u/IntrepidShelter5974

Sorry for this long post

I have been with this girl for about 8 months now, we met online, and met irl after some months. We had a wonderful time together. She broke her virginity with me, I was also involved physically, to this extent with a girl, for the first time. But since the beginning of the relationship, things haven't been right, especially for me.

She had a toxic relationship earlier, didn't move on properly I guess and we jumped to this relationship after about 2-3 months of courtship. Because of this, anything that I did (during the initial phases, I was travelling due to work, interviews, the time between us was really less, it was really not in my hands, just bad timing thats all) so she felt abandoned, felt I'm not serious, felt I'm lurking around, felt if I will leave her and etc and due to this, for her things resurfaced and she went back to being traumatized. I understand, she doesn't have any control over that and we talked over this, fought over this, but this was resolved in the initial 2-3 months.

Since the beginning only I have felt that she's a bit selfish and a bit of an attention seeker, that's completely alright, we all have our flaws. I really thought she is the one, really thought this feeling is only called love. She's actually really nice, pure hearted, genuine soul, and I think she actually loves me a lot, for which I'll be eternally grateful.

But I haven't really grown in this relationship, as she has. She admits that with me, she has come so far from her past, she has got everything she has dreamt of, the guy she had always wanted, the love the care, the happiness of her inner child coming back, the princess she always wanted to be, she has healed a lot and yes I have also seen her evolve. But the thing is, this hasn't really been the case with me in this relationship. I have occasionally felt left out, like where do I fit, because when will the time come for me to share my things as well, my past, my phases which I passed through alone, how I moved on from my 1st ex (this is my third relationship) with such hardships, whenever I tell her anything, she listens, but after sometime she changes the topic or diverts everything to herself.

Recently I have had a mentally exhausting setback career wise, lost my dream job due to some issues. And now when we talk, she just starts saying that yes it is difficult, like you lost your dream, I also felt the same when I was preparing for a career path after 12th, but later on when I got to know about it's dark side I left the preparation. I mean how is it similar and why do you have to always put your things and compare indirectly? She thinks she has experienced it all, all the trauma, everything, and no one else endures what she had, and to some extent that may be right, but isn't hardships subjective to the individual, if something isn't a big deal for you, doesn't mean it is the same for the other person right? And if I say anything, if I tell her anything like she shouldn't put her things like this, or anything that will only benefit both of us in the long, she takes it on herself and becomes angry and cuts off all the contact instantly and then I have to beg for her to come back and not go (I have done this literally countless times initially, I don't really want to sound egoistic but it is really me who held this relationship in the starting, there were so many instances she already left, blocked me, not picking up calls, everything like that (yes I admit some were due to my fault but instead of resolving, directly going away? Who is abandoning whom now?), it was always me who begged her to not go, not leave)

After everything, now I feel like I have completely lost interest in being in this relationship. I don't want to be with anyone honestly, I used to be so happy and free when I was alone, free of any restrictions as such, free of any stress, I used to have such a great time with my friends and now I feel if I meet any friend for long, she'll get angry because I'm not giving her time. I don't really think I'm made for any relationships at this point.

Because I am now emotionless towards her. But from her pov, I was her first intimacy, first of a lot of things, and she has told me she always dreamt of finding THE guy and kept everything that couples do, for him, to do with him. I respect her a lot, admire her a lot, but I'm just done really, I don't think it was love.

I'm just so scared to break her heart and express this thing, I fear she might do something grave, or use everything against me at some point of life. Right now I'm really just seeing myself as someone who is just getting into relationships, confessing love for fun and when I get bored, I'm breaking off things, and then parting ways.

