Help y’all. I need to get serious and lock in but for some reason I can’t. I always chicken out and self sabotage and destroy all my good relationships. I have a man I actually really like now and I fear I might repeat the same pattern and end things with him as I have done in the past.How do I fix this?
Let me start off by saying, I love hearing of love stories and things people do when in love for the people they love etc and whether they ended up with the person they loved. My parents grew up in Somalia so they tell me about old time love stories or relationships and it sounds so good wallah.I wanted to hear about any you guys might know,heard of or experienced. How did they meet,how did it go,whether they ended up together or not so please feel free to share. Thank you!!
Asc Somaliyey, I met a guy a month ago. Everything has been well alhamdulilah and good. He wants to get married and has asked me to tell my family. He wants to come ask for my hand in marriage. However, I feel conflicted. I genuinely like him and we are compatible in a lot of ways. The chemistry is there too and I feel like he would be a great husband. However, I keep thinking what if it’s too soon? What if something goes wrong? Idk I guess I am just asking did anyone ever go through this. I am not sure if it’s waswas or I am rushing into this. Kindly advise.
Asc everyone.
I just wanted to ask a few questions and hear honest experiences from people who are married or have been married:
Is it fair and realistic to expect a marriage that feels mostly peaceful, loving, and emotionally safe and without lots of issues?
How often do real problems actually come up, and how intense are they?
Do marriages like this actually exist long term?
Do you still feel excited about your partner over time, or does that change?
The reason I’m asking is because I had a conversation with some friends recently about marriage and it honestly left me really conflicted for lack of a better word.
The way I’ve always imagined marriage is very soft and peaceful. Full of care, understanding, and small cutesy moments. Being excited to come home to your partner, building a life together, raising kids, being on the same page. Just feeling happy with each other most of the time.
Even when I try to imagine it realistically, I genuinely cannot picture myself struggling in marriage. I feel like even if there are disagreements, they would be small and get resolved easily without a lot of stress or ongoing problems.
But my friends disagreed and believed in something else. To them marriage is mostly about sacrifice, patience, and dealing with problems which I do understand . That it is not as cutesy as I’m imagining it, and that if I go into it with this mindset I’m going to be disappointed because that kind of marriage does not really exist.
One of them also said I probably think this way because my parents are still happily married, which might be true. I grew up seeing a very loving and calm marriage. Even my siblings are married and I have never really seen them go through visible issues. I also don’t get into people’s personal lives much, so I know I’m probably not seeing everything behind the scenes.
So now I feel stuck between not wanting to be naive but also not wanting to go into marriage expecting it to be hard or negative.
I’m just trying to understand what real marriage actually looks like from people who have experienced it.