Break up
I spent almost six years in a relationship with someone who was extremely toxic and narcissistic, and I feel like it completely changed me as a person.
Almost every day I had to hear that I wasn’t pretty enough, not good enough, too fat, or that I was the reason he watched porn and talked to other girls. He would go out, secretly turn off his phone, lie about sleeping, and then message other girls behind my back. I would find things on his phone, sit there crying in front of him, and he would literally laugh at me and tell me I was crazy or making things up.
And somehow it always became my fault. If girls wanted him, he acted like that excused everything. He constantly manipulated situations to make me doubt myself. Sometimes I would call him over and over because I knew something felt wrong, and he would purposely ignore me just so he could later accuse me of cheating or being somewhere else. He always twisted things around.
Meanwhile I gave everything to him. I supported him emotionally, financially, and stayed there through all his problems at home. I was there for his family too. He didn’t want to work, so I constantly helped him with money. We never really did nice things together, but somehow he always had energy and time for other people.
Over time I completely lost myself. My confidence disappeared. I stopped enjoying life, stopped wanting to go outside, lost friendships, and spent most of my time in bed feeling empty and alone. I genuinely started believing I wasn’t worth anything because that’s what I heard for years.
I’m 22 now, and honestly I don’t even know how to love myself anymore or how to feel normal again after all of this. I don’t know how to move forward, how to feel comfortable in my own skin again, or how to stop feeling so emotionally exhausted all the time. Sometimes it gets so overwhelming that I genuinely question whether I even want to keep living
I think the hardest part is realizing how much love and patience you gave to someone who slowly destroyed your self-esteem while making you feel like you deserved it.
I’m still trying to figure out how to become myself again.