But it has been 8 months, the more I drag this, the more serious it will get, the more involved she will be, and the more hurt she will be if I do not do it now

How do I really proceed? I'm just confused, overwhelmed, and hopeless at this point. I'm only texting and speaking to her to my full extent of not showing her if anything is wrong. I'm not genuinely showing her anything, I'm trying my best to reply to her texts in a good way, full of love, respond to her childish things, in the childish way she expects, because the moment I start talking normally, she tells me I'm talking to her rudely, and giving her cold replies. I'm honestly done with all this. I feel like alone I'll be able to move forward in my life and grow a lot better. But doing this, breaking off things is just so unfair to her, I feel like a devil honestly, and maybe that's true. What to do I'm honestly out of words. She doesn't even think about my recent setback and expects everything to be normal like before, expects me to talk like before, do everything like before, it is not possible for me to continue this now. I wish I had never come into all this and continued being single

About me -

I'm an Ex-OTA Cadet AIR 23 in CDS first attempt, withdrew from the academy due to medical reasons, aiming for Prelims 2027.

The city I hail from is Kanpur, and I have lived in Lucknow for a couple of years as well. Completed my grad in '25 (BA Pol Science)

I'm moving to Delhi most likely in late May/Early June and will be joining a coaching for UPSC Prep , have shortlisted a few, will decide once I go there personally.

From what I've read from upsc forums, ORN isn't somewhere you'll want to be living in, people have said Dwarka mor, East Patel nagar, Karol bagh metro area is better and efficient. I do not have much idea about Delhi, have only visited there to meet my friends and explore.

I am considering flat, but PG, hostel, anything will work as long as it is actually worth the money spent.

I'm looking for people who are thinking to shift or are already there looking for a roommate who is dedicated, not someone who is gonna waste time, and I expect the same. I am someone who'll study religiously during the days but enjoy my time, probably on a bike, with my friends during the nights, flexible in a way.

Anyone interested kindly DM, any help regarding the expenses, which area to choose, literally any help would be a great blessing.

Thank you so much for your time, hope good karma greets you.

About me -

I'm an Ex-OTA Cadet AIR 23 in CDS first attempt, withdrew from the academy due to medical reasons, aiming for Prelims 2027.

The city I hail from is Kanpur, and I have lived in Lucknow for a couple of years as well. Completed my grad in '25 (BA Pol Science)

I'm moving to Delhi most likely in late May/Early June and will be joining a coaching for UPSC Prep , have shortlisted a few, will decide once I go there personally.

From what I've read from upsc forums, ORN isn't somewhere you'll want to be living in, people have said Dwarka mor, East Patel nagar, Karol bagh metro area is better and efficient. I do not have much idea about Delhi, have only visited there to meet my friends and explore.

I am considering flat, but PG, hostel, anything will work as long as it is actually worth the money spent.

I'm looking for people who are thinking to shift or are already there looking for a roommate who is dedicated, not someone who is gonna waste time, and I expect the same. I am someone who'll study religiously during the days but enjoy my time, probably on a bike, with my friends during the nights, flexible in a way.

Anyone interested kindly DM, any help regarding the expenses, which area to choose, literally any help would be a great blessing.

Thank you so much for your time, hope good karma greets you.

About me -

I'm an Ex-OTA Cadet AIR 23 in CDS first attempt, withdrew from the academy due to medical reasons, aiming for Prelims 2027.

The city I hail from is Kanpur, and I have lived in Lucknow for a couple of years as well. Completed my grad in '25 (BA Pol Science)

I'm moving to Delhi most likely in late May/Early June and will be joining a coaching for UPSC Prep , have shortlisted a few, will decide once I go there personally.

From what I've read from upsc forums, ORN isn't somewhere you'll want to be living in, people have said Dwarka mor, East Patel nagar, Karol bagh metro area is better and efficient. I do not have much idea about Delhi, have only visited there to meet my friends and explore.

I am considering flat, but PG, hostel, anything will work as long as it is actually worth the money spent.

I'm looking for people who are thinking to shift or are already there looking for a roommate who is dedicated, not someone who is gonna waste time, and I expect the same. I am someone who'll study religiously during the days but enjoy my time, probably on a bike, with my friends during the nights, flexible in a way.

Anyone interested kindly DM, any help regarding the expenses, which area to choose, literally any help would be a great blessing.

Thank you so much for your time, hope good karma greets you.

