u/KeepOnTrippingOn

I was really excited to reconnect with her because we had matched before, and we talked really well all night. She deleted the app the day after we first matched, but I didn’t think anything of it or take it personally bc she told me that she’s has a problematic past with dating and she was kind of going through it.

This time we matched, we talked nonstop all night, and then the next day again. When I say nonstop, I mean my phone died at hour 6 of the workday because I had been using it so much. Pretty much instant replies all day long.

That day, Friday, we made plans to meet up today. She lives an hour and a half away, and I was happy to drive that far to meet her.

Ok also idk where this fits into the story but we also talked about how we’re probably just going to be friends because she is into masc girls and I’m not really that masc. She did give me mixed signals on that, flirted with me, then friend zoned me, then said we’ll be friends, but if feelings develop then so be it.

But anyways, I was thrilled to be just friends with her. I’m living in a new city and haven’t made any friends since I moved here a year ago.

We still talked nonstop after that conversation, the vibes were not ruined at all.

Then Saturday, I text her to tell her about how one of my dates had gone and to ask her how her picnic went. I tried to start more of a conversation, but her answers didn’t really leave much to expand on, so after about 5 texts back and forth over the course of a few hours. I just left it alone. I didn’t think much of it because I just figured we were both busy enjoying our saturdays. At about 8 pm, I asked her “where should I meet you tomorrow?”

Her response:

oh girl i didn’t hear from you too much today i ended up making other plans 😭

Obviously I was super disappointed because I was so excited to meet her. I don’t think it’s fair for her to say she didn’t hear too much from me because I was the one texting her first and leading the convo and she was the one not giving me that much energy.

It’s so frustrating too because she had given me multiple pep talks about how much people on apps suck and I shouldn’t take it personally and I need to know my self worth and not put up with bad treatment and stuff like that. So how is she going to be just like everyone else and basically stand me up?

At first I said “ohhh sorry” and then sent “:(“. I regret apologizing lmfao. Should I just leave it at that, or should I tell her more about how she made me feel?

I think I want to say something like:

“Hey, I thought you were really cool and I was super excited to meet you and get to know you. I would have loved to be your friend. I’m really disappointed you made other plans.

I think it’s unfair to say you didn’t hear from me much, because I was the one who text you first, and I stopped replying when it felt like you weren’t putting much energy into the conversation. I didn’t think much of it, I just thought we were both just taking our time to enjoy our saturdays.

It’s kind of ironic you told me I need to know my worth and not put up with bad behavior and then you went and treated me like all those girls you were talking about treated me.

Anyways, I’m just telling you this to speak my truth and let you know how your actions affected me. I wish you the best tho”

UPDATE: she just now text back “it’s okay” in response to me apologizing (which I regret doing). So now I can either say something back or never text her again

UPDATE 2: I couldn’t wait for y’all’s answers lol. I texted her this:

Since you encouraged me to speak my truth and know my worth and whatnot I'm just going to be perfectly honest:

It really disappointed me that you made other plans. I was super excited to meet you and be friends with you.

I don't really think it's fair to say you didn't hear from me much. I text you first, and then after about 5 texts back and forth you weren't really giving me much energy, so I just figured we were both just busy enjoying our Saturdays. I didn't think anything of it. If you were having second thoughts about meeting me due to us not talking much on Saturday, I wish you would've said something about it or tried to text me more.

I think it's ironic you gave me those pep talks about how people on apps are when you acted just like them. Tbh in my mind this is just as bad as that girl I told you about who recently ghosted me. It was just rude and inconsiderate and it made me feel like I wasn't good enough.

UPDATE 3:

She sent a voice memo back. Here’s the transcript:

