u/International_Bee653

Macaque

He prefers tea-hee!

They were pirates of the car I be in.

You flatter me

If she knew that would happen, she would've chosen cremation.

Even though there's a night and day difference

A crab is fond of a new car so he goes to a car dealer.

He asks the dealer how much it will cost.

The dealer wanting to poke fun at a talking crab who wants to buy a car with no money says: "It's gonna cost you an arm and a leg!"

The crab, fancying the car, amputated his limbs before the car dealer had finished his sentence.

"So where are the keys?" Said the crab.

"The police are going to claw at you for driving with only one arm and... 7 legs!" Responded the car dealer.

The crab responded "what will the cost to get out be, an arm and a leg?"

A group of American tourists came in.

One of the Americans said, in a loud voice, "I hear you Irish think you're great drinkers. I bet $5,000 that no one here can drink 20 pints of Guinness in 30 minutes."

The bar was silent, but the American noticed one Irishman leaving. No one took up the bet.

40 minutes later, the Irishman who left returned and said, "Hey Yank, is yer bet still on?" "Sure" said the American, "20 pints in 30 minutes for a bet of $5,000 ." "Grand, " replied the Irishman, "so pour the pints and start the clock."

It was very close but the last drop was consumed with 2 seconds to spare.

OK Yank, pay up." said the Irishman.

"I'm happy to pay, here's your money" said the American. "But tell me, when I first offered the wager, I saw you leave. Where did you go?'

"Well sir", replied the Irishman, "$5,000 is a lot of money to a man like me, so I went to the pub across the road to see if I could do it.

I can taco about them all day

We have a big problem

How many years of winter is that?

A lament on the choking atmosphere of everyday life. No honey or song can alleviate such darkness yet we seek respite. The nimble dance of delusion is disorganized like a drunken ram.

It all looks dumb sofa

Because they have to go bawk to school

Po-zest

They always give you Sandeep

Tell them to clap until their parents come home

Unbelievable. Been a customer for years and I never knew he was a hairdresser!