u/Kea_birdy

On my profile I have an earlier post explaining the breakup .

Short Version: Dated for 1 year. She genuinely seemed to love me deeply. Said she wanted to change being an avoider for us. Started therapy.
I tend to be anxious, so the main issue was the dynamic of our ways to handle insecurities and issues. But otherwise it was a wonderful relationship, everyone told her she looks so much happier. That shes never been so invested in someone. Shes also a people pleaser, she never talked about her negative Feelings. She runs from herself. She has a fulltime job and is a Dancer and dance instructor besides her job. So most days of the days she leaves the house at 07:00 am and comes home at 09:30 pm.

I didn't see the Breakup coming. The breakup was visibly hard for her. She was crying and told me she loves me more than anything. I do believe if she would just have taken a few days for herself the breakup likely wouldnt have happened.
We cuddled, she kissed me, I told her that I don't want false hopes and that she should leave at that point.

Before she left I asked her if she will still text me (panic question probably)
"I will respond to you, if you text me"
Then I told her that if she changes her Mind or is unsure about the breakup she can text me.
I did not contact her since. Changed my profilepicture the next day.

Anyways: she broke up 4 days ago. After the breakup she texted me in the middle of the night
"Hope you can get some rest and sleep a little. Good night" i responded the next day with "thank you, hope you did too"

Yesterday afternoon she calls me, I picked it up before I could think of it. I ask "hello?" I hear her saying "whats going on now" sounded geniuenly confused and hung up.

She texted me after "Sorry. I accidentally hit call"
(It was a whatsapp video call, for anyone not using WhatsApp: you have to be on someones Chat/profile to call them)

I didn't Respond.

2 Hours later she text me: "How was your weekend? Did you see your mother?" (It was Mothersday)

I didn't Respond, cause my confusion was so big and I was to emotional in that situation. I wanted to give myself some space to think about it.

Mind you at that point she still had a pfp of us kissing, which she changed one hour after me not responding.

Long story short I do not know whats going on. I loved her a lot. If she genuinely wants to try again I would be open for it. But I am very unsure of her actions here. My heart of course is telling me "she is missing me, shes slowly testing if I am mad. Maybe she is trying to start a conversation". But my mind is afraid.

Should I respond? Whats going on?

We were together for over a year.
She was a great partner. She told me about her being FA from the start. She recently started therapy, to learn how to cope. She wanted me to go to her therapist with her.

In the beginning of our relationship i struggled with retrospective jealousy, she helped me to overcome that. I never in my life thought I would.

Overall the relationship was incredibly loving and sweet.
We had our conflicts, thats for sure. We had one last week. She suddenly went distant, while we were cuddling. That resulted in me talking to her nonstop for a few hours, which I regret, but just begging her to please communicate a little. Even if its "Im overwhelmed, i cant cuddle rn". Just give me something to work with. She was dead silent tho.

I gave her her space. The next day we lay in bed, she is still distant, so eventually I ask her "can we please talk" she didn't want to, I told her it just feels unfair to not get any feedback on what she needs/what's wrong. That I wish we could find a way that we both feel good with. She eventually got up and was mad, said "im going home, I'm just hurting you all the time" i went after her, told her "lets park this conversation and pick it up at therapy" which she was okay with. She started crying and hugging me that she doesn't want to fight.

The days after that were normal tho. When she was with me she was so loving, almost obsessed with me. On wednsday I made her a gift, containing a letter, in which I apologized for my ways and that I'm starting to understand her being FA way more, that I love her and am actively working on trying to handle these situations better. That I love her for her.
she was moved, cried, we cuddled. The next morning I give her a kiss, she says im beautiful, she had a nightmare that another girl flirted with me so she beat her up. Overall very cute interaction.

On that same day she suddenly completely switched again. Being distant, not wanting to kiss me, rolled her eyes when I wanted a kiss.

I went to therapy that day, didn't text her to give her space. Came home, got a text asking if I was home.
I said yes.

Bell rings 15 minutes later. She takes my Hands and says "I know this will really hurt you but I cant do this anymore"
"If I would need a few days for myself it would be hell for you" which is not the case btw. We don't even see each other everyday, and earlier that week I was the one who offered her to spend a few days appart.