Hi everyone,

I'm 23M, in a relationship with this beautiful, gem of a girl, with a pure heart (22F) since a year last month, met her in college

Since then we both have felt things just aligning, not coincidence, just so much similarities, on every aspect, respect for each other, constant upliftment, hyping up each other, care, admiration, everything is there. The relationship started with a lot of issues, her issues of her past relationships which have been nothing but traumatic (ldr, abandonment, abuse, etc), and whatever little mistakes I used to make, things used to resurface for her and that led to a lot of fights initially, I have begged for her to stay (literally), she was always ready to just leave, but it was understandable, she was not over her past, and it was not easy, so somehow managed that phase of initial months, getting to know her and what not to say, not to do, even as a joke, so as to it doesn't lead to fights.

This has led me to not openly tell her things, my things, because I used to keep my things aside just to make her feel relieved and listen to her instead, and help her

This kept happening. Still is happening. She has short temper issue, gets angry like a child in even the smallest of things, no problem, I don't argue or be rude, or be loud at her because that is also something that resurfaces things with her. So I am always on the edge, always careful, always and always mindful of what I'm saying, what I'm doing, even if I'm angry with some issues of my own, and I speak normally with her, not calling her by cute names, or asking things nicely, she becomes upset that I'm being rude and I've changed and I do not love her anymore, even though I hope she says all of it jokingly, as she later confesses, but all of this leaves a remark inside. It is just building up. I accept her as she is, I like her being a child, but you can't always expect that behaviour. You can't always just reply very nicely to every text, remain cute everytime, and when you don't then you have one more thing of making her feel good apart from your own issues.

I have told this to her once, not completely. I have told her that I have felt ignored in this relationship, whenever I tell my things, you (her) listen but not ask further, change into your own things, you never ask me my things, inquire about my day, I don't feel any growth in this relationship. According to her, she has tried asking me, tried opening me up, tried into me getting expressive but I do not say much so she doesn't ask much. It is partly true but will you really just give it up so easily. I have told her I have never been expressive since my childhood, so it is not easy opening up instantly, it takes time.

She thinks I don't consider her worthy enough to tell and be silly with her all the time like she is with me.

Now the thing is, recently I have suffered one of the most mentally exhausting setbacks yet. Let's just say I had a dream of becoming something, I achieved that something, but due to uncontrollable circumstances I had to opt out and now I'm left out, start from scratch everything. Ever since I have been back again here with her, she has not cared enough to give me time. Since the first day she expected me to give her all the time, be all the cute and cuddly in replies, on calls, everywhere, but it's nearly impossible for me to contain my ownself in this mental situation, all this anger inside me, the only emotion I'm feeling since then, but she doesn't understand. The first thing she says is that she is the last one to always get the "selective" time I have (in the past it had really happened, due to my things, I was not able to give her all the time, call it a bad timing, because it was in the initial days of our relationship only, or just Murphy's law, but this I'll give it to her, she is right but this has been talked over, fought over, and discussed, and resolved as well, I don't understand why if anything happens she forms biases based on the whole past, saying things like this that it is happening since day 1) she says she has been feeling this since sometime now but before this we were talking, normally, happily like we used to, she never said this before, now after my this thing has happened and I'm dealing with myself, wanting some time to settle and reasses things, she is saying that I am doing this since day1, I'm being rude, I'm avoiding her, I don't love her anymore, I have changed. Really? Why everything has to be about her only. She has accused me of making things about me all the time, and half the time I will admit she is right, but not always. But I never counter argued and fought for myself that she is not fully correct, why do I always feel that I'm on the wrong side, I'm to blame, I'm doing wrong, I'm not doing enough, maybe I'm not showing enough love whereas I've been putting my 200% of efforts into her and us ever since we came into the relationship, whatever has been in my hands, she has been the priority.

