u/Key-Studio-6552

We have a 3yo and I have been a SAHM since birth. I used to work and share all the expenses before becoming a mum, but my husband is the provider at the moment and I care for our daughter and all the housework and cooking with no help or support from family.

I’m now pregnant with second child and lately my husband has become someone I dont know. he is always angry at us at home, always going out with friends, complaining about everything. Living with him has been a nightmare. I am pregnant and cannot rest, feels like parenting alone. Husband acts like he doesn’t have to do anything else because he pays bills.

I need some advice on what to do. I feel completely lost. I don’t know how I’m going to go through postpartum with my husband. have you separated with two little kids? How was it for you?

Im pregnant with our second child and feel very unsupported by my husband. Im a SHM with our 3yo, he pays all our expenses, but apart from that I don’t feel much emotional availability from him.

Any time off he has is been dedicated to friends, gatherings with friends, helping friends. I feel like he doesn’t care about me. doesn’t care to help with any house work, doesn’t have patience with our daughter. doesn’t have any time to be fun with us.

I feel so disappointed. He makes me feel like I can’t expect love and care because he pays for everything. I feel extremely lonely and unloved. also the pregnancy hormones don’t help I guess, I may be more emotional and in a bad mood but the feeling of having my feelings ignored make me even more grumpy. if you ever feel like this in your marriage, how did you come around it?

I’ve had it. I’m pregnant with a toddler and for the past couple of days I have cooked and cleaned for this visitor that is not staying at our place but has spend already two days at our home. Watching sports and drinking, swearing near my kid, messing up all the routine and never leaving.

Yesterday he was meant to come quickly to see our place. Got here at 2pm and left at 8pm. Today he was meant to come for lunch and leave before 4pm. He has arrived at 1pm, it’s 7 pm and he is still here. talking so loud drinking and swearing. I have no more energy left to host people.

While this inconvenient friend is here my husband doesn’t do anything, doesn’t help with toddler, cleaning or cooking. I am about to explode with rage. Not to mention that this guys was in our town 6 weeks ago. he is already here again. I know he is my husbands friend, but it’s very uncomfortable to be hosting for this long two days in a row and I don’t know how to sort this out.

sorry, end of the rant of a pregnant tired mama.

EDIT UPDATE: thanks everyone for your support and suggestions. I should have done something while I had energy and patience to be nice. I ended up exploding in rage, asked my husband for them to stop swearing and keep the environment ok for our kid. they were already too drunk, husband took the side of his friend, because according to husband he pays all the bills so he does as he pleases in his house 🤯I was shocked, them both left to drink more with his friend. I have a much bigger problem then an inconvenient friend.

Just to add, before posting here I had tried to head out with toddler to the park for 1,5h, so they could wrap up the gathering. Still no change or no actions from either of them. It just got worse and louder when we returned home. It was raining and getting dark so we had to return.

After the first day this friend came to visit my toddler became very uncomfortable near him and did not want to get close to this guest or be in the same room as him ( I think because of his bad behaviour and alcohol stank). He kept forcing contact instead of respecting toddler space Which made the situation worse, toddler just kept refusing being near him. I could not and wouldn’t leave my toddler with husband and his friend because I found this behaviour strange. It had never happened with anybody else. This friend would also come and try to tickle her against her will, which is so wrong. I felt like I had to watch her the whole time. We were just in the room but he would come and try contact even with me saying “No, please give her space”.

On the previous day when this friend left at 8pm my husband left with him, so they both kept spending time together and drinking, they had enough time together to see each other. I had also given husband the morning to sleep in so he wasn’t too hangover for lunch. I understand if his friend is over visiting I should do more with our little one, we had planned that and I was happy to facilitate the meet up with friend. Until he over stayed both days. ( someone had said that only six hours per day with a visitor isnt overstepping).

I also don’t have family in this country, I’m new to this town so had nowhere else to go. If this marriage survive I will sure avoid this happening in the future. And would rather be at a hotel if this person comes back to my home.

My disappointment with husband is huge at this stage. I feel really sad my kids have such weak and inconsiderate father. I can see how problematic he is for allowing this in our home, for not defending our space and for not respecting me or my daughter. Very disappointing, especially when you’re pregnant :(.