To rent obviously lmao
I looked at 2 houses. The first was decent, built in the 90s, and was pretty good. The 2nd was $100 more per month, and looked shittier everywhere but the outside. I chose the first one.
I'll be moving with my best friend. I've got really good credit and income, his is questionable. Fortunately, my solo income is still more than 3x the rent so I don't mind really. I hope we get it.
I make a decent amount of money, enough to where I could get a nicer apartment. At the same time, I want to save money.
The apartments I looked at today either had no availability, or were on the more expensive side.
I found some really good apartments, 2 beds for a decent price, but they apparently have a problem with exotic pets. I have a corn snake. The least exotic animal I have ever seen. It is what it is. Might just sneak her in, idk.
Though the breakup itself was my fault, she was not innocent and had clear issues that I ignored. Now I'm not sure if I want her back, or I just a girlfriend in general.
I think if we were to get back together, it would take a lot of work on both ends, and I'm not sure if she could do that.
Honestly I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me.
The goal here is not to stop thinking about them, its to lessen the power those thoughts have over you.
Step 1: Identify the thoughts
Personally, there are 3 types of thoughts I have about my ex:
Memories: This is me remembering something that actually happened, and I feel sad because of it. These are normal, and they eventually lose their power over you in time.
Hope: This is when I think "We had such a strong bond, we'll get back together for sure." This also includes thinking about future conversations or things you'll do if you get back together. This feels nice in the moment but its unhealthy long term and will only keep you stuck.
Anxiety/Grief: These thoughts are: "I lost them forever," "They'll never take me back," "I fucked this up for good," and "I'll never find this again." This is your brain trying to lessen the impact of grief. These are probably healthier than Hope, but nothing you should give in to long term.
Hope and Anxiety/Grief are the ones you really got to watch out for. And neither of them is telling the whole truth.
When a thought about them comes up, identify it as one of those.
Step 2: Acknowledge the Thought
Tell yourself "this is: a memory, hope, or grief. This is normal, but it doesn't define my present"
You don't have to tell yourself exactly that, but something similar.
Step 3: Redirect your energy
Turn your focus back to whatever you're doing in the present. In my downtime, I like to read, exercise, or play sudoku to distract myself. Distraction isn't bad, as long as you're not using it to escape sadness every time.
You will have to do this A LOT. And slipping back into those rumination loops will be very easy and feel almost comforting sometimes, but you have to resist. Its hard to pull yourself out of those loops. Eventually it will get easier and the thoughts about them will come and go without ruining your day.
I'm moving out of my parent's house this summer after I graduate. I'm not a moocher I swear. I just like my family and help around the house. I finally feel like I'm emotionally to live alone.
I've got enough savings and a good job to where I can afford a good apartment.
What should I watch out for when I'm doing a tour, what questions should I ask?
Despite my relationship only lasting 4 months, it still felt like I lost someone I knew for a decade.
Month 1: Easily the hardest month. I was crying more than I've cried since being a baby. My anxiety and moods were all over the place. I could hardly eat, drink, and interact with people in that first week. Not texting her was the hardest thing I've had to endure. It was like withdrawal.
Month 2: Getting better, some genuine good days. Still crying a bit and anxiety is around, but I could feel it getting better.
Month 3: Somehow month 3 has been worse than month 2. Less good days, and less bad days. More "meh" days. Not much crying. My anxiety has spiked a bit in the past week just because I could reach out soon, but I know I'm not ready yet.
The hope of getting her back and the anxiety of never getting her back are constantly battling in my head. I'm getting better at riding the waves and not giving either too much attention
I've been going to therapy for my lonliness, anxiety, and addiction. I think I've just hit a plateu in my healing journey, and it feels like I'm getting worse since I'm not getting better. Its hard to describe.
Practical stuff that makes it easier:
Unfollow them, lock pictures and items away, avoid romantic media, do some sort of physical exercise every day, talk to friends and family every day, and find something you're excited to do.
Its been almost 3 months of no contact since my breakup. It was my fault, and I've done the work since to improve. I'm waiting to reach out until after college finals.
That hope of getting back together is starting to wear off and I'm realizing how little of a chance I have even though I handled the breakup properly. I didn't fight her on it. I didn't beg her to come back. And I did immediate no contact because I've done this dance before.
A part of me wants to reach out right now and rip the band-aid off and get told she wants nothing to do with me.
It is kind of relieving to know that whenever and however I reach out, it won't get her back.
Anyways, I'm sure I'll be hopeful in about 5 minutes because it cycles like that