Now the things are as such that I'm just replying and talking to her nicely like I used to, being all the plushy lovie dovie boyfriend, supporting her childishness all the time, making her feel like before, on the clouds, like a princess I've always treated her. Because I do not want any more of fights or frustrating disturbances in my mind related to this, I already have my mind fully clogged up, I don't remember when did I last smile wholeheartedly. When I think of good times I don't remember times with her, instead the times with my friends I remember and remember being wholeheartedly happy without giving a damn about anything, without restrictions. I do not feel anything while texting her ilys, or any reactions, the time I'm on call with her, I speak like before but after call I go back to being what I'm truly right now. I feel this is unfair to her. This is just so unfair to her, and she doesn't deserve this at all. This makes me more angry, on myself. I am starting to realise I'm not really made for relationships, and I am happy when I'm alone with myself, content atleast.

But I just fear, if I say anything of this to her, she will take everything on herself, that she doesn't deserve to be loved, it was her fate, she will start getting angry, getting angry at me, I don't know I am scared of the repercussions, too scared tbh. What relationship is this when I'm not able to truly say things and express myself, in a fear that it'll cause more harm. Why is it so complex. I have never felt growth with her, I have always felt that she is the only one growing and evolving in this relationship, being happy and content, feeling like she is finally at a place where she wanted to be, finally with the right person. I have never felt the same. I have always felt that all the while I have been listening to her, consoling her, motivating her, helping her overcome her past, all this while I have only downgraded myself, my problems, my issues, my emotions, suppressed and not dealt with.

I am just not having any idea what to do. How do I communicate this thing in a way that she understands, not gets angry and reacts.

Am I really not worthy of any relationships (this is my third), previously I broke off because I realised I was using her as a distraction to overcome my first ex. But this I thought differently, I have moved on from my past, on my own, but she never asked my past, what's my story, never, she has just from day 1 trauma dumped on me her own issues, and how she has suffered so much that every other person's agony is nothing compared to hers. I just think she has been really selfish, and attention seeking as well but I don't want to say anything about her, these are just the facts. Even I want to express but how can you just say everything without first being asked anything and expect that I be open to her. I have always been open to her with this fact that I find expressing really really hard. 10 out 30 days of the month she is not well, okay that is understandable that females have it really difficult every month, so I also do not tell anything to her that will cause her mood to think otherwise, I try my best to make her feel good especially during this time of the month, and the rest days she is just about herself so where do I fit in this. She has had pcos and that is in itself so unmanageable and difficult to go through, I have always given it to her, admired her for this and for going through so much and coming back strong. Due to this I do not say more, be extra careful. But till now long will this last. One or the other day all this build up is bound to be out, and that day will be just unbearable and unfair to her, she'll think all this while, everything has been a facade.

To be very honest I don't know if I even feel anything now.

I know this has been all a long rant only, I've never been someone to discuss my issues with anyone including my family, I have always dealt with things alone, and this too I have thought of dealing alone, but it was just becoming unbearable in my head at this point of my life. I don't expect any advices or replies to this, if you are reading till here, thank you so much for spearing so much time, may good karma find you everywhere:)

Grateful to this space <3

Ps- I really hope she reads this, maybe she'll understand..

Hi everyone,

I'm 23M, in a relationship with this beautiful, gem of a girl, with a pure heart (22F) since 8 months now, met her through tinder (my first ever install and my last swipe)

Since then we both have felt things just aligning, not coincidence, just so much similarities, on every aspect, respect for each other, constant upliftment, hyping up each other, care, admiration, everything is there. The relationship started with a lot of issues, her issues of her past relationships which have been nothing but traumatic (ldr, abandonment, abuse, etc), and whatever little mistakes I used to make, things used to resurface for her and that led to a lot of fights initially, I have begged for her to stay (literally), she was always ready to just leave, but it was understandable, she was not over her past, and it was not easy, so somehow managed that phase of initial months, getting to know her and what not to say, not to do, even as a joke, so as to it doesn't lead to fights.

This has led me to not openly tell her things, my things, because I used to keep my things aside just to make her feel relieved and listen to her instead, and help her "heal".