I'm sorry you feel bad about yourself but that really wasn't the case at all. I'm really a planner and I knew that you're probably gonna be driving from Birmingham so it's almost 2 hours away so when I just didn't hear from you a lot, you know usually that means like OK I'm going back out of this without saying anything and that's fine. It's no pressure at all but that's kind of just how I felt and I was like OK I'm just gonna end up and it's Mother's Day so I was like maybe she forgot it was like Mother's Day cause that's what I'm doing today. Spending the day with my mom. But you shouldn't feel bad about yourself at all. You know I just really am a planner my whole life planned out so Just like when I didn't hear from you I don't ever want to put pressure on people, but they don't wanna do anything like I said I'm really good with the flow and I let I let other people lead and I knew that you would be the one to drive here so I was like I was like yeah I don't. It's not. It's not hitting like she wanna come so you know I didn't know when you were gonna decide to leave it. We kind of briefly talked about it and I was like oh the candle shop is closed so I was like great cause I thought that would be fun cause I went to go make candles maybe like around my birthday two months ago it was really fun so I thought that would be fine and we could talk. It won't be like as awkward cause we have you know, instructor, and other people around us and then I'm gonna show you the art gallery that we have here. I thought that would be fun and take photos and stuff but no, please don't feel bad about yourself, but that's what I thought. But yeah, it's still pretty day. Still go out and do something and have fun today.

I’m not sure I’m autistic, but I’m definitely adhd. Not always, but sometimes, I experience what I think is pda. I just refuse what I need to do no matter how badly I want to do it.

What are some strategies I can use to overcome this? Right now it feels like I’m drowning in unfinished responsibilities.

What do yall do to get pursued? Am I just not pretty enough? Not cool enough? Not something enough?

It doesn’t have to be them one sided persuing me. I’ll happily reciprocate. But it feels like no one is willing to reciprocate for me.

With all of my matches on apps (I know apps suck but I don’t really have a way to meet queer women otherwise), it feels like I have to be the one to lead texting. I have to be the one to initiate and plan the meet up. If I don’t do it, the connection just tapers off into nothingness.

There has been one woman who genuinely persued me, and I appreciated it so much. There were things about her personality that I didn’t like, and it felt like we never actually connected, but I was willing to stick with it for months just because it felt nice to not have to be the one to lead everything for once. I kept hoping I’d change my mind lmfao, but unfortunately I never did.

Where do I go to find more persuers? Women who actually like me? I don’t think I’m that bad looking. My personality takes a while to shine through, maybe that’s my issue. They think I’m boring or something.

Anyways just a little rant.

Go see my last 2 posts if you’re interested. Basically a hinge match wasn’t giving me any energy, and I was debating whether or not I should double text her, and then I did and she gave me a lame half assed response about how she’s busy the days I suggested and she didn’t even suggest other days she was free

So I was going to stop texting her, but then I sent her a teasing text that said “ok miss nonchalant”.

And she said “oh don’t pmo”.

And then I said “nah bc what are you doing instead of spending time with me?”

And basically that launched us into some playful banter that’s been really fun and I’m glad I did it

Yesterday I posted about whether I should double text an unresponsive hinge match or not.

She posted a hot selfie on her story that I accidentally watched 12 minutes after she posted it. I made a split decision to like her story and message her.

I said “how am I supposed to be obsessed with you if you never respond 💔💔💔”

She said “you’re right I’m sorryyy :/ unfortunately I’m not free Saturday or Sunday tho” which was in response to my original message about me not being free on Friday but being free on Saturday and Sunday.

So basically I’m back at square one fellas

I’m trying to get LAID. For context I’m 27 years old and have never had sex, have only kissed a handful of times.

I don’t feel attraction very easily; however, I finally made a match on hinge that at least physically, I’d want to have sex with.

We barely texted before she asked when I’m free. I told her, and then she never responded.

Flash forward to a couple weeks/months later, I come across her profile again on hinge, and we matched again. She asked if I’m free this Friday, I said no but gave her alternative days I’m free. That was Tuesday, and she still hasn’t responded.

I really wanna double text her because I’m sooooo horny and to put it plainly I want to fuck her. If her texting is indicative of her personality, she’s wayyy too uninvested to be a good partner, and I realize that, but I don’t really care. I don’t have to be her partner as long as we can have a good enough time together when we do see each other.

My pride says leave it be. She didn’t care enough to text me back once, and now she’s doing it again. I shouldn’t beg for someone to give me their attention.

But is my pride keeping me celibate?

I’m pretty desperate, I live in a small southern us city and there really aren’t too many opportunities for dating. My hinge is out of people to swipe through, and this is one of the only matches I’ve made all year. I feel like I can’t afford to have any pride.

Am I being dumb? Is it not that big a deal to double text her? Or am I being too needy and I really should just let her go?