u/K4ISERMAGNUS

I traveled to my girlfriend's house for my birthday and I must admit it hasn't been easy. I've been insecure for a few months and I told her about it, and she thought it was nonsense, that I was being controlling etc

At her house, I went into her Discord and saw that she was exchanging some rather uncomfortable messages with a guy she played Fortnite with. It wasn't anything THAT explicit, but they were the kind of messages where the person is clearly flirting with you, but you don't cut them off, you know? The message that upset me the most was her talking about selling photos of her feet to buy a game, and him replying "I would buy it." That really upset me. I told her and we argued a lot over the days, she completely cut off contact with the guy and told me that from now on she will respect our relationship more. And I agreed and tried to move on.

However, something still bothered me, so I went to the apps she had already downloaded on her phone and found out: she had used Bumble while we were still dating. There are no emails on her phone proving she was actually using it or that she created an account, since many of her old emails were deleted, but the app was STILL there. It had been downloaded.

I just confronted her, and her only argument was that she doesn't remember using it, doesn't remember talking to someone or creating an account, because it had been so long that she didn't even remember. To be honest, I'm really annoyed because it's a completely meaningless answer; it doesn't actually give me a real solution. I feel like I'm overreacting, but at the same time, I know I'm not. She said, "It's in your hands, since you're looking for things and it's not doing you any good, end the relationship."

I really don't know what to do. I know it's in my hands and I know that, obviously, I should end it. But I just wanted a reason why she downloaded it, and she didn't even explain it to me.

Lately I've been feeling very insecure in our relationship, thinking about her not being happy with me, etc.

So this week I decided to travel to her city (we are in LDR) because it was my birthday, I wanted to spend that time with her and also try to lessen my insecurity a little... I couldn't have been more wrong.

For context: she really likes playing video games (Fortnite, DBD, etc.) and there was a guy she and her sister used to play with. I won't deny that I was genuinely bothered by her being close to that guy, but I tried my best not to let it affect our relationship, even though I was very insecure. She told me they were just gaming partners, and I really believed her, until I came to her house and decided to confirm by looking at her phone, since we never had any restrictions about looking at each other's phones. And what I saw basically destroyed me.

There wasn't anything particularly explicit or anything like that, but there were some very uncomfortable messages, like her saying that she felt needy when she was on period, and her sending a picture of her dog and saying "he's messy, you can take him" and him replying that he would, but that "she was the only one missing too". There were other messages as well, but the one that bothered me the most was undoubtedly a message from her showing a Fortnite skin that she couldn't afford, and she said she was going to sell photos of herself, And he asked "photos of your foot?" and she said yes and he said "I would buy it", and she said "hahahaha you made me laugh" and he later said that was his intention. She's made that joke with me before, which I don't really care about, but to be honest, seeing her say it to another guy and seeing that result made me want to throw up. There were a few others, but I would go on for too long here.

Obviously, I was emotionally devastated, I still am to be honest, and I verbalized that to her. I found this out the day before my birthday, and to top it off, on the day I arrived here. On the first day. We didn't fight because it was just a one-sided argument where she didn't try to argue back, she just silently accepted it and didn't deny her mistake, and asked me what I wanted her to do from there. First I told her to cut off all contact with the guy, and then I told her to be a more present girlfriend, to show me more affection, to really care about me and make me feel loved by her. I also told all of this to my sister-in-law, who was by my side, and she said she noticed things were strange between them before, so much so that she confronted my gf about it. After that, my girlfriend drastically reduced her contact with the guy in question.

Which brings us to the problem with the post title. My girlfriend did everything I mentioned, but to be honest, it's only been 3 days since it happened and I'm still bothered by everything I read. There are times when I'm fine, but there are times when I remember what I read and I feel like shit. And I can't hide when I'm feeling bad, and I end up looking miserable. And she realizes it. And we had a fight where she felt i was "strange" because clearly there are times when she shows feelings and tries to be affectionate with me, but I can't reciprocate much because everything is recent, and i'm still hurt. She said that "nothing she does is enough to please me."

AITAH for acting this way, guys? I know she probably wants to prove she regrets her decisions and wants to make up for her mistakes, but I feel like it might be asking too much for me to act all sweet and affectionate when she's showing it. I'm still trying to heal myself and get better, and I feel like there will come a time when I'll move on, but I don't know if I can show affection while being so psychologically shaken about this.