This kept happening. Still is happening. She has short temper issue, gets angry like a child in even the smallest of things, no problem, I don't argue or be rude, or be loud at her because that is also something that resurfaces things with her. So I am always on the edge, always careful, always and always mindful of what I'm saying, what I'm doing, even if I'm angry with some issues of my own, and I speak normally with her, not calling her by cute names, or asking things nicely, she becomes upset that I'm being rude and I've changed and I do not love her anymore, even though I hope she says all of it jokingly, as she later confesses, but all of this leaves a remark inside. It is just building up. I accept her as she is, I like her being a child, but you can't always expect that behaviour. You can't always just reply very nicely to every text, remain cute everytime, and when you don't then you have one more thing of making her feel good apart from your own issues.

I have told this to her once, not completely. I have told her that I have felt ignored in this relationship, whenever I tell my things, you (her) listen but not ask further, change into your own things, you never ask me my things, inquire about my day, I don't feel any growth in this relationship. According to her, she has tried asking me, tried opening me up, tried into me getting expressive but I do not say much so she doesn't ask much. It is partly true but will you really just give it up so easily. I have told her I have never been expressive since my childhood, so it is not easy opening up instantly, it takes time.

She thinks I don't consider her worthy enough to tell and be silly with her all the time like she is with me.

Now the thing is, recently I have suffered one of the most mentally exhausting setbacks yet. Let's just say I had a dream of becoming something, I achieved that something, but due to uncontrollable circumstances I had to opt out and now I'm left out, start from scratch everything. Ever since I have been back again here with her, she has not cared enough to give me time. Since the first day she expected me to give her all the time, be all the cute and cuddly in replies, on calls, everywhere, but it's nearly impossible for me to contain my ownself in this mental situation, all this anger inside me, the only emotion I'm feeling since then, but she doesn't understand. The first thing she says is that she is the last one to always get the "selective" time I have (in the past it had really happened, due to my things, I was not able to give her all the time, call it a bad timing, because it was in the initial days of our relationship only, or just Murphy's law, but this I'll give it to her, she is right but this has been talked over, fought over, and discussed, and resolved as well, I don't understand why if anything happens she forms biases based on the whole past, saying things like this that it is happening since day 1) she says she has been feeling this since sometime now but before this we were talking, normally, happily like we used to, she never said this before, now after my this thing has happened and I'm dealing with myself, wanting some time to settle and reasses things, she is saying that I am doing this since day1, I'm being rude, I'm avoiding her, I don't love her anymore, I have changed. Really? Why everything has to be about her only. She has accused me of making things about me all the time, and half the time I will admit she is right, but not always. But I never counter argued and fought for myself that she is not fully correct, why do I always feel that I'm on the wrong side, I'm to blame, I'm doing wrong, I'm not doing enough, maybe I'm not showing enough love whereas I've been putting my 200% of efforts into her and us ever since we came into the relationship, whatever has been in my hands, she has been the priority.

Now the things are as such that I'm just replying and talking to her nicely like I used to, being all the plushy lovie dovie boyfriend, supporting her childishness all the time, making her feel like before, on the clouds, like a princess I've always treated her. Because I do not want any more of fights or frustrating disturbances in my mind related to this, I already have my mind fully clogged up, I don't remember when did I last smile wholeheartedly. When I think of good times I don't remember times with her, instead the times with my friends I remember and remember being wholeheartedly happy without giving a damn about anything, without restrictions. I do not feel anything while texting her ilys, or any reactions, the time I'm on call with her, I speak like before but after call I go back to being what I'm truly right now. I feel this is unfair to her. This is just so unfair to her, and she doesn't deserve this at all. This makes me more angry, on myself. I am starting to realise I'm not really made for relationships, and I am happy when I'm alone with myself, content atleast.

But I just fear, if I say anything of this to her, she will take everything on herself, that she doesn't deserve to be loved, it was her fate, she will start getting angry, getting angry at me, I don't know I am scared of the repercussions, too scared tbh. What relationship is this when I'm not able to truly say things and express myself, in a fear that it'll cause more harm. Why is it so complex. I have never felt growth with her, I have always felt that she is the only one growing and evolving in this relationship, being happy and content, feeling like she is finally at a place where she wanted to be, finally with the right person. I have never felt the same. I have always felt that all the while I have been listening to her, consoling her, motivating her, helping her overcome her past, all this while I have only downgraded myself, my problems, my issues, my emotions, suppressed and not dealt with.

