u/Impossible-Dot2517

I am f(24) and I have struggled with my mental health my whole life, from as early as 4 I struggled with anger issues and feelings of shame and inadequacy. In my adult life this all manifested as I am so frustrated all the time.

I have ASD, OCD, ADHD, and I suffer from CPTSD. all day around me at work and with my partner I see myself just so frustrated over everything, I feel like I’m just so angry at myself and the world all the time for the smallest little things. Yesterday I had a full meltdown because I couldn’t find a tape measure bc my partner had moved it and I was ashamed with how angry I was feeling. If I can’t find something or if I’m anxious it just gets even worse, i genuinely feel like those animations where they have steam coming out of their ears. I get angry that I struggle to make friends and that my new coworker is already besties with the people I’ve been trying to become friends with for months. I get angry that people drive without considering those around them. I just don’t know how to let it go. I feel like I’m so angry that no one considers me and that no one considers others either. I feel like I’m blaming others for my anger.

I just feel so exhausted feeling so angry all the time and every day I think about how much better off people would be without my anger and presence around. And this is also so hard because I’m usually super bubbly and happy on the outside, always smiling. But inside I am just full of this anger and it just doesn’t feel like me. I feel trapped in my head.

If anyone has ever felt similar or has any ideas I would really appreciate some tips. I don’t think I’d actually do anything but sometimes when I’m angry I get scared I might. I’m already leaving this hospitality job that makes me feel unappreciated and stressed to pursue a teaching job and I’m hoping it helps, but I want to get my head on straight and make a good effort at being better. I just don’t know how to let go, I’m sure this all stems from being neglected as a child and wanting some recognition but ugh I’m so exhausted

I am f(24) and I have struggled with my mental health my whole life, from as early as 4 I struggled with anger issues and feelings of shame and inadequacy. In my adult life this all manifested as I am so frustrated all the time.

I have ASD, OCD, ADHD, and I suffer from CPTSD. all day around me at work and with my partner I see myself just so frustrated over everything, I feel like I’m just so angry at myself and the world all the time for the smallest little things. Yesterday I had a full meltdown because I couldn’t find a tape measure bc my partner had moved it and I was ashamed with how angry I was feeling. If I can’t find something or if I’m anxious it just gets even worse, i genuinely feel like those animations where they have steam coming out of their ears. I get angry that I struggle to make friends and that my new coworker is already besties with the people I’ve been trying to become friends with for months. I get angry that people drive without considering those around them. I just don’t know how to let it go. I feel like I’m so angry that no one considers me and that no one considers others either. I feel like I’m blaming others for my anger.

I just feel so exhausted feeling so angry all the time and every day I think about how much better off people would be without my anger and presence around. And this is also so hard because I’m usually super bubbly and happy on the outside, always smiling. But inside I am just full of this anger and it just doesn’t feel like me. I feel trapped in my head.

If anyone has ever felt similar or has any ideas I would really appreciate some tips. I don’t think I’d actually do anything but sometimes when I’m angry I get scared I might. I’m already leaving this hospitality job that makes me feel unappreciated and stressed to pursue a teaching job and I’m hoping it helps, but I want to get my head on straight and make a good effort at being better. I just don’t know how to let go, I’m sure this all stems from being neglected as a child and wanting some recognition but ugh I’m so exhausted