u/Key_Birthday_516

I am struggling and am unsure what to do anymore. To sum things up my bf struggles with gambling addiction, alcoholism and is living with my family and I (was suppose to be temporary but now it’s been 5 months).

He has ADHD and other MH issues that are undiagnosed. He doesn’t go to therapy or really seek out any help even though I’ve heavily encouraged it. 2 months ago he received a ticket for driving without insurance and was given a court date. I found out for myself by calling that he missed the court date and now has a warrant in a different province (where the ticket was issued).

I made a post earlier but I deleted it as he found out about it and got upset. Since then we have made up and I explained to him that I was looking for support as I am frustrated and needed to get things off my chest. He was upset because he didn’t like that I hid it from him and said he doesn’t like me talking to strangers on the internet about his situation because they are missing context (which I partially agree with).

He just seems to be getting worse and it’s very draining and upsetting. He makes good money but never has any because of his addictions and whenever I confront him about this stuff such as tonight when he found out about my earlier post he just says he’s trying and not to worry about it.

I am unsure what support I can access to help me with this and where to go from here.

I’m going to try to make this as short as possible while still including as much info as I can. I (22f) have been with my bf (25m) for almost 2 years and things just seem to be getting worse. I love him so much and he really is an amazing guy but I have been so fed up recently.

He is a gambling addict, an alcoholic and used to have an issue with cocaine (he only stopped a couple months ago because his dealer died). I didn’t know any of this for the first 4 months of our relationship as I would not have committed if I knew he had all this going on. Even after I found out it took me a while to realize the severity of his issues. I have a past with addiction that I now have under control so I empathize with him deeply as I see the pain he is in.

I support him in every way I can, he lives with me, my mom and brother and does not (usually) pay rent. He lost his apartment about 5 months ago and originally was only staying with us until he could get back on his feet. He makes good money (about 110,000$ a year) but cannot keep it as his gambling addiction is severe. Recently things have been getting worse. In December he had a suicide attempt in which I had to call emergency services and since then he has been doing poorly. He is always doing well for a few weeks and then “falls of the wagon” again is some way.

His parents now have control of his bank account but he has found other ways to gamble. Recently I noticed he’s been drinking more (he’s more of a “functional alcoholic” as he’s able to work, get his shit done etc) but it’s but very concerning as he had ADHD and definitely other undiagnosed mental health issues that he won’t go to therapy for (been once, hasn’t been back).

Most recently he got a ticket for driving without insurance in a different province, his vehicle was impounded and the ticket was 2800$. His court date was April 20th (I had to find the information about his court date out myself as he didn’t really want to discuss it) and he missed it. I found this out 2 days ago as I called and they told me he now has a warrant for arrest in that province. I told myself I’d leave him if this happened but here I am trying to figure things out.

His behaviour is escalating and when he came home from work today he was drunk. I honestly don’t know how else to help him and what else to say to him. I’ve provided him with resources, helped him get on medication for ADHD, tried to encourage him to seek counselling/therapy and given him a space and a home to be while he tries to get back on his feet but nothing has really changed. I just don’t know what to do anymore I am truly at a loss.

It is very difficult because he goes through periods of doing super well for a couple weeks and then completed falls off, is very impulsive, gambles, drinks and acts in a way that I don’t want to be around as he can be rude and unpleasant. I know that everyone will tell me to leave him and I see why, but that does not feel like an option at the moment. What can I do?

TL;DR, my boyfriends behaviour is going downhill/escalating and I don’t know what to do.