I am just not having any idea what to do. How do I communicate this thing in a way that she understands, not gets angry and reacts.

Am I really not worthy of any relationships (this is my third), previously I broke off because I realised I was using her as a distraction to overcome my first ex. But this I thought differently, I have moved on from my past, on my own, but she never asked my past, what's my story, never, she has just from day 1 trauma dumped on me her own issues, and how she has suffered so much that every other person's agony is nothing compared to hers. I just think she has been really selfish, and attention seeking as well but I don't want to say anything about her, these are just the facts. Even I want to express but how can you just say everything without first being asked anything and expect that I be open to her. I have always been open to her with this fact that I find expressing really really hard. 10 out 30 days of the month she is not well, okay that is understandable that females have it really difficult every month, so I also do not tell anything to her that will cause her mood to think otherwise, I try my best to make her feel good especially during this time of the month, and the rest days she is just about herself so where do I fit in this. She has had pcos and that is in itself so unmanageable and difficult to go through, I have always given it to her, admired her for this and for going through so much and coming back strong. Due to this I do not say more, be extra careful. But till now long will this last. One or the other day all this build up is bound to be out, and that day will be just unbearable and unfair to her, she'll think all this while, everything has been a facade.

To be very honest I don't know if I even feel anything now.

I know this has been all a long rant only, I've never been someone to discuss my issues with anyone including my family, I have always dealt with things alone, and this too I have thought of dealing alone, but it was just becoming unbearable in my head at this point of my life. I don't expect any advices or replies to this, if you are reading till here, thank you so much for spearing so much time, may good karma find you everywhere:)

Haha I hope she finds this and reads this, maybe she'll understand..

Grateful to this space <3

Hi everyone,

I have had humanities+ maths in class 12th (2022)

Currently I want to pass Physics and Maths of class 12th, not just pass, but actually study and score in these.

I'm planning for July on demand.

The content available everywhere is just so overwhelming, and having gone through this forum, I've had the conclusion of not joining any coaching for the same especially Manish Verma

What do you reckon will really help in these two subjects?

I am not planning to buy any books or anything, everything is available online in PDFs, so I have read, so will proceed accordingly.

Any specific YT channels or specific sources you can recommend?

Also for Physics, I'll have to submit Practical as well, what's the process of that?

Any guidance will be greatly appreciated and reciprocated as good karma :)

thank you so much for your time.

Hi everyone,

I have had humanities+ maths in class 12th (2022)

Currently I want to pass Physics and Maths of class 12th, not just pass, but actually study and score in these.

I'm planning for July on demand.

The content available everywhere is just so overwhelming, and having gone through this forum, I've had the conclusion of not joining any coaching for the same especially Manish Verma

What do you reckon will really help in these two subjects?

I am not planning to buy any books or anything, everything is available online in PDFs, so I have read, so will proceed accordingly.

Any specific YT channels or specific sources you can recommend?

Also for Physics, I'll have to submit Practical as well, what's the process of that?

Any guidance will be greatly appreciated and reciprocated as good karma :)

thank you so much for your time.

Hi everyone,

I’m an ex-OTA cadet (joined in October, 2025 through CDS 2, first attempt). Unfortunately, I’ve been medically boarded out due to a ligament tear (a previous injury contributed), so I’ve had to step away from my goal of joining the forces.

I completed my graduation with a BA in Political Science, and I’m now seriously considering preparing for UPSC. It’s something I’ve always had in mind apart from cds as a way to contribute meaningfully.

At this point, I’m confused between two options:

1. Pursuing a Master’s (likely in Political Science or International Relations) while preparing for UPSC

2. Dropping everything and preparing full-time for UPSC

My questions:

- Does doing a Master’s in subjects such as IR/ Pub Policy, Pol Science/ etc, actually help with UPSC prep?

- For someone starting seriously now, what would be the more practical approach?

I’d really appreciate advice from people who’ve had similar experiences or seen what works in the long run.

Thank you!