u/InternalDisaster1567

Context: I have an disabled brother who is both intellectually & physically disabled.
Growing up with him was frankly a pain in the ass.

We would have to cancel trips because he couldn’t do them.
When I got out with friends I always had to take him with me even if I didn’t want to.
He always got the extra attention & care. I never felt seen.

Now he’s 23 and my father is trying to get him a driving license.
I‘ve been really trying to help him to pass the theory part but I fear he simply doesn’t have the mental capacity for it. He’s already failed twice despite my help.
Every day I spent 1-2 hours helping him understand it.

I have to transport him everywhere: I drive him to his appointments, to friends, I have to remind him to take his meds, change his cloths…

I‘m basically expected to take care of him. I‘m just 21, I‘m basically still more of a kid than an adult. While others go out I‘m stuck with him. I go to work and have to take care of him. Repeat every day.
I hate myself for thinking this but he has ruined my life.

From an early age, I was subjected to physical violence.
My father regularly beat me.

As a result, I was traumatized very early on.
This became apparent in my social behavior during elementary school.

Classmates wanted to be friends with me, but I was too afraid.
If home is not a safe place, why would school be?
I sat alone, I ate alone, I played alone during brakes.

When it came to social skills, I was already falling far behind.
As my mental health deteriorated, I stopped doing my homework and fell behind academically as well.

One time my teacher was so fed up with me she searched my backpack and found all the homework I didn’t do. She berated me in front of the whole class.

Still no one cared. Why would they? Young men are expected to handle everything on their own. A support network? Never. Who cares about the weird kid?

As a consequence, I developed an eating disorder. I became overweight and was bullied for it at the next school I attended.

I fell into depression and developed an anxiety disorder that still affects me to this day.

Nevertheless, I graduated from high school relatively successfully.
Today, I have a good job, but I am socially isolated.
I have no friends due to my crippling anxiety. I work, get some errands done and be alone.

All could’ve been avoided if teachers rang alarm bells to obvious signs of trauma but they didn’t care. F*ck the struggling boy.
My parents who caused this in the first place were obviously not going to help me either.