She starts absolutely bawling, i try to comfort her. Ask her if she still loves me. "Yes, more than anything "

We cuddled, she is crying very badly, taking my hand, kissed me passionately. I offered compromises. That we just take a few days for ourselves, sort our feelings and then try to talk. -no

Do you want to take your things with you? -No I don't need it (she has left a lot off suff here, her favorite Clothes, Plushies, her makeup back, things that she genuinely needs for her Dance-Competitions"

Do you see any way we could find a way? "Maybe when we find backt to each other some day"

"I love you I just don't want to be together, I'm not good for you. I love you, all I do is hurt you"

I told her that decision is up to me (if I feel she is bad for me)
Then she said she can't handle the stress if we are goning to have conflicts.

I wanted to give her a ring back she gave me as a promise ring, with a letter saying "we will always be together, we are a team, she loves me more than anything"

She could not look at me taking it off and didn't want it because "that's your ring, I gave that to you" and started crying so bad she started to cough.

I am so confused. I genuinely can not tell (I know no one can look into the future) if she will return or not.

She texted me at 2 a.m that same night "hope you can get some rest and sleep. good night"
I saw her typing for a whole hour for that.

I just responded with "thanks, i hope you could too" the next morning.

Its been no contact for two days now.

I am genuinely lost. I absolutely believe she loves me a lot. I also genuinely believe our dynamic stressed her out. But i felt like we were at a point where we genuinely started to work it out.

When I read about FA break ups they are usually not this emotionally charged.

We were even talking about moving in together.

The way this relationship has been so far, I almost can't believe that she leaves like that. But I also don't want to get my hopes up. All my friends and Family, even the ones who have known her longer than me. told me to just wait, that they believe she will text me.

The worst Part? We are coworkers! I quit my job (way prior to this breakup) but I still habe 6 weeks left! In which I have to see her.

I am not contacting her. I even changed my pfp. I am so lost if there is anything I can do. I genuinely don't want it to end. Not like this.

Thanks for reading.

Meine Partnerin hat sich gestern von mir getrennt.
Es kam für mich sehr unerwartet, zumal wir auch den Tag davor und am selben Morgen noch liebevoll miteinander waren und alles gut war.

Ich bin mittlerweile 26 Jahre alt. Und was mich ganz doll fertig macht, ist die Angst ob ich jemals wieder eine Frau für mich finde, kennt das noch jemand?
Als Lesbe (bzw wlw) ist der Dating-pool ohnehin schon klein, dann noch jemanden zu finden, mit dem es matcht… Ich fühle mich, als hätte ich ein Einhorn verloren.

Hallo.

Ich hoffe dieser Sub ist richtig, da ich nicht konkret nach einem Beziehungsratschlag frage, sondern eher wohin mit mir.

Meine (w/26) Partnerin (w/32) hat sich gestern von mir nach über einem Jahr Beziehung getrennt. Sie hat einen vermeidenden Bindungsstil. Wir hatten unsere Schwierigkeiten, gerade aufgrund unserer verschiedenen Beziehungsstile, sind aber am Ende des Tages immer wieder liebevoll aufeinander zugegangen. Die Trennung kam für mich sehr plötzlich, da wir auch am Abend davor und am Morgen des selben Tages noch eine total schöne Zeit hatten und alles in Ordnung war, sie immer wieder betonte wie sie mich liebt.

Jetzt sitze ich hier, mit einer Trennung, die für mich absolut unerwartet kam. Ich habe Freunde, mit denen ich telefonieren kann, aber leider kann ich keinen von denen vor Sonntag sehen.

Ich habe Angst, wie ich die nächsten Tage Aushalten soll. Ich habe keine Angst, mich selbst zu verletzen aber mir ist schlecht, ich kann nicht essen, ich kann nicht schlafen.

Und jetzt noch zu meinem Höhepunkt: sie ist leider Gottes meine Arbeitskollegin. Für heute hab ich mich krankgemeldet, es kann aber keine Dauerlösung sein. Den Job habe ich bereits gekündigt, ich muss aber noch sechs Wochen aushalten.

Es fühlt sich an als wäre mein Leben vorbei.