The story of me and my ex and how people will use you for your alters.
I'm new to this subreddit, I joined mostly to share my story. I'm open to any questions or advise. And before anyone asks, I am trying to find a therapist now and have supports helping me. I HAVE been officially diagnosed with DID, I don't know if that is requirement, but still.
So I've been trying to write this for a while and think I'm finally ready. I (18 M) just had a “Breakup” with my "Boyfriend" (17 M) Lets call him Ted. We both have what's called Dispositive Identity Disorder. I used quotation marks because Ted was dating 2 of my Alters, Hector and Calix, and a lot of our alters were dating each other. I did not like him romantically at all, I saw Ted as a brother. I should also say, the age gap is not illegal in our state. In our state, the age of consent is 14-17, 15-18, 16- 29, and 17 can connect to anyone 14 and up. It’s gross, I know. I hate that that is the rule, but I need to say it.
Me and Ted had known each other since his freshman year which was my Jr year in high school. Our alters started dating when I was a freshman in College and he was a jr in Highschool, 2025. We did everything together and were barely apart. Ted was extremely suicidal and I spent every moment with him in fear he would kill himself, because when we took some time apart, he would sometimes get really depressed and try to hurt or kill himself. Another important thing to mention is that his family is abusive. He could barely eat without getting in trouble and his parents would not even notice if he killed himself.
So Ted and I were talking about moving in together because he was not safe at home and he stated he actually felt happy when he was with me. Calix was trying to convince him to move into my dorm because my roommate had just moved out. Then a light fell and Calix said, “oh well, that means you shouldn't move in, that's a sign.” And Ted said , “it's a sign , I should live with you and come move in at the dorm” Then he moved in for a few days and I called the school and child protective services to try and help him not need his mother's signature for things.
Then they came to the dorm. A police officer told him that if his mom reported him missing, then he'd have to go back with her and that made more depressed. We were also told he can’t stay in the dorm. Then we realized I didn't have enough money to get an apartment and we tried to find other ways around it. Homeless shelters wouldn't take us because Ted was a minor. I was calling a local homeless shelter when Ted went and took a bath. Well, stated a little later that he was going to slit his wrists and he had drunk bleach right before that. He came out and vomited a little later, though at first he lied about why the bleach was out, and then told Hector about it And that's when we both tried to kill ourselves after I tried to convince them there were other ways, and we could do something about it, he just kept saying we should kill ourselves I tried to get him to go to the hospital, but he refused. He said he wanted to wait till the next morning , but he had just drank bleach and I wanted to get him to the hospital, but he refused.
So Him and Hector both tried to kill themselves but stopped. The next morning we both went to the ER where we agreed to see each other when we got out of the hospital.
I got out first and started texting him about my plans. He ended up texting me, “Please do not contact me again.” but I was convinced it was his mom telling him to do that because I had texted her beforehand asking to talk to him and she claimed I almost killed him.
So, a few days later, I showed up at his school to try and talk. He just stared at me and walked past. Then when I got home, I texted his friends. One, Dee, and I had this conversation.
- Me: Hey
- Dee: Hi
- Me: Did Ted say anything?
- I was parked outside, does he wanna talk?
- Dee: No
- Me: No to talking or no to saying anything?
- Dee: I, and all of us, would appreciate it if you stayed away from him.
- Me: What happened? I don't know what I did
- Dee: Just stay away.
- Me: Why? Please tell me what happened
- Dee: Listen to me. If you do not stay away from him, I will call the cops. I am not afraid to do so and I have family on the force. You stay away from him.
- Me: What did I do?! I will stay Away
- Dee: I'm not saying anything else and I don't want to hear anything from you.
- If I see you in that parking lot again, the police will be called .Do you understand?
- Me: Yes
Then I texted another friend, Peter. This is how that conversation went,
Me: Hey.
Peter: no
Me: what please. I just wanna know what I did.
Peter: You know you're not stupid
Me: I don't know. Was it the killing ourselves? Because Ted already tried to and I ended up stopping it before we did anything.
Peter: yeah, you do
Me: Was it that
Peter: I don't believe a word, your dumb a** says
Me: what
Peter: f*** off
Me: please. What happened.
Peter: I was told you came here. Did ya
Me: Yes, cause I don't know what's going on. And I didn't know if TED wanted to talk to me or not,
Peter: you know, you did, that's the issue you're aware
Me: about what please just tell me was it the suicide, or was it something else?
Peter: You were the reason my friend almost killed himself. You f****** dumb a** you're the reason he thought everyone hated him and I know you. You came because you wanted to rub this s*** in real good. You can't make me think you're fine.
Me: what? I never wanted him to kill himself.
