene that's always confused me. Why does Butcher blow up the c4 after Stillwell is killed? Why does he smile when he does it? Butcher should be aware that Homelander won't be affected by the c4, so is this scene just him attempting suicide after his plan fails? If so then that's out of character for season-1 Butcher. While some suicidality has been present with Butcher for almost the entire show, it was (save for Black Noir's encounter in season 2) always in a kamikaze sense as Butcher is willing to throw his life away if it means killing Homelander. Him trying to commit suicide in a way that won't harm Homelander just doesn't make sense. But I don't get what else he could be trying to do if not suicide.
I've tried to understand this scene ever since I first saw it, but I just don't get it.