Peter: you're a piece of ducking s*** that might as well come out of my dog's a** I hope you aren't ever happy in life and I hope you don't come near him again because I will pummel your a**
Me: I wanted to stop but he drank bleach , and cried saying it was the only way out i care about he's everything to me. I wanted to kill myself because he was going to I can't live without him. I just want him to be happy. That's all I wanted for him
After these Texts, I slit my wrist, I couldn’t live knowing he hated me. I ended up going to another mental hospital and getting out within a week. I was doing good until Ted sent me an email, which said,
“Hello, OP. Honestly, I didn't want to write this message. I wanted to keep myself away from you, but I want you to ache how I ache.
I fucking hate you. Adolf's (My dad who was one of his alters) last words before the meds got rid of him were, "I no longer have a son. He's a vile, disgusting man. I've lost my boy".
Don't you understand what you did to me? You're a narcissistic manipulator and a borderline groomer. I was a minor. I am a minor. You're an adult man and you took me from my home, isolated me from my friends, and almost killed me.
I almost died. YOU ALMOST KILLED ME. Do you understand that? You pushed me to the bring of wanting to end my own life 24/7. YOU did that. These weeks without you have been the most freeing, wonderful weeks of my life.
I saw your car down the street the other day. I want you to know that just seeing your car strikes me with so much fear and panic. I cried. I cried because you ruined me. You ruined everything for me, and I've spent the past few days building myself back up. I'm better now because you're gone. I'm living happily without you breathing down my neck and yanking me around on a leash like a dying dog. I'm no longer rotting away as I think of ways to keep you pleased. I'm thinking about myself.
Things changed in the mental hospital. I grew to hate you. Everyone did. Calix, Hector, Six, Richtofen- Everyone.
And if you ever turn and ask yourself why all of your friends leave you, just know that it's not because "something's wrong with them", it's because you're a horrible, disgusting person. Get help, and live a long, long life. I hope you have the time to think this over and fix yourself. You need it. May God have mercy on your wretched soul
I'll be blocking your account after this, just as I have blocked you on everything else. Goodbye. Don't come near me ever again.”
After the letter, I overdosed. I overdosed on Christmas because of him. Now I'm out and back at MY abuser's house because I have nowhere else to go.
One of my alters disproved what Ted said and wrote notes detailing why it's wrong. This alter is a version of Ted, just grown up and still dating Calix and Hector.
“He brought up your dying fathers words. Did he know he was disappearing? What does he mean he "Lost his boy" He has been the same person the entire time, he would have never had a boy if you were that bad”
“You were honest from the beginning that you thought you were a manipulator and was bad but he always said you were not and even told you to leave your friends. He told you that all of your friends are bad. (Friends of mine) are the best people in your life and he kept you away from them.
He TOLD you he wanted to move in with you and said "It was a sign" When the light fell even though Calix said it was a sign not to move in, he said it was a sign to move in. It was his choice. It was him who said his mom was abusive and he needed to leave. Which was a true statement
Also, he told you he was 30, my age. He said he was an adult in a child's body and kept crying because he couldn't make adult decisions. He is a child, but so are you. He is 17 and you are 18. He also kept saying you weren't an adult because you're in the teens. Telling you to quit your job because you shouldn't have one since your a kid, He needs to make up his mind”
“He was the one that drank bleach and told HECTOR of all people he wanted to die. You did nothing but try to help him. You did nothing but try to make him happy even though it made YOU want to kill yourself. He almost killed YOU. You only wanted to kill yourself because HE kept saying you were the only thing he was living for but still tried to kill himself.”
“The same is true to you. You can not even see fried potatoes without crying because of him. You are better now he's gone because you are thinking about yourself for once”
“All of these people (Besides Six who already made you want to kill yourself) are in your head and say they do not hate you. No offence, but they are in HIS head, they HAVE to think what he thinks. Calix, Hector, Gob, Richtofen, everyone who YOU care about, do not hate you. We all love you”
“No you're not. You put others above yourself but when you try to talk to them like they can talk to you, they say you are ruining them. He may say he's my age, he's immature and can't talk about his feelings. He needs to grow up if he is saying he's 30. He is the one who needs help, I'm glad he got it. You deserve better”
Ted also took a lot of my things including my computer and tablet from the apartment and won't give them back. He also told people I was stalking him and telling them lies about the situation. I also recently realized he left when I became poor and could not buy him anything anymore, even though he was the one who had quit my first job and spent my savings on him and other people. I know It was my overall decision to do these things, but it is hard when you have someone you trust and believe in telling him you only need him.
I didn’t know what to do, so I decided to write it out. If you have any questions please ask. I want to be as transparent as possible.
I tried to post this before but it got taken down off of another subreddit.
Things have gotten worse. I posted a post on Instagram apologizing and saying goodbye. Just to get my feelings out there. Well he posted something after that calling me a F*cking monster and saying he’s happy (and I’m glad he is) an hour ago (Of writing this) He posted a post nit picking my spelling and saying it was vague, it was supposed to be! There were a few people I wanted to apologize for hurting, even though it was mainly for Ted.